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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Affair

4 replies

notsobig · 04/05/2010 19:24

please help. My H has been having a 9 month affair. The OW was at work and in love with him. i was 7 month pregnant with 14 month old when it started, we were moving house, stressed life was chaos... No investement in us and thus an affair. He told me after 5 months of acting like a zombee to all around him. Disconected with us, family, friend and work. His life was falling apart and no-one could work out why. It is unbelieveable he has done this...so very out of character.
After telling me, he pretended to have finished it for 2 months. Lies, arugments, the disconnected man remained. I found out twice it was still going and on the second time left.....He then gave her up... and I do believe he has. He is now a changed man. completely. He describes the affair time as black, fog, confused, disconnected from his soul etc. He hardly remembers the time. We are having counselling. I think it helps. He is still not living here and has not for 2 months.
Has anyone experience the same? Affairs... I'm sure and saddened that many have. please i would love your advice on recovery from this black pit I am in. My soul has truely died.
But also of this confusion/fog/totally dissociated state my husband entered... is this real? Is this depersonalisation from the horrendous act he has done to his young family?
Please help....

OP posts:

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 04/05/2010 21:15

Hi can totally relate to the zombie state you mention and the lies. So horrid to go through and all the worse with you being pregnant ffs.

Sadly, my XH left for OW and our relationship ended. And tbh I am personally much better off without him although he's left issues behind here that are difficult to come to terms with.

But, a number of knowledgeable people here have worked through this time with their husbands and have come out of the other side.

Hopefully they will be along soon and in the meantime, be comforted by the fact that many many people have been where you are now and have come through it successfully.

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 04/05/2010 21:19

Hi can totally relate to the zombie state you mention and the lies. So horrid to go through and all the worse with you being pregnant ffs.

Sadly, my XH left for OW and our relationship ended. And tbh I am personally much better off without him although he's left issues behind here that are difficult to come to terms with.

But, a number of knowledgeable people here have worked through this time with their husbands and have come out of the other side.

Hopefully they will be along soon and in the meantime, be comforted by the fact that many many people have been where you are now and have come through it successfully.

Original poster

notsobig · 04/05/2010 22:08

Thank you for your words.

How did you get over things when he left? Do you have children?

OP posts:

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 14/05/2010 17:58

really sorry, I hadn't been back to this thread to see your reply.

For me it was so awful when he was living here being foul that it was a joyful release when he left. Have got 2 DC's - it was a terrible shock for them when he left and one of the DC's is a pretty troubled teem but tbh it's happier household now and I think the kids are much better off in the new situation.

How's it been going?

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