How much do you have in common with your DP and how does this affect your relationship?

[mistressploppy]

My ex and I had loads in common (music taste etc) and it fizzled out. DH and I are poles apart in many ways and it's just peachy!

But sometimes I think it's a shame that we don't like many of the same bands/films/books

Hi
funnily enough when my DH decided he wasn't happy and left in October one of the biggest things he said was an issue for him was our lack of common interests. It's interesting as for some people its seems to be really important (i guess it gives you more common ground to talk about and more to share) and for others it's not.

It's something I have thought about a lot and I think there are some couples that actively seek out things that they will both enjoy for the reasons above in the hope that that will bring them together.. whereas some are just as happy to celebrate their differences and 'separateness'.Hardly any of my friends have shared interests with their DH's and it's not a problem I never got why it was so important for my DH that I liked the same music/films etc as him (that's what friends are for isn't it ?!) - but on closer refelction in his case I think its more about the child inside him needing me to understand and 'get' him rather than the interests themselves. Anyway - I'll eb interested to see what others say.

I think my DH and I have the same values and thats very important but we have some similar interests and some very different. As time goes by we have begun to maybe enjoy some things together that neither of us would have thought before. I enjoy going to the Theatre, the first time I took DH I was apprehensive what he would think, only last night we went again and he said he really enjoys it when we go.

DH is computer mad, I get by!! He loves fishing!! I don't get that at all, you can't even keep it for dinner!! and he loves films....boring boring boring...I fall asleep through 99% of them!

I love talking (and think the fact I do it through films sometimes must be annoying ), reading, chatrooms, and doing kiddy (messier the better) things with the children, and he doesn't really get them I guess!!

Then together we have caravan holidays, days out when the kids are at school, sitting in the park together just chilling and chatting, so I guess for us it works that we have some in common interests and some not and to me thats a healthy relationship.

My dh & I have quite a lot in common. We were discussing this just the other day & both of us think we probably do a little too much together at the expense of relationships with friends. We have no intention of changing, however, as both of us are happy. Also, we can be very much ourselves with each other & can handle each others' moods. This isn't always the case with friends as these relationships tend to be far more delicate IYKWIM.

I rarely meet a straight man that shares my interests

Not a lot at all that is trivial. I'm also a bit older than he is.

But we share core values. That's what really counts.

Me and DH have very different tastes in pretty much everything! He is very much an IT/technology/science bod whereas I'm an arts/humanities gal. He's a bit of a loner and likes his own space whereas I'm a big people person. We always laugh when we see the adverts for the matchmaking websites because they would never have paired us together in a million years!

Interestingly, his friends are very similar to him and I can't get on with them at all for the most part! I think the thing that makes us work is having the same sense of humour (dark and dry!) and the same approach to relationships. Neither of us is particularly romantic so our attitude to our marriage is quite practical and grounded, which helps us to work out any problems we have. I'm sure that sounds more miserable than it is!

One very stable married couple I know well seem to have almost nothing in common and another pair I know equally well do almost everything together (work and play).

The two couples have 40+ years of married life between them.

I am the same as buttons; i think my DH and i have many interests, some different and some the same, but we have the same view/opinion/outlook on a lot of things. IME it helps if you are on the same wavelength and aspire to the same things.

We have the same values, but we have different opinions on a lot of things and are exact opposite in many things with different interests. However we also have some interests in common and some views in common.
It seems to work.

Same values- some shared interests, others not shared (he just doesn't get catfish).

some shared interests, many not, although we humour each other.

I suppose we are both interested in current affairs, movies, similar music tastes, similar values for relationships and parenting

on the other hand, dh is sports mad likes pubs and golf, likes cars and Greeks-Romans-Egyptians history stuff. he is quite interested in technology and practical, good at fixing/mending/haircuts

I have more eclectic tastes in music/books/theatre. I am more a planning sort and am interested in sciencey things. i am about as sporty as a squashed frog.

So, I don't like golf ior cars, thats why he has friends. I get a lot of my personal satisfaction from my friends too.

It mostly works although we had a really long train journey together last year and after a couple of hours we really had nothing to say to each other

Don't think we have much in common at all.

But we do share core values about our lives and bringing up the children so I don't think it matters that he is a sports freak and I would happily spend my days reading science books!!

We have lots of shared interests as well as some that are not. We have broadly similar tastes in music and films, though we each have certain musical/cinematic tastes that are way out of kilter with the other. We definitely share values about our children and the way we brought them up. We both enjoy the same type of holidays,we share a rather odd ( at times) sense of humour. OTOH, I am a real book lover, he follows sports. I am a gadget and computer nut, he hates technology - or rather, technology seems to hate him!

It may not suit everyone, but it has worked for us for nearly 30 years now, so somewhere, we are getting it right.

In some ways we are similar and in some ways we are poles apart, as long as you accept and respect each other's differences, that's all that really matters.
I do agree about core values though, if you have a vastly different outlook on life I imagine it can be tough.
We have a lot of shared interests but many we don't share either, I'm very into crime / pathology / criminal psychology and I love horror films, he isn't into any of that stuff. We don't read the same books, he's a huge Pratchett fan and into military stuff, my favourite author is Matheww Reilly or Clive Cussler and I love medical history/science.

We both share of love of Sci-fi and gaming.

Whatever works, basically.

A fellow Stargate nut Reality?
Do you play Stargate "resistance"?

God I love Stargate ( SG1 primarily) , although I don't really like the new "Universe" , bring back Jack, Sam, Daniel and Tea'lc!!!!!
It's my favourite Sci-fi, ever.

I'm loving Warehouse 13 atm, DH doesn't "get" it I'm afraid, I'm very excited by historical "tech" , I think I'm a secret Steampunker .

"That's O'Neill - Two LL's"

Oh God, I'll be doing Stargate quotes all day now!

I must know every episode off by heart.

I have Michael Shanks' autograph on a ltd edition box with a stargate patch, pen and radio from a sci-fi convention a couple of years ago. He's rather yummy in the flesh. (Is it getting hot in here?)

I realise I have now outed myself as a major Sci-fi geek.

We have a very very similar sense of humour which I think really gels us. Kind of emphaises the specialness.

Similar values although not 100%

There are lots of things we don't have in common which I wondered about when we first got together but I've come to realise that, for me anyway, the important thing is that you like or respect the ways in which you are different. For example, DP finds my sensible geekiness endearing and I find his scattiness funny (sometimes!). Similarly, he doesn't 'look down on me' for my uncool taste in music and I love him for his odd dress sense, iyswim.

Hubby and I are poles apart in everything...interests...outlook on life...values...it does cause a lot of tension and sometimes i think it would be nice to be with someone similar to myself.
All the dating agencies online seem to match you up on interests and so forth, so there must be something in it??