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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't find my H as sexually attractive as I want to

28 replies

willowford · 06/05/2010 15:00

I know this is a wierd thing to say and I feel bad for even writing it....but I just seem to have lost that passion to rip my H clothes off and dtd...I love him, I love our family and I love the life we have built together so what the hell is wrong with me?

Has anyone else ever felt like this? I have spoken to him about how I feel but what can he do to change my perception of him!! Its not him is it...its me!

Our problems seemed to start when I was pg with our 1st child - my sex drive went through the roof and his was non existent. I kept asking if it was because I was pg and he would say no, he was tired/not in the mood etc It wasn't til after I had given birth and a few months after that actually that he finally admitted that it was because I was pg but by then the damage in my head had already been done. I just wish he had been honest with me from the start cos I spent my pg feeling so unattractive to my H. However, I did get some attention from a guy at work who I had always fancied but would never have dreamt that I would do anything about until he came on to me when I went back after maternity leave and I am ashamed to say we eventually slept together. It was amazing I'm not going to lie but now it seems the damage to my marriage is irreversable and I know I only have myself to blame. My H knows nothing about what I have done and thats the way I'm keeping it for the sake of our marriage and our kids (we now have 2). H ewas exactly the same with 2nd pg but at least I knew the reason. We are aware we have problems and have talked about going to relate but we are working through them.. Despite what you may think I do love my H and I never for one minute thought I would have had been unfaithful but that is the reality of my situation.

Thanks for listening x

OP posts:
BritFish · 08/05/2010 21:32

ummm....when i got really huge my DH went off sex completely, i dont think that means he has a whore/mother complex. i think that for him personally, when he looked at me he didnt see my normal sexy self, he saw his child growing inside me, and that would turn me off should it be the other way round!

if my DH suddenly grew a MASSIVE beer belly, i would be turned off. sorry, id still love him, but i dont think id fancy him. which isnt shallow IMO, its the truth. if im not physically attracted to a guy with a beer belly, or a pregnant woman, that doesnt make you shallow.
sexual desire is ever moving and changing and completely irrational. which is what makes it special and exciting.

MarkOatensHankyPanky · 08/05/2010 21:48

Fanjolina, my dh wouldn't even touch my bump. He wouldn't even look when it was kicking.
A gal just can't feel the same when someone has shown such strong repulsion towards them.
To see the man I passionately love physically recoil when I went to kiss him was like a punch to the stomach.

It's a tricky one, because while it is, imo, wrong to refuse sex all the time, forcing someone to be intimate is beyond abhorrent.

I think, OP, you seem genuinely sorry about the affair.
Are you worried it will happen again?

FanjolinaJolie · 09/05/2010 21:18

Mark for you, that is an awful situation. Have things improved?? Really hope so.

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