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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Doesnt it make you sick when eh Ex has so much money to spend

25 replies

maltesers · 01/05/2010 17:01

So annoying and makes me sad to see my Ex have so much Dosh. !! Fast cars, house, ponies, ski trips,
Why is it the minute I leave, he gets Rich ??
Ds showered with all he wants, X BOx, Horse, HD TV . . new everything. And here's me renting with no cash to spare.
Anyone in similar boat ?????

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 01/05/2010 17:11

my sister had a similar situation

remember - living well is the best revenge

it is hard though, especially when you are struggling.

Gay40 · 01/05/2010 17:13

Bitterness will drive you crackers in the end, and he will still have money.

mumblechum · 01/05/2010 17:15

Well, at least he's spending some on DS. It'd be much worse if he was being tight with him.

Original poster

maltesers · 01/05/2010 17:19

yeah true !

OP posts:

FakePlasticTrees · 01/05/2010 17:20

If it makes you feel any better -

my nana's neighbours got divorced, she stayed with the kids in the house next door. He was in my northern Nana's view - "neither use nor ornament" and was considered by all the old dears in the road to be feckless. The divorce was finally all done and dusted on a Thursday, on the following Saturday, he matched 6 numbers on a rollover week. (It might well have been a lot longer than that, but that wouldn't have been such a good bit of gossip)

birdworthington · 01/05/2010 20:17

Think yourself lucky. I have recently been informed by my ex that he has won loads of money and is buying an audi tt with it.

Stuff the fact that he hardly ever pays me anything and when he does it's usually £20. Everything that dd has is because of me.

Makes me sick because he swans around telling everyone what a great dad he is.

mampam · 01/05/2010 21:37

Yep same situation here. For years I supported him/ our family whilst he was training, earning £150 per week, for the very well paid job he's in now. Just as he was about to qualify he runs off with the OW (to whom he's now married) and I get £39 per week for 2 children (somehow think he's swindled that one) whilst watching him swan around in a nice car, holidaying numerous times a year, he has a nice house, nice things....you get the picture.

sincitylover · 01/05/2010 22:14

same here - I'm in rented accomodation and struggling even though I earn a fairly good salary and he has met arich dp.

Like OP he does buy quite alot of extras for ds's which I do really appreciate.

And he does pay maintenance 20% of his net earnings.

I always used to say to him that what he needed was a rich woman and that's exactly what he has got.

I think my dcs can't quite understand the difference between our their two lifestyles. Although the older one realises that it's his new p with the money.

I am not that bitter but do find it ironic!! For the last six to eight months of our marriage he stopped paying the mortgage (he paid mortgage and I paid childcare), buried his head in the sand and in the end I forced the sale of our MH.

It was pointless fighting for it tbh because he wouldn't have paid it. It's as if that had to happen before he sorted himself out financially.

He has done that but let it slip earlier this week that his new p does not know the extent of his financial problems. Felt very because history is repeating itself. It was probably all that secrecy that led in part to the downfall of our marriage. Now he's doing it all again and has two young dcs with new p.

Tryharder · 01/05/2010 22:17

well, presumably it was your choice to leave and since he is generous with your DS, then had you been posting this in AIBU, I would have said YABU!!

I would have felt sympathy for you had you, like others on the thread, been dumped by your XH immediately prior to him becoming rich particularly if you had been supporting him financially and particularly if he was not supporting his children.

If you want money, then earn your own!!!!

Anniegetyourgun · 02/05/2010 08:40

I'm sure we all realise that, Tryharder, but there's nothing wrong with having a moan, is there? Especially in the cases where it wasn't the wife's choice to leave.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2010 08:42

It makes me sick that people are allowed to abandon their families like this and the state/taxpayer is expected to foot the bill.

dizzydixies · 02/05/2010 08:57

am with expat on this one and they should be ashamed frankly

mampam · 02/05/2010 09:11

I totally agree with you expat. My ex and the OW took great pleasure in putting me down in the situation that he had left me in....social housing and on benefits. Quite often saying to me "if you haven't got any money, go and get a job" if I ever asked him for anything.

Of course I was frantically trying to get a job but it's not so easy when you are suddenly left on your own with a just turned 5 year old and an 18month old. I knew I would be better off with a job and it was so frustrating going to interview after interview and being turned down when I so desperately needed it.

It was over a year before I found anything. A year of sheer hell IMO.

My ex has never given extras. When I was on benefits I asked him for £2.50 towards some material for a costume for DS for his nativity play at pre-school.....he said "no I can't afford it!".

Alouiseg · 02/05/2010 09:19

I thought that when you got divorced the finances were decided legally and the ex was obliged to pay a percentage of his salary to support ex w and dc?!

Or am I woefully deluded?

Magaly · 02/05/2010 09:22

i didn't marry my x so when we split I had to just walk away with nothing. (still don't regret that I never married him). He lives in his nice house that he owned that i contributed to (decor, councili tax, groceries etc) for 8 years. He has very expensive cars, boy toys etc.. he pays not a cent of maintenance, and i am too embarrassed to tell you where i live.

Magaly · 02/05/2010 09:26

yes expat, interestingly my x mocks me for being in receipt of one parent family allowance, and he sees no irony there. He sent an arsey letter through his solicitor once which mentioned that the children lived with their mother who was on benefits. This was supposed to attack MY character.

Even his own solicitor must have been thinking 'pompous deluded deadbeat' as he took his money.

Alouiseg · 02/05/2010 09:37

So if you don't marry does that mean the man has no legal or financial obligation to support his children??

TheJollyPirate · 02/05/2010 09:39

Not woefully deluded Alouiseg but some are better at hiding their finances iyswim.

Magaly · 02/05/2010 09:40

yes, there's a lot that can be done to avoid paying maintenance. My x was very mean while i was with him, so i knew how it would all pan out when i left. had no illusions that he'd suddenly be decent and fair after I left.

Alouiseg · 02/05/2010 09:47

Of the divorced couples I know, the wives have actually done quite well out of it and i end up feeling a bit sorry for the husbands.

From what I read on mn the reverse seems to be the case.

The thought of a man not wanting to support his children sickens me.

Quite shocked by what I read tbh

templemaiden · 02/05/2010 10:30

Problem with places like this, and the mens equivalent, is that we always hear the horror stories where one half of the couple is behaving despicably (and the other is a perfect angel of course), and not the stories of couple who have managed to separate quite amicably and all is well.

Magaly · 02/05/2010 10:59

Well it doesn't matter what spin I give it, the bottom line is my x contributes nothing to his children. I know I'm not alone.

Over40 · 02/05/2010 11:38

We had to agree our finances before the divorice was finalised. I had always looked after the cash so I knew exactly what we had... and it was a damn site more than we would have had if he had done it!
I was lucky as my ex has a very "loose" attitude to money (earns over £85k so I guess he could afford it!) and I just "told" him what I wanted. His reply? "OK". At the time I was so fuelled with fury over his behaviour (walked out on me and DD (2yo) for OW) that I didn't feel any sence of victory although the more postings I read here the more I realise how lucky I was.
2/3 of all assets, 20% of net salary till DD is out of uni, I even made him give me figures on his pension and......this was the bit that still makes me smile..... he has to give me a copy of his P60 every year so I can double check his figures!!!
He married the OW so I can imagine the last requirement would be quite irritating to her ...Good!
Me? Living well is the best revenge! I have a new much more fulfilling career, moved to a new area (well away from him) and have a wonderful new circle of friends. I think he was sort of hoping I would turn into a gibbering wreck so it is wonderful to prove him wrong. I don't have much "stuff" like before but anyone who knew me before can see the happier life written all over my face!!

Magaly · 02/05/2010 11:45

wow. you did well over40.. I mean you have a daughter to raise and you didn't sign up to raise a daughter alone. The second wife knows what she's signing up for...

Original poster

maltesers · 05/05/2010 10:43

My Ex has got with a women who has horses... and according to my ds, Daddy buys all the horse feed, new tack the lot... and as he was a complete bastard to me, pushing me around, throwing things at me and cheating on me; I just hope all his present expenses drain him dry, and she realises what a nasty aggressive man he actually is !!!!!!!

OP posts:

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