Need to stop feeling so ugly

[JR79]

Very long story short... I was with my boyfriend for 8 years, we grew apart but were living as friends. I met, fell in love with and moved in with my current partner, that was 5 years ago. We have 2 beautiful children together but the fact is I have never felt uglier. My hair is so limp it makes me look weak, I've tried various hairstyles but nothing suits me, my skin is worse than a teenagers yet no tablets work, I don't have a single photo of me with my children as I don't want them to look back and see how ugly I was. I need to change something but don't know what when everything I see in the mirrow is just ugly. I know my partner loves me and still wants a physical relationship but I just can't bear the thought of him seeing/feeling my saggy stomach/boobs, it's all just ugly.

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so crappy. I think you need to force yourself to be in photos with your kids because you won't get this time back and they may be sad when they are older to have no photos with you in them.

More importantly though is how you feel about yourself. If you haven't already, try a new hairdresser - explain your problems with your hair and ask them to suggest a style that would work with your hair type.
Skin - go and see your doctor and explain how much it is getting you down - there are lots of treatments for acne and I'm sure they can do something to help.

It also sounds like you are feeling quite down and having trouble seeing any positives about yourself. Is it possible that you are depressed? Sorry I am no expert but I just hate to think of you feeling this badly about yourself. It really seems like your partner doesn't see you the way you see yourself so it may well be that you are being far too harsh.

Thanks Cas but it doesn't help that his ex-wife is 10 times more attractive than I am and that's a fact. They grew apart aswell which is why we first got chatting, we met through a mutual friend and found we had alot in common but she still lives local and I'm sure people wonder why he chose me over her. The harsher acne medications make me extra hormonal which is not something I want either, just want to one day smile and not feel ugly when I do it.

Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? The important thing is that he loves you and he chose you.
BTW I have never met my dhs exwife but once asked him what she looked like and he replied "stunning" I could have smacked him one.
Medications don't need to be harsh - sometimes antibiotics are very helpful or topical treatments which won't affect your hormones.
Sorry if I'm wrong but it sounds like what is in the mirror is only part of the issue, how you feel about yourself is alot more than how you look. Think about the good things about yourself - good mum, loyal friend, loving partner and your individual attributes and try and boost your own self esteem.
His exwife is not important.

Awwww- your DCs will certainly not think their lovely Mummy is ugly and will want to see photos of you all together.

You must focus on the fact -FACT -that your DP is with you and not his " ex-wife (who)is 10 times more attractive ". Attraction is not (thankfully) based only on beauty -see all of the Hollywood stars who have poor relationships.All their beauty didnt help their marriages. But look around you at the people you know in real life. How many stunners are there? How many hunks? Few and far between . And how many happy and longstanding relationships? Loads.

Look into alternative therapies for acne and see a good hairdresser . But most of all enjoy your youth and children . And get in the photos.

Stop right there! Your bf loves you for a reason. He's not an idiot. He knows that you are much more attractive that his ex-wife. Attraction is so much deeper than looks...and you must remember that.

But the main thing is that you need to feel better about yourself. Your bf loves you and fancies you. You have two gorgeous kids. Hair is easily fixable. Get some volume shampoo and conditioner. Take some time blow-drying it. These days hair problems all have a solution.

And remember that most moms have saggy bellies/boobs. Hey, you are not perfect..who is? Get some gorgeous underwear and hoik your boobs up, slather yourself in some gorgeous body lotion. Greet your bf like you couldn't wait to see him. Watch a funny movie to make you laugh...whatever puts you in a good mood.

I always used to marvel at plain/ugly men and women who could attract anyone they wanted. It was because they were happy in their own bodies, had a zest for life and refused to let anything get them down. Try it...be a different person for a day. And maybe buy Closer magazine. You will see Cameron Diaz spotty face, Nicole Kidman's cellulite, etc, etc.

My mother used to say that nobody will like you if you don't smile. Have a day where you smile at strangers...it's a real kick when they smile back...honest!!

OP-do you get any time to yourself?

I need to lose weight & have started going for a walk first thing for about half and hour.

It´s just a little thing but I feeling a bit fitter & therefore a bit more confident.

It "sets me up" for the day a bit as well somehow.

ditto diddl

exercise is a great mood booster.
me time too, even just for a bath.
google hairstyles for lank hair (can you do a ponytail? if so, what about adding a hairpiece?)

my stomach / breasts are awful, look like a deflated balloon but thats life.
i find it difficult sometimes, but went on to meet a new partner in this condition

on go the control pants, the hoik em up bra, the blusher, the eyeliner etc. etc. and stop when i feel half decent.

dont compare yourself to an ex!
ever!

fake a smile

you are an equal, no one is better, no one is worse.

well said motherlove

Is it possible you are in peri-menopause? It can start years before the actual menopause and does a real number on you. Low estrogen can make you break out and make hair thin and reduce collagen production and lower your energy and mood . . . just a thought. Also look into whether you might have body-dysmorphic disorder basically where you think you are hideous though you are in reality FINE. Also third everyone else's comments on exercise it not only vastly improves my mood (hah! says DH . . . ) but gives me a glow that takes years off.