My husband has just left and i feel like killing my slef

[Tuesday13]

Help

I have no money, no savings no job, no family no friend and i have a 15 month old with a crap mum and no dad.

Husband has go to stay with him mum and dad and left me here with my son.

What do i do? i have no where to go. Im so lost and just want to die.

I have let my son down and i have no idea what to do.

Is your house in joint names? If so ring mortgage company and explain you're separated and that nothing can be agreed on house at all without your permission or something similar and to put note on file. Your H won't be able to sell it without your signature I believe, so don't sign anything. Get legal aid, sign up to benefits and book solicitors appointment.

I maybe slightly out on housing info as I'm not an expert here really. But I'm pretty sure if you're joint owners, he cannot do anything without you both signing documentation

Hey, I was in a relationship once where I kept finding pornography on his computer. I told him how much it hurt me and that he should find a girlfriend that didn't mind it, because I did. He used to promise it would never happen again.

But it always did. It used to hurt so much. And I want you to know I totally understand how much it hurt you.

I'm now married to a Christian man who not only disagrees with pornography, but looks away if a naked woman comes onto the television. I want you to know this to give you hope that not all men are pigs!

It sounds like you are getting stronger already. We are all here to listen to you, let us know how you are xx

Hang on in here and take one step at a time. Stay strong. xxxxxxx

The mortage is in his sole name and he can sell it out from under me. It is already on the market. I hate him how could he do this to his son.

Walkes off to cry some more

It's going to be OK, it may not feel like it right now but one day it will.

Call 0800 055 6688 and get yourself signed up for benefits. They can help you find somewhere to live as well if necessary.

Have you already got a sole bank account your child benefit goes into? This is where all your benefits need to go so you have enough money to buy nappies and food.

If you are married, even if the house is in your husband's sole name, I'm fairly sure there's something you can do to stop him just selling it out from under you. An order or something that goes to the Land Registry, I believe. Get some legal advice quickly about this. Citizens Advice can give you good initial advice, later on you can find a solicitor who does legal aid.

Annie is right - you need to register your interest in the house (a matrimonial home right) with the Land Registry - the mortgage postion is irrelevant. I believe there is no charge for making this Land Registry registration. Upon reistration your (D)H will be notified by the Land Reistry of your registered interest which will make him realise that he cannot just walk all over you and just get things his way with regard to the sale of your house. Get advice on this fast - CAB will be able to help, it is not actually that difficult.

Wanttofly you've got some great advice from Annie and Aussie. I didn't know you could do this. Hope you're ok and can get to a CAB.

You have protection under the matrimonial homes act. he cannot force you out of your home. Go see a solicitor asap.

How are you wanttofly?

Hi
I'm back been busy!

I got lagel aid and registured my intrest and started devoice procedure.

I have applied for benefits and sorted other money stuff out so i'm ok for the moment.

BUT here is a new problem i have see HV and the doctor and i have got PND. I had it from when my child was born but my DH stoped me getting help as he think they would take the child and that it would affect my employment later on.

I have now got help from everyone and they have been so nice and supportive to me. i talked to HV for an hour and didn't stop crying. She was so helpful.

She thinks i am too sick to work right now so i might not go back to work and i dont know if i can afford bills and food but i have got income support interview later this week. So some money better than none.

Second problem when i told H that i have done this he started to say he loves me and wants to work on things.

I told him i had started devoice process but he still came with me to Doctors to get me help after HV called him.

He wants to stay apart and let me sort myself out and we can both go to relate to sort marrage out. His mum and dad have tried being friendly and have no talked to me as i have asked them not to.

He said he loves me and will not give me a devioce as he wants to work on things.

Now i'm just confused. What do you think?
He is staying at his mum and dad's and has an appointment at solicitor next week to see what his responiability is towards me and his son but not to get a devioce.

Sorry about spelling i'm dyslexic and a bit stressed right now

Well done you're doing great.

I think the divorce process takes a long time and you can cancel it in due course IF (it's a big if) he proves he deserves your trust and earns it again. IYSWIM? You've probably only had an initial meeting so far, statements of arrangements, fee remission forms, the divorce petition all need filling in in due course and it all takes time, lots of it. So there's no rush IMO. Nothing will have been submitted to court as yet, its early days.

You could look at counseling with Relate if he's serious? But don't cancel anything with solicitor as yet.

I'd personally try and put some boundaries in place right now for you and your son in regards to your H. Not in an unkind way, just so you have the space you need right now but he still gets contact with his child at agreed times. But it will help you to think clearer and make the right choices.

You need to think clearly about what brought everything to a head, his reasons for leaving, if it can be worked through. Think about writing a list of pros and cons of you both and whether this relationship is WORTH fighting for? Would your son be happier and you, living without him?

Since my H and I separated my children have actually been happier, sleeping better and more content. I never argued in front of them BUT they pick up on the atmosphere. It obviously affected them far more than I thought. Your situation is different from mine but try and look at the whole picture to make the right choice. I'm a great advocate of marriage and value it. You do need to be very sure you're making the right choice and there are far wiser people on mumsnet than me but these are some more thoughts that have crossed my mind.