My Husband has just told me "to get off my arse"!

[Fruitysunshine]

I am fuming!

For weeks I have been pushing him to get on with the DIY. The patio is nearly finished, the hall is now started, it took my weeks to get my sons room decorated for him moving back in and I did it myself in the end, as well as running the house every day, the school run, their diaries, washing every day, cooking, tidying up, supporting friends, being his PA and running by own events business!

We were sitting in the lounge and my glass of wine had finished. I hinted that it could do with topping up and after a couple of minutes he got us saying in a really nasty tone "Why don't you just get off your arse and do it yourself?"

In the 5 years I have known my husband he has never said anything like this to me. I was really upset and said something along the lines of "Well next time you can cook your own bloody tea then" and he said "I normally do" . For the record, he does not, I do it!!

What hurts me most is that I have saved my wages for months and later in the month it is his birthday and I have organised a black tie James Bond themed dinner/dance/casino night and all our friends and family are attending from as far away as Canada and he knows nothing of it. It is costing me around £3k and I have organised this in total secret for the last 13 months because I believe he is worth it and I love him to bits, but tonight he has really shocked/hurt me with what he said and we have always had such a high level of respect for each other (or so I thought) that it makes me think that things are changing for him. I feel I work really hard for my family, as he does and his comments tonight make me think he believes I am slacking and that he is carrying the weight.

Now I want to be all petulant and cancel his party!

Please somebody calm me down and prevent me ringing the hotel tomorrow and cancel the bloody birthday party!

Not at all, we have had a good talk through about it this morning and there is a bit of mind reading not going on through no fault of his own and me feeling a bit pressurised.

His business is financially sound he assures me, but it is just that he has a lot of work involved and he admits his time management/prioritising skills are rubbish and he has asked me if I can spend a couple of hours a week more helping him with his admin. I am more than happy to do this if it will help him and free up some time making him and me happier in general.

I cannot wait until the night of the party so I can finally breath! I love what we have built together but it is not the same without him being involved hence my upset that something was not right.

I think I speak for all of us when I simply say, "BLOODY MEN!".

They will never change. Lazy brutes!

You stand firm, Girl.

If I were you I would pull him up short pronto (before spending that 3k - you might need it!)

I would calmly explain that things seem to be going down hill between you and you want to know whether there is a problem that you can work together to fix or does he want out? (you need to be prepared for the answer, obviously)

Tell him you are not willing to continue as things are as the mariage will fall apart around your ears.

sounds good- hope your chat cleared the air a bit.

i also hope he apologised for talking to you so disrespectfully?

make sure you don't get taken for granted fruity x

fruity, that sounds much better. So glad you managed a decent talk about things - hurrah! And now you can look forward to the party again.

I'd still threaten to get a man in to do the decorating though!

Thanks ladies - points regarding being taken for granted and getting in a man that can are noted!