Teenager wants no more contact with dad-my ex.

[beanie35]

I have a dd who is 13yrs. I divorced her father when she was 2yrs, he wasn't a bad person, but we were not right for each other. During the last decade (he moved abroad shortly after the divorce) he has maintained very little contact with dd. He has not supported her finacially at all, and never sent a christmas or birthday card, let alone a gift for her.

I have always tried to remain neutral, I remarried myself but always told my dd that if she wanted to keep in contact with her dad it was fine with me. She emails him regularly, but rarely recieves a reply. When she does it usually states how busy he is with his job and new family. He refuses to give his phone number or address (he is very mean with money and has a phobia of me trying to obtain child support)although he has all my contact details.
Anyway, she has been very down lately, hormones are really kicking in, and she has said that she feels her father is not really bothered about having a relationship with her and she feels very angry about it. I have told her that perhaps she should share this with him, but she is worried about upsetting him. Im not sure what to do, do i get involved and email my ex ?
I know he would love to have the excuse that i prevented my dd from contacting him.

I wouldnt email him, but i would support her decision to not have a relationship with a man who offers her nothing. In fact there isnt a relationship there really is there.
Good on your dd for deciding enoughs enough, you dont want her growing up thinking this is normal because it isnt.

Explain to your dd its not about her, some people are just selfish and not very good parents, its not normal and its ok for her to have some boundarys with people who dont respect her.

Thanks Dignified.
Think you're right. I know he would only use any email from me as an excuse as to why he has been such a crap parent, i.e 'your mum prevented me contacting you'.

She's a bright girl, but until now has been very loyal to someone who really doesn't deserve such a lovely daughter.

Agree with dignified. Sounds like you have been remarkably restrained and grown up about the whoole thing. Well done you. for DD but you (and she) have done as much as you could to try to get the relationship with her dad to work.

Hello

This is such a sorry situation. Fathers do not realise the impact of their behaviour. Children do not forget the times their parents were not there for them and when they are old enough to vote with their feet they do!

It is open to your ex to make an application to the courts for contact and it is also possible for you to seek finanacial assistance not only from the CSA but also the courts.

If you are interested look up the information on diyfamilylaw's website for lots of free advice

Touting for business, diyfamilylaw, are we?

The advice is free............no compulsion to buy anything. Most women do not know there are other options other than the CSA.......but the information is all there!

diyfamilylaw

I would leave it up to your DD to make all the moves and decisions. But if she is looking for permission to tell her father that he is being a dick, then give it to her - she is old enough to let him know how she feels.

Very that he has no interest but in the end it will be his loss.

Beanie, I think it would be good self preservation on the part of your DD to cease contact. It seems to be hurting her deeply. Your ex sounds like a twonk of the highest order - he should have maintained decent contact and contributed financially and he has done neither. It is hard to see what your DD is gaining by emailing her "dad" other than hurt and pain.

My half-sisters DD did just this, beanie and she is perfectly happy now.

But she was older when they separated and she saw her Dad being awful to her Mum. She saw him a few times afterwards but then decided she didn't want to anymore. It was questioned in the courts and her Mum was accused of stopping her DD seeing her Dad but ultimately it was her DD's decision and, sadly, he doesn't even send her cards now.

I would be tempted to tell her to just stop contacting her Dad. Sounds like he wont bother her anymore anyway but at least this way it is her decision which may make her feel in control.

Good Luck

I would use this as a lesson of why its ok to set boundaries when people hurt us , or let us down. Saying that, it sounds like shes doing ok on her own , smart girl !

She will probably feel guilty occasionally , be clear that these were his actions therefore his choices , and the responsibility lies with him.