Do you think that women can be predators and that men often just can't/don't want to see it until it's too late?

[TheFemaleOfTheSpecies]

There is a woman who works in my dh's office who I would describe as a predator in that she has relationships only with men who are either married or in relationships. She has had relationships with at least two married men in the office, the first one left the company because of it, the other one his wife found out and warned her off, but they remained close and she still spends quite a lot of time with him apparently. She has latched on to a group of different blokes in the office now, one of whom is my dh, and regularly goes out with them at lunchtime etc.

A few months ago dh went out with some people from work, he'd arranged to stay with one of the guys in the office, anyway somehow the conversation got round to where dh was staying and this woman, knowing where he was staying, offered him a bed for the night. he declined, but still couldn't see that there was anything inappropriate about her offering even given her reputation.

Obviously I appreciate that it takes two to have an affair, and I trust my dh totally. But I do not trust this woman, and I can see from a mile off how she seems to operate, by befriending people and then getting closer to them by chatting etc, and then presumably more (as must have happened with the other blokes.

Dh says he doesn't fancy her, I've pointed out that it doesn't matter what someone looks like physically, it's the personality that ultimately counts.

The final straw has come this week, We had a hobby that we shared when we were younger, and dh recently had the opportunity to do this again. Unfortunately I have not been able to be included in this due to circumstances. However dh mentioned yesterday that this woman mentioned that she also does this hobby and would like someone to do it with her.

I pointed out that I wouldn't be happy about it at all.

So what do you think? Is it possible that a woman can go after men like this? Obviously some and probably many men do resist, and dh is adament that he has no interest in her. But am I right or wrong to feel uneasy about her intentions?

Even if you think your husband has no intention of an affair, the potential has worried you enough to start a thread and even your title is revealing of your concerns

'until it's too late'

I used to think neither me nor DH would ever stray as we were close, had great sex, had a laugh together and although there was a fair bit of conflict here and there, on the whole we were great. Then she came along...and now I would say that no marriage is immune. Spending time together without you will surely only result in them becoming closer.

Women can most definitely be predators and men oblivious to the signs.

Took OW 9 years of friendship to finally net my exh! She's welcome to the Lying Cheating Tosser - they deserve one another!

This happened to a friend of mine. Her DH swore he wasn't interested in someone who was coming on to him at work, didn't even see it coming, and now he is married with DC to her.
My friend warned her DH but he didn't think there was a problem till too late, so in my view FWIW you need to spell it out and take it seriously.

Talie - gosh, just like OW with my stbexh.

He knew her about 10 years, she came to work with him, he employed her, knew from previous job!!!

They have been having a 'sexual'affair for 3 years, according to him, but the 'emotional' affair has been going on much longer, I suspect.

L2W & dittany - your points all apply too him as well.

Opportunity was definitely there, he worked away so much.

Deal with it head on.

I also think that when people are happily married there is this "it wouldn't happen to us" mentality.

There is this view abroad that if people have affairs, it's because there is something lacking in their marriage. It ain't necessarily so. Sometimes, people are so comfortable in their marriage that they take it for granted that of course they wouldn't cheat, so they don't take the steps needed not to create the space and opportunity in which cheating can happen.

You are 100% right. People have affairs even when they are happily married and love their spouses. However, so often it's not that they weren't getting enough of something, it's more that they weren't giving enough, which absolutely includes empathy about threats to the marriage and often includes appalling double-standards about what is permissible behaviour.