Urgent advice needed on teenage pregnancy

[FromGirders]

Just had my db on the phone. His stepson, who is sixteen and his girlfriend, thankfully also sixteen, are pregnant. (Going to call them Ross and Rachel for want of better names). Db and Sil are as you would expect - shocked, slightly terrified, and not quite sure how they should be feeling.
The teenagers seem fairly set on continuing with the pregnancy - girlfriend's mum is supportive - so it looks like there will be a new addition to the family in eight months or so. However, Ross may be being slightly unrealistic in his expectations of how this will affect him. They are both still at school, about to sit Highers (we're all in Scotland). He thinks he will still be able to go to college etc.
Does anyone have any experience of how this has actually affected their family? Does he have to go out and get a job to help support his new family? (Db and Sil think this is his responsibility and what he should do). Obviously a lot will depend on how much Rachel's mum is prepared to help out but she has a career of her own - no idea what her thoughts are regarding future childcare - it's very early days yet not much has been discussed.
Can anyone tell me / us how much of Ross's future income he should expect to put towards his family if they don't stay together? It would be nice if they did, and all lived happily ever after of course . . . and maybe they will.
Will be sending a link to this to DB and Sil, so all responses will be much appreciated.

Tricky one to say the least!!! In the long run it would be much better if they could both stay in education - what sort of job is a 17 year old going to be able to get? Certainly not one which will support a child.

Its very early days, I would think much too early to be deciding how much of Ross's future income he should put towards childcare if they don't stay together!!

To be honest, the best thing he can do long term is to continue in education, it will give him better prospects in the future, and a higher chance of a good salary. Which in turn will benefit his girlfriend and their baby. It is possible to be a student parent, so she should not either dismiss further education as a possibility.

Good Luck to them.

He (and preferably she) should definitely stay in education if at all possible. He'd be lucky to get a minimum wage job now, far better to get a proper degree or vocational training behind him so that he can earn decent money in the future.

If they split up he has to pay 15% of his net salary by way of child maintenance

Maybe I could have put that better. But does anyone have an idea of what kind of help / benefits they will be able to access at such a young age? I was trying to look at the positive angles for db - babies don't have to cost that much, they'll be able to get help with childcare costs in the future so that they can go to college - even if that's a couple of years down the line.
But i have no experience of this, and may be talking out of my backside!

Agree, it would be far better for all concerned if Ross could stay in education, bettering his long term prospects (assuming his is capable/wants to go into FE)

Having said that, by Rachel staying onto FE, she is also bettering her prospects, but whether she wants to/is able to is another matter. I know its the age of equailty, but I couldnt have left ds at 6 weeks old or even 6 months. I'm going back to work in 2 weeks, he will be 3 and its stressing me.

It depends on how supportive the families are, and I guess without being too crude, what their financial situation is. Can they afford between the 2 families to pay for f/t nursery for baby? Or as a "single parent" would she get a good chunk of it paid if she continued her studies?

Is there any organisation that could advise her of what help she would be entitled to? I know a lot of colleges/uni's have bursaries, and offer on site child care.

Very tricky,.

Ta mumblechum, that's the kind of hard figure db was looking for.

Being a young parent wont ruin Ross or Rachel's life but jacking in their education will definitiely muck it up. Perhaps they can work out a way of taking turns. E.g. Rachel takes a break from school for a year or so of maternity leave while Ross does his highers. Rachel then goes to back to college while Ross picks up more of the daytime childcare now that he has finished school.

A friend of mine had the same happen to her daughter, very bright girl, pregnant at 17 gave birth just after A levels aged 18. She and baby's father applied to same uni and got a flat provided, but unfortunately split up and "Emma" had to cope with uni and her baby son on her own, but she managed spendidly, stayed good friends with baby's father and is close to his parents. The little boy is now 9 and "Emma" is a teacher and head of department in another european country. The litle boy is delightful and a very happy child. Not what anyone would have planned, but worked out really well for all of them in the end. No reason at all for the baby's father to give up his education, they will probably get a lot more help if he sticks with it.

this happened to a friend of mine who's daughter was only 15 at the time, parents didnt find out until the pregnancy was well advanced. Mum has taken the lead in bringing up the baby - daughter is back in school trying to finish her education. It has been hard on friend as her youngest was just in junior school and she had just started to get some time for herself - she has 4 kids at home already, but she has gritted her teeth and just got on with looking after this new addition to their family. A few months on both mum, grandma and baby are thriving

If they have extended family can they stay and finish their education? BTW Maintenance is 15% of income for a non resident parent. If he doesnt have an income then he wont contribute much.

What is 'Rachel' planning?

I would be worried for her if they split up. Your step-nephew would (I guess) have carried on with college, but if she drops out, she will struggle. Realistically, they may well not stay together, so it is very important that she not end up staying home with the baby and doing nothing else - if that's at all possible.

Can they do home-learning courses? My friend was pregnant/had a small baby during sixth form and she was allowed to bring the baby into class, for example. If there's a sixth form college that will let them do that, it could work for them to stay in education - even one or two further qualifications would be better than a gap on the CV, I think.

Ta! good to hear some positive stories.
Ross doesn't have a brilliant academic record, and in the past has been rather laid-back about exams, career choices etc. I think db and sil have been trying to make him think about his new responsibilities, hence the support questions.
Hopefully though, this will give him a bit of focus in life, and he'll have a reason to make the most of his opportunities .

I was 16 when I got pregnant, 17 when I had DD and I got income support which paid for childcare while I finished my a levels and then did an HND.
Thankfully my parents were brilliant and supported me both emotionally and by letting us stay at home and providing for us in every other way. We very much relied on second hand clothes etc.
DDs father has paid £25 per month since she was born and not a penny more (she's almost 13 now)
I think things would have been hard if my mum had looked after DD for me while I was at school because I think the parental lines would have become blurred, but she worked part time so that was never an option anyway.
It is hard, makes you grow up very fast, but I have never ever, not even for a moment, regretted going ahead with my pregnancy and my DD and I have a fantastic, close relationship (as do DD2 and I, who was born almost 6 years later)

Ta for all replies. They've now settled on a plan - Rachel to have baby and keep studying if she can. Ross to get an apprenticeship or some kind of employment - I'm not sure what his further education plans, if any, had been prior to this. then in a year or two it would be Ross's turn to study if he wished. They're both going to live with Rachel 's mum for the foreseeable future, tho I'm not sure when they'll do that.
To me at least, it sounds fairly sensible (not that what I think is relevant).

Absolutely essential for the young mum to keep studying. She should be pulling out all the stops to make this happen, no "keep on studying if she can" attitude. Fitting the baby into the educational plans is the way to go, not the other way round.

The dad to be sounds like quite a catch Sorry if you're fond of him , OP, but if I were this young woman I would be anticipating a future where I was going to be the sole provider for this baby.

Sounds like a reasonable plan, assuming of course that he can get an apprecticeship, meaning that he can continue studying at the same time.

A job at his age without the training isnt likely to amount to much unfortunately.

there is loads of support out there for them both to stay in education if thats what they want. As for benifits, because they are both under 18, her parents will have to apply on her behalf.
I run a teenage parents group weekly, and love it. If there is something nearby for her like that they will have all the info she could need.

Lisa, will suggest that to db. Tbh, I suspect Rachel's mum will keep her right.
Matha - I don't really know him well, and have never met Rachel. Posting on here for ideas and info for my bro.

I work in an FE College. Through our Learner Support Fund students with children can get up to 90% of their childcare paid whilst they are studying, nursery is term time so they don't have to fund childcare in academic holidays themselves either(This is in England, i'm not sure what happens in Scotland).

Maybe Rachel could take a year out as 'maternity leave' and decide what she wants to do and investigate what support is available to her, the receptionist at her local College should direct her to the correct person. It will be hard work and I'm sure Ross will support her but realistically she needs to have her own skills and education to fall back on

Oh bugger. This will be hard for them all.

I would day that Ross should stay in FT education as much as he can, and Rachel should have the baby and go back to college as soon as she can as well. Have as little time off as she can.

I had dd when I was 17 so it is not the end of the world (thouigh everyone thinks it is at the time). I was in a situation where I had no family support however, and dd's father buggered off a couple of months after she was born, so I either had the choice to work and study at the same time, or go on income support. I already felt like the scum of the earth, so back to work I went when dd was 3 months. Work was shop floor in a factory.

I then did A levels as a distance learning course (waste of time, should have gone straight to a degree with the OU). I then started a degree with OU. In the end I qualified in engineering, then got a job which paid for me to carry on studying for an MEng whilst working in the particular branch of engineering that I wanted to pursue.

It took bloody ages, I was finally qualified at 27, however I worked all the way through and paid my own way. Thank god I was young - all that youthful energy made it possible to raise a child on my own, work full time abd study.

I know it is perhaps not ideal to be out of the hoiuse FT when you have a young baby, however teenage pregnancy is not ideal either, and you have to make sacrifices frankly. If you want to be a SAHM you need the financial back up which these young teens do not have. It WILL be hard work, but there you go. That's life.

There was zero support re childcare when I was younger (dd is 14), so most of my money went on childminder etc. Hopefully Rachel will be able to go to a college with a creche, and hopefully there are agencies which can help with this planning.

Good luck to them.

My cousin's daughter had her son at 16. My cousin helped out a lot with childcare so not only was she able stay on at school, but continued to do A-levels and had a part-ime job at the same time.

5 years later, she is no longer with her son's father but they maintain a friendly relationship and he sees his son regularly. She has a good job, her own car and rents her own home and they are all pretty happy.

Obviously it's not the ideal situation, but with the right attitude and support there is no reason this needs to be a disaster for anyone involved. Best of luck to them.