I am completely unable to express anger

[javotte]

Hello.
I hope someone can help me express my feelings towards my parents.
They often tell me that, even when I was a baby, they only had to look at me with an angry face to make me burst into tears. They see this as a good thing, but it means that for as far as I can remember, I have been unable to say no to them or tell them when I am angry at them.
On the rare occasions when I expressed disapproval (in my early teens), they called me "hysterical". I have been bottling up my feelings ever since.
They were obsessed with my weight at the time (I was normal then, I am now a siez 22 thanks to binge eating disorder), but I have never told them how much it hurt (and still hurts).
Now the criticisms are directed towards the way I bring up my children. Sometimes I would like to scream, I just don't know how to tell them.
I don't want you to think they were abusive parents. I had a happy childhood and they love me, but since I don't tell them when something hurts me, my anger accumulates and I cannot let it out.
Any advice? Thanks.

It's a little bit sad that you only have a tiny mirror, javotte ... I do hope it will help you move a bit further towards liking what you see

Something we often forget, when discussing 'abusive' parents, is that children of disabled parents frequently grow up with the same issues. A sighted child of blind parents, for instance, might grow up without the healthy narcissism that begins when the toddler discovers her own reflection. Children of educationally-challenged parents may have no idea about ordinary conversation. Chronically-ill parents may need constant care, leaving the child to carry inappropriate responsibilities.

Differently-abled parents aren't at 'fault' for their parenting inadequacies. It can be helpful to accept that differently-wired parents aren't, either. In both scenarios, the child needs support to repair damaged parts of her character, once she's in a position to do so.

I echo the above and would recommend lurking on Stately Homes, if nothing else. Being abused is not a competition, it doesn't have to have been that bad.

I feel, in the nicest possible way, that you are clinging to the 'fact' that your parents weren't abusive, it was unconscious and it's not as bad as what happened to other people. The alternative to this 'fact' is hard to deal with it. Just sit with the idea that maybe they were abusive after all.

i would definitely get Susan Forward's 'Toxic Families' as it is an exceptionally well written book on the subject. I thought I knew it all, but her book has helped come to terms with things much quicker.

Obviously I too am a fully paid up member of the Stately Homes, although don't post that often as I can find it quite overwhelming. However when I do, it is incredibly helpful and supportive.