To prefer it when dp is not here.

[cleanandcomfort]

Been together along time, he has never got round to marrying me, we have been engaged nearly 5 years but tbh I dont want to marry him anymore.
He works all the time 8am till 8pm which is great he provides for us, which I love tbh,but i may as well be a single parent.

When he is home I hate it, he takes over the tv,lays in to midday,the kids play up,I feel like giving up as I have no structure to our dc routine,he never helps with the kids, I feel he is very selfish.

Im no longer attracted to him as the thought of sleeping together repulses me, he just doe not care about the way he looks and Im not attracted to him but dont know how to tell him.

I try and plan babysitters but he just wants to go to the local,he never comes up with any ideas and if I ask him what he would like to do? he just says I dont mind?.

The other day I was poorly had an upset tummy but still went out, had to come home in the end as I was sick and felt unwell, he just accused me of being drunk, when everyone knew I was generally ill. he also invited everyone back I shouted and said he was out of order and went to bed,hence they did not come back.

I have started to plan a few nights out with my girl mates, he goes out twice a week,which I never do but I cant spend my life being with a miserable fart.

I deserve a life, I care for our children and rarely get a break,cant even get a job as he works 8am till 8pm so would have no childcare, I work one day a week, I love our ds dearly but im not happy and feel unloved and unappreciated, aibu.

Bump anyone please ?
New to relationships, normally in aibu.

What are you asking? It sounds like you want out of the relationship and want validation for that - your DP doesn't sound great, it's true, and if you have no love nor respect for him, and have no desire to be with him in any capacity, let alone an intimate one, then it's probably time to call it a day.

Or you could go to Relate and try and see if there is anything there to salvage. If not, they will help you separate - I have a friend who tried Relate and his counsellor told them that they should part.

Im not sure what im asking really advice as to whether we should call it a day, before I turn my kids lives upside down.

Just to say I feel touched by reading this and feel sympathy for you. I hope someone more qualified will come along with some good advice. It sounds like you work very hard for the family and need some help and understanding from him, and if he could learn to do that maybe you'd find him more attractive to be around as a person.

Is it possible you could go to Relate as a couple or some such? I don't know how aware he might be of what a strain he puts on you and how crucial it is that he makes some changes in order to keep your family together. It could be that he just can't see at the moment what this is doing to you, and perhaps it sounds like he might feel a bit depressed or unsure of how he can fit in to helping family life. You're certainly not BU to feel like this, and you deserve for things to get better. Wishing for it to work out well for you.

You've asked an AIBU question ... hard to reply without giving AIBU-style answers

First you have to work out what you want. You say you enjoy the fact that he provides for you, yet then you say you can't get a job but also that you work one day a week .

What would be the ideal work/home balance for you?

Sorry thumbwitch noone had posted when I wrote that - not saying you're not qualified!

no probs, oosa.