What if I told abusive XP that baby not his?

[pinemartina]

Just floating this as not sure I am really up to it,or could sink to doing it.....Baby is 3 weeks old,he has not seen for 2 weeks and no contact,his choice, although was told to leave by Health Care Professionals due to emotional abuse and can't return or else SS will be involved......

If I did this..

He would then hate me and go away FOR GOOD as there are no other connections between us...
He already believes I have slept with numerous others (not true) but couldn't prove it...
He could not subject dd to confusing, mad power games.

But

I would be unfairly engineering dd's life,wouldn't I ?....

Is he the father then?

Don't do it.

It will only cause problems. What will you do if he decided to ask for a paternity test?

And when your DD asks later in life?

Wait a while, you have got him out of your life for now.

He is the father Goober and he is such a control freak that ,if he could understand anyone elses reality -ie mine- he would know for sure that she could only possibly be his...however,if he could see my reality,he wouldn't be such an npd abusive bastard etc

Poor you.

I would tell him nothing - do not make contact with him

If he wants to have contact with his dd leave it up to him to make a move, deal with it when it happens

Forget about him as much as you can for the moment and concentrate on looking after your baby and yourself, you need to recover from the birth and you don't need this stress

I would agree with others - don't lie about it and also don't worry about the future for now

No don't do it - he'll demand a paternity test and then in any future court proceedings, you will like an unreasonable nutter for having lied about something so important.

Just don't make any effort to get in touch with him and make a written note of any contact he has with you so that you have it in future if you need it.

Tempting, I know. But I wouldn't want to push his buttons if he's abusive, he could turn badly

Wow, gosh, um.
I can see why you would, and in the short term would be a good thing. Also your DD might understand when she grows up why you felt you ahd to say it to protect her.
But still, it's a huge lie. Could you live with it?

That's very good advice from herbeatitude, keep a note of contact from him

Also, what about your other DD's? They might find out and IIRC they are old enough to wonder about this too.
Have you heard from him recently then? Sorry I've not been in touch btw, DD2 has horrible ear infection and I am drained

Not heard at all.It is unnerving ,as I expected loads of dreadfulness .He txtd fortnight ago that I am unfit M - that is also part of what he told MW when asked to go - said HE had to protect my 4 dc's(NOT HIS) from ME! Was not believed.
I know his friends and family have been made to believe that I am unstable,unreasonable and a dodgy,flaky single parent scrounger...(I work full time,he is retired on health grounds from teaching and chooses not to work...)
They also support his view that I "trapped" him by "getting myself pregnant" !!! Apparently I did this by ensuring he was unable to withdraw on occasions when I had calculated most fertile and I then lay on my back with my legs in the air for an hour...against his will...!!!!!

He told all this to the MW in front of me....she thought he was bonkers..

If you're not married and he is not on the birth certificate then he hasn't got parental responsibility.