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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I a lesbian???

45 replies

charlotte89 · 12/05/2010 21:52

Is it natural to fantise about girls. I have a male partner of 4yrs who i love dearly, but I tend to think about girls. I am confussed, I have never done anything with a girl, I think its just the thoughts of experiancing, please help!!!

OP posts:
HairExtensions · 12/05/2010 22:57

See that's my sentiment exactly, would love to have a wife. Not sure about the sex though

junglist1 · 12/05/2010 22:58

Has anyone seen Dog Borstal? Do you think she's a lesbian?

AnyFucker · 12/05/2010 22:58

QS...don't talk like that

Or this thread will get very extended....

ItsGraceAgain · 12/05/2010 22:58

Yeah ... why aren't we all lesbians? Women are funnier, prettier, feel nicer & smell better. We can even do DIY these days ...

... sashays off to reconsider disastrous decision (age 20) to be mostly straight ...

AnyFucker · 12/05/2010 22:59

HE...junglist1 seems to think the sex is OK

and I trust her

QSnondomicile · 12/05/2010 23:00

I had a "wife" for a few months when ds2 was born. I am not talking about an aupair, this woman went far beyond that. We cooked together, when I was ill, she just took the moses basket off me between night feeds so I could get some sleep. She handled ds1. She "entertained" dh. I concluded that for a woman to live in a "commune" with other women, when they have just had a new baby is pretty blissfull. (at times)

The only drawback was that she fell in love with dh, and was jealous of me. So, it was not so good in the end.

QSnondomicile · 12/05/2010 23:01
HairExtensions · 12/05/2010 23:03

Okay so maybe I could have a DW, she could have sex with DH, this would free up more time for me . . . .

Oh I am very "confussed"

ItsGraceAgain · 12/05/2010 23:04

... and complete DIY project ...

After which, ladies, I shall be available

HairExtensions · 12/05/2010 23:05

AF if the Junglist says so then it must be alright!

melondrama · 12/05/2010 23:10

i have at various times been obsessed with certain females, once definitely with full on sexual attraction but didn't let her know and on reflection i think it's more admiration/ envy/ don'tknowwhat and i'm definitely too lazy to be a lesbian..and can't imagine anything worse than all the 'talking and understanding' aghhh!

HairExtensions · 12/05/2010 23:20

See if I had a wife and she wasn't like DH who at times can be a bit lazy, insensitive and selfish (usually all at once) well, WTF would I be able to moan about?

SolidGoldBrass · 12/05/2010 23:41

QS: No reason why you can't have just that if you find the right person. People do live in set ups like this, after all.
Of course, it's a tricky balancing act to keep everyone happy and you will spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with condescension, meddling and rude nosy questions from the monogamist world outside, but if it's what you want you should go for it.

MNHubbie · 13/05/2010 00:02

Um...

...provided things are the same for ladies as they are for guys the only person who really knows is you.

I'm wondering why you jumped straight to lesbian and weren't pondering if you were bi or not?

I'm bi and at no point did I consider the possibility that I was gay.

Now there is one big difference I suppose and that is the opposite sex for you is fat, hairy, sweaty and smelly whereas for me it is soft, gentle, beautiful and tender. How can women not be attracted at least a little bit to other women? The wonder is that any guy can be gay or bi!

Getting to the point here you are a in a relationship with a guy yet you are attracted to women and jump to the conclusion not that you like both but that you only like women? What does this mean for your relationship with guys? Are you actually attracted to and sexually aroused by men? If so Charlotte it is pretty safe to exclude lesbian from the equation.

The next bit would be what does it matter and/or what are you going to do about it? You are aroused by the thought of women too (or only by them). You can just carry on in your relationship and use this knowledge to help you along when you are rocking the man in the boat or lying back and thinking of England because DP isn't quite on the right bandwidth; you can take it further and talk to bi/gay ladies online; you can meet up with bi/gay ladies and see what happens; you can do this openly or on the quiet; you can dump him and see what happens when you try the said meetings etc; or the two of you get into swinging as I am informed that bi-play between the female partners is quite common.

The ball is in your court. I would say though that you know. You know why you said gay not bi (whether it was a slip or deliberate), you know whether or not you are gay or bi, you know if you must experiment or not. You have to be yourself otherwise you may explode. That doesn't mean you MUST go out and cheat with some lassie or dump the BF and shack up in some commune but it does mean you just admit how you feel to yourself and go from there. You don't have to act on it (unless you truly realise you are a homosexual trapped in a heterosexual lifestyle and even then it is up to you).

QSnondomicile · 13/05/2010 08:46

.... and by "entertained" dh, I did not mean that she entertained him. (Or me for that matter).

Malificence · 13/05/2010 10:07

On the sliding scale of sexuality, I am 100% hetero, I've never been attracted to or wanted to have a sexual experience with another woman, however, I can be physically turned on by lesbian porn, which suggests it's just a completely unconcious autonomic reponse to sexual imagery, I can also appreciate the innate sexuality of other women.

Phew, that was a bit deep for when I've just got out of bed!

I certainly don't buy into the myth that all women are a bit bi-curious, that's down to media hype and lad's mag bullshit.

RealityLovesYou · 13/05/2010 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BallpointPen · 13/05/2010 10:23

My mums are both lesbians (surprisingly) so lesbanility is familiar.

charlotte89 · 13/05/2010 20:27

Who wrote grills??????????????????

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/05/2010 20:31

charlotte...has this thread helped you at
all ? < innocent emoticon >

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