Turned the phone off.......

[fifitot]

I suppose I should have put this on AIBU (but scared of response!). Or NPD thread but can't find it for some reason.

Me and my mother have 'issues'. She lives around 200 mls away and it has become a bit of a habit that I ring on a Sat teatime. If I don't she usually rings in a panic 'is there anything wrong????' She has serious worry issues but uses it as a form of control and a way of excusing her terrible behaviour at times. You know how it goes....'Yes but I was so worried'.

TBH saw her earlier this week and we had a bit of a row and she said some things which really pissed me off and I never have a right of reply - she just goes off in a huff. The queen of passive aggression.

Anyway I have really been dreading ringing her tonight. I can't be arsed, am tired, got nothing to say and am still mad at her. I know she will fret and would eventually get round to calling me. So have unplugged the phone. Just to give me a bit of space. Will prob ring tomorrow or send a text or something tonight so she won't spend the evening catastrophising.

Am I horrible?

No, you're not horrible. I know what you mean, my gran would freak if I didn't call her the very second I had got home after visiting her house. If I called a few minutes late she would be convinced I'd been murdered .

My stepmum has to call her mum every evening about 6pm IIRC. It must get a bit annoying having to drop everything to do it.

YANBU

No, you're not horrible at all. Why not just send a text now to pre-empt anything escalating ie if you have siblings, will she ring in a panic?

sounds like passive agressive yourself if im honest.

send her a text 'im ok just busy' thats it - then turn your phone off

My mums just like that - we have the Saturday morning ritual.
The panic, the ringing, the worries..
I'm sure you're not horrible.
She'll make you pay for it though, you know that? : )

Thanks and yes coffeinbed somewhere along the line I will pay for it!

Custardo - me passive agressive? Really? It never occured to me that avoiding a phone call once in a blue moon was passive aggressive but suppose it could look that way. Still,,, if you knew my mother you might say different.

my mother was a nutjob - you have my every sympathy

How did you cope custardo? I find the situation worsens as we both get older.

we fell out - and i didn't see her for two years. made easier by the fact that i moved 300 miles away

i then made contact becuase she was getting on - lived alone -no social life and i am an only child half cathlolic half jewish stock so the guilt was overwhelming anyway i found her dead so thats the end of that and that was years ago.

i am a strong advocate of cutting someone out of your life if they make your life miserable or they shit all over you - i have done it to friends and family on v. rare occasions.

so in your case, i think you just need distance.

I'm sorry OP,sounds a very difficult situation. My mum is lovely but MIL is another story, very controlling (disguised as worry/concern) of DH and tried to exert that control over me for years before I just had enough one day and cut her off. DH still has regular contact and thats his call i suppose, she's HIS mother afterall. TBH I think DH would cut her off but he fears being in Custardos situation but wouldn't be able to handle the guilt.

Maybe just let her know you are okay, and then have a break from each other like other posters have said?