I need to rant about DH.

[suiledonne]

I've just had the week from hell. Our 2 dcs were both ill this week - horrible D&V bug, high temp the lot. I have had very little sleep for a week. Spent every day cleaning up sick and washing all the bedclothes towels etc. The girls have been so clingy and irritable.

DD2 is 17 months and still breastfed, being ill made her want to feed more so I was feeding her practically round the clock. I am worn out.

DH works Saturday mornings and I usually have Sat afternoon to go into town for a couple of hours. Yesterday when he came home he decided he HAD to cut the lawns. We are in a rented house and it is part of our agreement to keep them cut but I don't think it was very urgent.

He said he would do the lawns for a while and then I could go. I ended rushing in for a hour to collect a prescription from the chemists and a few groceries.

When I got back he was ready to go back out before I had even had something to eat. He begrudgingly held on for half an hour so I could get something.

I was up loads in the night again (he got up once) and then dd2 woke me at 6.45 so I got up leaving DH and dd1 asleep.

DH appeared at 7. He thought it was much later. He said he 'wasn't feeling great' and is now back in bed.

I am so fed up.

I had the 'flu quite badly a few weeks ago and didn't get 5 minutes in bed.

I've tried telling him I need time to myself that is not dependant on whether it suits him but things don't change.

I am a SAHM and have no life outside the house at all, partly my own fault as I had PND for a while and gave up on things but I am a lot better and feel the need for some time to myself.

DH is self-employed and works hard which I appreciate but he always makes time to get to the gym etc.

It's been a bad week but just one of many lately.

Sorry. Rant over.

I feel for you. My DP sometimes acts like he is entitled to have rest during the weekend no matter what. We had lots of arguments about it - he is still not doing any washing up or cleaning the house but if I want him to look after DS I just tell him - 'from now on you look after DS for the rest of the day'. If he tries to avoid it I press the guilt buttons such as 'DS would be quite upset if he could understand you don't want to spend time with him' or similar. Usually that works.

If needed, I also point out all the things I've done in the house during the week (and I'm working full time, no staying at home for me...) if he starts whinging 'I'm tired, need some rest' and tries to avoid doing things.

I'd say talk to him and tell him about your week and how it was (cleaning the sick etc, no rest). While it's sort of obvious, he might not realise how wearing that all is.

I found that telling DP exactly what I want him to do (usually in a nice way) helps. Tell your DH you're tired, have a bad headache and that he is in charge of kids for x hours.

I really don't mean to sound flippant but he does this because he can.

You allow him to do it.

God knows, I do the same. I am up, dressed, walked dog, tidied up, loads of washing done. And my DH is still asleep.

If you had said yesterday "It is 1pm I am going into town. OK, you need to cut the lawns but the DCs also need to watched" and walked out, what would he have done?

Take him a cup of tea, say "ok you can drink that but then I would really appreciate you getting up and helping me because I am exhausted too but XYZ needs doing".

I think it is all too easy for us women to go for the easy option which is "just doing it all ourselves" but then look what happens. We get exhausted, sick and resentful.

And it isnt fair. BUt the majority of men are dumb and need things explained to them in words of one syllable. They don't "see" it. They need it explained.

I can say all of this, but I can't put it into practice either!

BBA loving you today, spot on!

I do feel for you. I had a horrible Christmas Eve one year, going mad, stuck indoors with two children with chicken pox. Dh's office always closes at midday on xmas eve, so i was looking forward to seeing him shortly after that.

In fact, he took the opportunity to spend the afternoon in the pub with his friend and turned up just after bathtime.

I was upset but I think he was genuinely surprised that I had a problem! I think he thought that i had just been having a lovely Christmassy afternoon at home with the dcs (not the reality of carrying toddlers around for hours; cleaning up sick; etc etc)..

I had assumed that he would understand that I would need some support back at home, and hadn't explicitly told him (because I thought it would be so obvious.) I wish now that on this occasion (and others very similar) that I had made it absolutely clear that I wanted him back home (and ignored any consequent sulking stc).

Sorry to be sweeping, but I don't think men use their imaginations much, and need to told stuff that to us would be obvious.

I agree with BBM that it's always easier to say this stuff than to do it, especially when it means some sort of confrontation.

BigBadMummy is spot on.

Don't make a martyr of yourself - you'll get no thanks for it - only criticised for being miserable and nagging.

They are his children too - he should be doing his share when he is not at work