I am really hoping that someone can give me some advice here as I am so upset and am wondering what I can do.
A bit of background: I am the only child of my parents marriage, but my father has dc from his first marriage which dissolved when they were all under 10. Basically my father returned to find them gone, the dc came home from school to a new house and no daddy. Contact wasn't broken and for a long period of time my DF tried to resolve what had broken in their relationship to no avail. It transpires that she had met someone else and this was the reason for the split. However after the divorce my father me my mother, they married and had me. (DF ex married her man just after my parents).
My maternal GM was furious, this was a considerable time ago and wasn't "the done thing", she hated that my df had a previous family and didn't want them to be the benefit from her or my GF financially if my parents didn't have children. Therefore she left the bulk of their estate in trust for charities and a minority chunk to my mother. Even all her jewellry or the majority that my dm as her only child would have loved, had to be sold as per her wishes. (My Df tried to buy it back but they simply didn't have the money at the time and he was supporting 2 houses so it would have been a frivolity iyswim)
Years go by and the small amount left to my mother plus some of the interest from the trust (approx £1500 pa so not huge) has been invested well in a property abroad. Since then I have saved up money and bought the property next door to it with my mother, but some of the property was legally in my df's name. About 10 years ago he passed it across to me all totally above board as it was meant to be my inheritance and my mother's inheritance from my GM. We have decided due to various circumstances to sell it.
This has become a major issue for the Half siblings, they have never lived with us and since my father became ill 2 years ago have had a stormy relationship with him as they expect him to go out of his way to visit them and fit around them. I am always trying to defend their actions and to get everyone to communicate directly but for some reason relations have deteriorated and I believe the cause of this to be money. They are all at a stage where they want to send their dc to public school but for some reason they expect df to pay (I too have dc and it has never been raised the issue of school fees and I would not expect my parents to pay) which as a retired ill man with 9 GC would accumulate to nearly 200K per year! (Assuming that public school is 10k per term which is not so wide off the mark!).
I appreciate money may well be tight for all of them, but some of this is of their own making - buying large houses at the peak of the market when it wasn't necessary, luxury holidays abroad etc when it transpires that they didn't have the money for it. However they are now demanding that we split the property equally so that they can have their "fair share". This is completely seperate from any inheritance my father might leave to them, in addition to this they are all included in a seperate trust that my Fathers parents set up for them prior to the divorce and naming them specifically. My GM didn't change this before she died as she was too ill so I am the only one of her GC to be left out of that quite lucrative trust. This is why my mother is very adamant that we shouldn't give in to their demands as what I will recieve will even out what we all would have recieved iyswim.
Maybe its just me but I have no expectations on their DM's parents wills and never recieved anything from them. Infact I only met their step father on very few occasions so again would not expect to be included in anything that they were left by him.
I know its long - I am getting there!
Yesterday I had two very unpleasant calls from 2 of my siblings, the kind of calls that have no purpose but to upset. I am in my last trimester of pg with v high bp so don't really need stress but there we go. They called me because they couldn't immediately get hold of my parents to do it to them so tried the weakest gazelle first so to speak. they also did this to me when i was at work, so am really embarrassed!
I emailed my dhb, as he works at the same company I do and told him I was fed up of being a punch bag and that it was really unfair (they have done this for years, bitching about my parents to me But yesterday was vicious) he totally agreed with me and was furious with them, which funnily enough I was quite surprised at but it made me feel like it wasn't just me. I want to add that I didn't call my parents because I know it would have upset them far more and the relationship would have been damaged permanently imo and I didn't want that to happen.
Basically they do blame me for everything, things that happened before may parents met, before I was born and everything that has gone wrong in their lives. They have since also been massively unpleasant to my parents, and it transpires in the country that we have the property we have to get them to sign paperwork acknowledging that the ownership of the flat is mine and my dm, if they don't sign the sale will fall through and we shall have to pay massive financial costs to the buyer. this has all come up literally in the past 48 hours so we didn't realise this was going to happen or the massive fall out.
Frankly yes the money would be very useful but it isn't essential to me, it is however quite important to my parents. (I say not essential to me as in we live within our means so it would be great to have but not essential). In many respects I can understand they are pissed off that we are getting money and they won't be, but if my gm had died yesterday it would have been the same situation, they would not have been included in her will, but at the same time we have constant problems with them and I have to admit that I have got to the point where I would be quite happy to NOT have a relationship with my dhs x 2 even if it means no relationship with my dhb. I feel sick that I am happy to make this decision but after nearly 40 years of being their punch bag and listening to them make nasty comments about my parents without actually ever having said anything directly to them.
I am sorry to have rambled for so long but if no one gets to the end then at least I feel better for having someone to have off loaded on as I don't have anyone to gang up on them in the same way that they have attacked me, but in the same vein this actually means that I have no one to support me whilst they all have each other.