have namechanged for usual reason - huge apologies for long and vague and convoluted this sounds.
I've not been happy since DS was born 18mo ago and I can't differentiate between it being all inside my head or major cracks in my relationship with DH which are being ignored by us both and therefore getting worse.
DS had colic for the 1st few months but has got easier since and is a brilliant little boy now. On the other hand I think DH has become more selfish and introverted and the majority of the time now we seem to have got into habits of being "affectionately" mean to each other.
He's incredibly supportive of my career and tells me a lot how beautiful and sexy I am and that he loves me and how much he appreciates what I do for our son. But he also belittles me, shouts at me out of the blue, blames me irrationally, has on a few occasions had a go at me for not bringing more money into the house (I know this stems from him being frustrated at the lack of our quality of life pre-baby). I often feel like I only get affection when he wants sex.
He's always been quite shy but was overcoming that and when comfortable is great in social situations, but since our DS he has become lazy about socialising (he doesn't have many friends at all whereas I can't bear not to be surrounded by other people) and it frustrates me as I feel I'm contantly making excuses for him.
But, I have a history of depression/self-indulgence. I don't know how much of my unhappiness is due to my own state of mind and putting it onto my DH. My mum always says divorce should be illegal within the 1st 2 years of a new baby's life - am I expecting too much?
I was in an awful situation the other night, an old flame and I went for a drink (we've remained friends the last 9 years) and he 'admitted' to me he was gutted when I told him I was getting married, that he's always had feelings for me, he can't stop thinking about me etc etc I feel like a moron who was feeling a bit down and bought the crap he was feeding me. I was awful though and told him about the times I still think of him and (god it makes me feel sick to even think of this) we kissed - I got very upset and he apologised, saying he was being selfish but couldn't not tell me. I feel like the most horrendous person in the world, it won't ever happen again. I know this isn't about me wanting OM. but it has forced me to look at some home truths and I need to talk to someone about this.
Do I try to get a referral to an individual therapist, or does it sound like Relate might be better so at least DH is part of the solution?
Thankyou....