Hi all,
Two months ago I posted this thread. In a short summary, it was about my DP being a workaholic and breaking the promise he made me about spending more time with me after I left my job and we moved in together.
Back then, there were several MNetters interested in the thread, and with similar stories of their own. I thought I should follow up with some good news, it may give hope to some of you in my same situation.
When my DP came back from his latest work trip, we had a serious talk. There were lots of tears and drama, and it all ended up with him, once again, promising things would change immediately. As a token of his commitment, he decided Mondays would be "our" time together, and he would be home before 6 to spend the evening doing fun things together.
The very first Monday, once again, "something unexpected" happened in the company and he had to stay. He came home... after midnight!
And he came home to find me looking for a flat. I was determined to go, and I was VERY hard on him. I said that I had completely lost my trust in him, that if he was unable to change when I was falling into depression, or when my grandma had died and I needed his support, then he would never change. I was sad and lonely, I missed my friends, and I had an absent partner for whom his job was more important than anything else, and I was not going to settle down to be his second best. As far as I knew, his DW was actually his "Dear Work", and I felt like the mistress, always begging for the crumbs of his time. I was leaving him. And I hoped he and his Dear Work would live happily ever after.
He panicked. I think until then he never really believed he was losing me.
The following days, while I kept on looking for a flat (most places told me I needed a job contract, and I still did not have mine) what I had already stopped waiting for DID happen. This was not a gradual change, but an immediate one. From that day on, he was home before 6 and 6:30. It actually really surprised me, as I had stopped bothering to check the time, and a couple of times he arrived home right when I was going somewhere else on my own, as I was not planning things with him anymore.
I gave him some time, as I did not want to get my hopes high and then have them crash on the floor yet again. However, 2 and a half months later, I have a proper partner again. Starting my own job has made a huge change too, as most of my bitterness and sadness stemmed from staying home all day. I am starting to make my own group of friends here. DP has also agreed to adopt a puppy, which is something I've always wanted. He takes care of her as much as I do, and we take turns to come home at lunch time to feed her and have a play with her. Three months ago I would never have believed he would find time at lunchtime to do anything other than working.
I know it is still early days to claim a victory, but things are definitely going in the right direction now. I am a much happier woman than the one who wrote that OP back in February. As things go, my DP's job is still paying as well as before and they are as happy with him as when he worked all hours in the day. I do believe most workaholics convince themselves they HAVE to work long hours, but in many cases, this belief is not based in a real demand from their employers. Their managers and peers simply get used to the fact that they are the people to always be there and get the work done, and take advantage of that.
I would like to say a big THANK YOU to all MNetters who participated in my previous thread. Your help was exactly what I needed. My DP did read that thread and your answers, and it was the first shock he got (the second and final one being my leaving).
Once again, and knowing it's not "mumsnetty", I would like to send you all a big {{{{{HUG}}}}}.