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Original poster

A bit confused..

21 replies

Ericasmum · 04/05/2010 12:37

Just in a new relationship - and new partner has told me his fantasy is having a threesome - me and another woman and asked me would I do it. He only told me this when I asked him what really turns on, said he might've mentioned it at some point, so is not pressuring me in any way. This just isn't anything I've come across before, my first reaction was 'no' and that's what I've told him, however, I've since said 'never say never'...he also likes ripping my clothes off! Which, again, isn't anything I've encountered before, I'm not unhappy about it - just wondered if anyone has any similar sort of experience...??

OP posts:
baublesbanglesandbeads · 04/05/2010 14:27

I dont have any answers but am in a very similar position, new relationship and not been asked to do anything, but have been told things which have been done in the past which would be sooo very new to me!!!

Original poster
Ericasmum · 04/05/2010 14:34

I think, even though he won't ask me again unless I bring it up, it's always at the back of his mind and I'm almost wondering if he's controlling - with the clothes ripping - yikes!! It's difficult when it's soooo different to what you know - isn't it? I thought I was normal .. lol

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 04/05/2010 14:39

What, he literally rips your clothes off? I hope he replaces them!

With regards to the threesome - it's a common fantasy, and one which is better off left as a fantasy in my experience. Please don't agree to anything just to please your new partner. Not unless you know 100% that you want to do it, and would be comfortable watching your partner shag someone else right in front of you, and vice versa.

baublesbanglesandbeads · 04/05/2010 14:42

Im not prepared to do anything im not comfortable with and if he doesnt like that, he can always 'do one' !!

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 14:51

There's two answers to this - the comedy answer and the realistic answer. Not that I've ever had a threesome, but seems like everyone else I know has. Mostly everyone says it works much better as a fantasy than a reality.

Comedy answer: most men battle to satisfy one woman in bed, so if there's two you've got no chance. He'll end up watching the football while you two criticise his performance and compare hair straighteners

Realistic answer: Generally ends in tears. The crying sort.

I don't have a moral judgement on it - not my thing, but neither is crown green bowls. Just make sure you do it because YOU fancy the idea, not because you are pressured.

Original poster
Ericasmum · 04/05/2010 14:52

There's no way I'm doing anything I'm not happy with and I've made that clear. The clothes ripping has only happened the once but he's joked about doing it again - I said I'll go to a charity shop and get some old clobber he's not ruining anything decent!! Seems a bit pervy to me...

OP posts:
Malificence · 04/05/2010 14:54

I suppose the main issue is whether or not you actually fancy women - if you don't then why would you even contemplate it?
There seems to be a myth that all women are bi-curious, yet nobody would dare to suggest that all men are.

All men probably fantasise about having two women at once and most seem to enjoy the idea of lesbian sex, the whole point of fantasies is that they aren't real though, no messy emotions etc. to get in the way and spoil things.

I can empathise with the ripping off of clothes, I love it, and as long as he's not ripping off your best las senzas, it's not even potentially harmful to your relationship, which threesomes etc. most definitely are.

If he starts to drone on and on about it, you'll have your answer.

Anniegetyourgun · 04/05/2010 14:54

It would be interesting to see his reaction if you agreed that a threesome was a great idea, provided it was two men and one woman (you). Do you know, I somehow suspect he wouldn't be nearly as excited by the idea.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2010 14:58

good answer gay40!

Call me a bit prudish (it's been said...) but if a new partner was placing these kinds of ideas in the ring already, I would be a bit

oh, and do all you ladies believe everything you are told about past conquests/experiences etc ? Because if so, that would be more than a little naive...

I think that some men would not be averse to a little romancing in order to persuade you to do something, or, worst-case scenario, make you feel slightly rubbish at sex because you haven't done all these exciting things he has

because that is blackmail, isn't it ?

Original poster
Ericasmum · 04/05/2010 15:18

He only mentioned it when I asked him what really turns him on - i meant in the context of him and me, he obviously answered in the wider sphere. I asked if he'de have mentioned it if I hadn't asked - he said maybe, at some point. So I feel ok with that.

I asked if he makes a habit of asking gf's - he says no ones ever wanted to and that he's never done it before..!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/05/2010 16:57

ah, now that is better I guess, EM

don't let him persuade you, though

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 17:06

The threesomes with two men and one woman seemed to end in less drama and recriminations, according to my sources.
I'm not sure what that tells us.
Anyway just because you want to do something in your head, doesn't mean you want to do it in reality.

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 17:08

And if he thinks it will be like the lesbian porn he might have happened upon, it isn't.

ItsGraceAgain · 04/05/2010 17:29

It's a really common fantasy. Seems to me it does happen quite a bit, but only in random shagging situations. As others have pointed out, the reality of watching your PARTNER bonk another woman is unlikely to lead to the rosy-glow love-in of fantasy. Best if this one stays in his head, tbh

He seems to have quite lively store of bedroom ideas; I'm sure he can come up with a few more that don't involve a third party! As AF said: watch out for subtle suggestions that you're 'not good enough' ... because introducing an unacceptable fantasy early in the relationship can be the beginning of a control campaign.

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 18:06

Again, according to sources, it works fine when none of the parties are involved with each other.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2010 18:17

sources, Gay ?

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 18:23

Sources, aye. As I said earlier ^^ I've not had a threesome myself but I seem to be in the minority with my circle of friends etc.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2010 18:25

Interesting that...in my circle of friends I would say a tiny minority have experienced something like this

So tiny, in fact, that I do not know of anybody that has

However, I am aware the least likely people can have very fruity sexlives so I am not saying that all of them have definitely not, IYSWIM

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 18:27

And my circle of friends are mostly heterosexual.

AnyFucker · 04/05/2010 18:42

am missing out ! < humpf >

kickassangel · 04/05/2010 19:05

hmm, it sounds like he's into 'porn sex', e.g. even if he hasn't spent large amounts of time watching the stuff, he somehow thinks that the kind of sex in porn films is what you should aspire to. after all, if it turns people on to watch it, it must turn people on even more to do it.

however, very few people really get turned on by 'posing' and wondering if they're in the best position for the camera/lights/audience etc, so this 'style' of sex doesn't tend to last much.

if you enjoy it, fine, but otherwise he needs to realise the difference between fantasy & reality.

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