4 year affair, exH just told kids, they are fine with it???

[whitetulips]

We were living abroad, poor asian country, and we had drifted apart anyway, I confronted H about lack of effort, he said everything was fine. I now know that is around the time he met OW (an asian, who was then 22 to his 40).
Returned to UK, all of us, he then worked abroad for 2 years in a different country. (oh yes, he gave me an STI on an infrequent trip back here).
I now know he sponsored her to go and live with him.
He returned to UK, unemployed, I supported him for 6 months.
He got a job, and we agreed to separate as we had 'drifted apart'.
While house was on market, I discovered the affair, and the length of time, and that it was ongoing.
Sold house, I started divorce proceedings on grounds of adultery, he has signed legal confession, but still won't tell me face to face.
He has just told dc about her, she is coming for a month visit soon, and they are fine with that, as are his family apparently.
I am so bloody angry that I have had to deal with all of this, whilst being portrayed as the evil cow who wanted his money, and everyone around him thinks his having a 4 year girlfriend is fine!
Please come and talk sense to me that one day the children will realise this is not the way to live your life!!

we have actually only been separated for 6 weeks by the way!

how old are the children? Some parents just dont see that their children, grown up or not, can do no wrong.

so sorry that you are going through this.

Perhaps they are scared to lose him and by agreeing everything is fine, they can pretend it is? Maybe the reality of meeting her will knock some sense into them?

Sorry to hear this, chin up and a hug to you.

The beautiful thing about children is that they grow up into free-thinking adults. Yours will too and they'll see their Dad for what he is and for what he did.

Time deals with it in the end.

Thanks, they are 15 and 12,and I do hope they will see that despite their Father's efforts,I am not the bad one in all this.
I was dealing with everything so well, I thought, got my house, bought and used tools to build stuff, kept routine going, and we all seemed happy.
But this has really knocked the stuffing out of me. How dare everyone accept this girl so readily? We are still actually married, unfortunately, and have been for 17 years.
I have no problem with us drifting apart, and was happy with that as a reason for the split, but I honestly think he should take some of the blame.
At what point was he going to take some responsibility and end things with me? I can't believe he would allow things to continue for so long, while promising this girl a new life in the UK, and not have the balls to initiate a split with me.
And now he has told the dc that the reason he did not leave was because although he hated me, he didn't want to leave them.
I am sorry, but this is bullshit.

Keep quiet and maintain your dignity. Don't take any sides to your kids, just be supportive to them, and as upbeat and happy as you can. You have already shown your caring side and you sound like a trooper. Move your own life on. One positive from this - they will accept your next partner too!

Hmmm....22 year old poor Asian girl goes for middle aged, saggy bottomed ex-pat, it must be his charm and good looks she's after - couldn't possibly be his passport application or wallet could it....!

Sit tight, I have a feeling it will all end incredibly sadly for him...there's no fool like and old fool.

Thanks for the supportive post.
My ds has spoken to me today about it, and I have just maintained that what has upset me is being allowed to take all the blame for our split by ex h, and his lack of courage in ending the marriage a while ago, rather than waiting for me to find it intolerable.
I have always said that while the truth may be bad, lying is always worse, and I think my ds can see that.
As for the passport and wallet, that is exactly what I think too! Sad old men and young asian brides, it is such a cliche! To think I used to think he was intelligent and interesting

and this is the same girl that gave him an STI?

She sounds totally classy...

Hope life pans ok for u, u sound a knockout kind of gal xx

Have just found out he has gone to get her!
Thought it was funny he didn't ask to see the dc this weekend, well that explains it. She has a month long visitor visa apparently.
We have been separated (because I left) for 7 weeks only.

I have told his Mum everything. Don't know what I expected to achieve, but I feel a lot better after getting my side of the story across.
She didn't know about him living with her and the STI, so she does now!
He has admitted to her that he has committed adultery, which is more than he has admitted to me, and she told me that she thinks adultery is disgusting.
So, I will take that as a small victory!
It was civil between us and quite long, now I feel like I can let go and get on with my life.... well til he expects the children to love the OW on sight next week!