I know I over-reacted but I'm still so angry

[shakx]

I am feeling an overwhelming anger directed at DP at the moment and I'm sure it is irrational but I can't help it. It all blew up over the weekend. We went to the forest on Sunday for a day out, parked the car, went for a walk. When we got back to the car, we found it was completely stuck in mud. DP starts ranting and raving at the car. People were looking. I was getting impatient and just kept repeating to him "we need to go and get help" to which I got ignored. About 1o minutes later, a young bloke came walking across and asked us if we needed some help. DP just said "yes" no please or anything, adding to my irritance. So the bloke said "you try and drive it out of here and I'll push". So DP gets in the car, slams on the accelerator promtly firing sludge and mud up this blokes WHITE shorts and t-shirt, not to mention face etc. I shouted at DP to go easy on the accelerator. He ignored me and continued to floor it, mud was flying everywhere. The bloke tried to reason with DP telling him to take it easy, DP ignored him and carried on trying to floor it. At one point the car rolled backwards and nearly went into the bloke helping us. At this point I said to DP "here, you help to push, I'll drive". he ignored me and floored the accelerator again shooting mud everywhere. The bloke looked at his wife and shook his head, she laughed and turned away. Bloke was NOT laughing and mumbled "for fucks sake" at DP. DP ignored him and tried again to 'zoom' out of the mud. I cracked at this point and shouted at him "LISTEN, ARE WE IN? LET ME DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR, YOU PUSH IT, RIGHT? UNDERSTAND?" the bloke added "thank fuck for that". DP looked AT me, and again floored the accelerator.

In the end we did get out but the bloke was absolutely covered from head to toe in mud and DP didn't even thank him. When I confronted him afterwards he said "I don't know what got into me, I was just panicking and concentrating on getting out so I didn't hear you shouting for me.

I'm fuming because he made us look ridiculous and its not the first time he's done this. I can't even seem to move past it and I can't help but think the incident has made me realise we're just not compatible. I KNOW i'm over-reacting but I'm intensely angry at him.

colditz, that is awful

I am so sorry for the girl who had to endure that

one good thing I can say about my dad is he was never physically abusive (he would actually hit himself...which is kinda equally scary...to a kid)

as we all know though...there are other ways to abuse someone

I expected to be flamed for my post but I see that HairyWoman was thinking along the same lines.

OP have a look at this - its not a comprehensive assessment but it may help if you think ASD is a possibility.

I am not excusing his behaviour, but if it were down to an undiagnosed disorder then it may be helpful for the future for both of you to understand why he behaves like this and how to manage situations like this that may arise.

AF and colditz for you growing up like this - I hope that if ever DS has children there will be enough support systems around him and his family so that my GC would never have to suffer in the same way.

It's very difficult to decide sometimes whether someone has some kind of personality / social disorder or whether they are just a rude nasty bastard.

shakx, I am speechless.

I could not tolerate this behaviour but we all have different thresholds in different areas.
I could not stay with a man like that.

I would be less bothered by infidelity than what you have described, but am probably not typical

JD, I hope you understand I was not making associations with my father's shitty example and others who may suffer from a personality disorder

I actually think in my fathers case it is 10% PD and 90% rude, nasty, self-entitled bastard (which he did have some measure of control over)

shakx, that's awful. No way was he not aware. He is just overly self absorbed and thoughless.

I agree with the waitress test, try it, it works. And as for the way he spoke to your mother - he will be doing this to you soon too. This is why my ex H is my ex. Total dickhead.

Has he always been like this?

I am with jenduff and HairyWoman on this. Shakx - you might find this thread helpful.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/775733-Anyone-else-have-an-Aspergers-DH-How-do-you-cope

AF no I didn't think for a moment that you were

Its just I could well imagine DS behaving like that but thinking, "car stuck; chap asks if i need help - answer yes - and then I'll put the power down cos thats what Jezza Clarkson does" and being totally oblivious to whatever is going on around him - then when he gets pulled up about it is completely bewildered as to what the problem is.

thanks, JD

Yes AnyFucker I was thinking about that episode. Funny on screen, not funny to live with.

Shakx it was the self absorbed way he dealt with it, the way he didn't hear you, the panicking that reminded me of my DH. I got the impression he couldn't have stopped himself even if he tried.