I hate DP

[messybedhead]

I hate him.

We've been together 7 years and have 2DC.

He's lazy, leaves stuff everywhere and expects me to pick up after him.

He's useless with money and spends everything within a week of getting paid. It now looks like we've lost our summer holiday as he hasn't got any money to pay for it.

We have separate incomes and I cover all bills inc. rent and council tax except for his phone bill and the tv package. But apparently I should wait on him hand and foot because he goes to work! Yes he goes to work but he never has any money!!!

Also I don't fancy him really any more physically. If I try to sit near him to cuddle him he tells me he's hot and to sit on the other settee. There is no affection whatsoever and then maybe once every 6 weeks he attempts to "get intimate" and it makes me feel so used. I've now told him not to bother because when I want affection he doesn't want to know.

Oh and he talks to me really horribly and sometimes its in front of my friends. If I go out on my own he rings every 5 minutes with abuse.

But he's not always like this especially in front of the neighbours. He tells me I'm mental and the neighbours must hear me shouting and they must think I'm mental too because they think he's wonderful.

I'm not perfect and I do have a very short fuse but lately I've noticed that he is the one to get angry first which I then rise to. He then tells me all I do is shout but now when he starts I say to him in a calm voice that he needs to calm down and get help for his anger- this seems to wind him up even more.

I ask him to leave but he wont and he just tries to turn our DD against me saying mummy's horrible she wants daddy to leave. So she ends up telling me she hates me so I have to let him in.

I don't really know why I'm posting there is only one thing I should do.. but sometimes I think maybe it is all my fault and that I'm the one who needs to change. I do get angry and have been known to throw things at him but I'm so fed up with the situation and I think that I'm young enough to change my life instead of having to put up with him.

I don't know.

You are both as bad as each other.

No relationship should be like this.

Grow up and spilt.

time to move on i think!!

Awful of him to involve your children - that is very unfair. You need to get out of the relationship asap...life is too short.

I try but he makes out that there's something wrong with me for not being happy. It's really easy to say grow up and leave and I wish it were that simple.

But he doesn't want to go and the DC don't want him to go. Tenancy is in my name I've tried throwing his stuff out before but he always ends up back here.

how does he end up 'back here'?

get your children out for a seelpover - maybe you have a friend y6ou could confide in, who could help you by doing this?

Change the locks/fit bolts in the morning while he's at work

Put his clothes out in the afternoon

If tries to gain entry by forcing the doors, or climbing through windows, you call the police and have him removed from the scene.

And you do it every time he attempts to reenter the house.

Have an epiphany. I had one when I came in one afternoon to find my ex illegally downloading things with the internet I had to pay for with no help from him, having let himself in with a key he shouldnt' have had ...

As I said "You don't LIVE here any more!" I realised it myself, for the first time.

tell him he doesn't live with you any more.

Ds1 didn't want his dad to leave but believe me, his life is more stable and happier than if his dad had stayed.

You need to ditch your abusive partner as soon as possible. You do not want your daughter learning such damaging lessons regarding relationships because that is what is happening here currently. The emotional harm being done to you is really bad and will take some considerable time to recover from, the effects of all this on your daughter is incaluable.

Someone is going to have to be the grown up (you because it will not be him) and end this abusive relationship.

Using your child to get back at you is awful on his part, he is using your daughter to do this and he is being manipulative. He cares not a jot for either of you really, only his own needs. He only sees you as his domestic servant and likely his own Dad treated his Mother (who probably also put up with it) in such a manner.

Oh so he doesn't want to go eh?. What a surprise. Tough, he should have stepped up to the mark as a father to the child and a partner to you.

Stop letting him back into the house, the tenancy is in your name after all. Grow a pair!!.

He'll find somewhere to doss down on. You are not responsible for him.

There isn't anything wrong with you for not being happy but there is if you do nothing to change it.

Stop involving the kids.

tell him to go live with the nieghbours.

this is going nowhere - get him out, arrange his visits with the children and start to live your life

Well, as you say, he kicks off even if you speak in a calm way. So it's not you. Your anger is most likely born of frustration - when somebody's telling you "black is white & you're shite" ... it does tend to provoke the occasional outburst.

OK, so inform DD that Daddy's always rude to you and it's never okay to be treat someone like that. Is she rude to you, as well? Time you demonstrated some healthy values to your children.

Change the locks. Pack him a bag. Leave it in the front yard. Post back
Good luck!

it doesn't sound like the OP is involving the kids, more that her idiot of an abusive DP is doing so

Tell him to leave, and if he refuses, call the police

and then do not let him back in

You should be very glad his name is not on the tenancy (thank the angel on your shoulder that prevented you from ever doing that...) because it makes this much easier

he is a user, a tosser and he is abusing his children

get rid of him

get some legal advice and support; he cannot force you to keep paying his way and providing a roof over his sorry head. he sounds like a poor excuse for a partner. and by using your dc against you, a poor excuse for a parent too.
if your dc questions your actions don't apportion blame at his door, just explain that when a couple stop being a couple they stop living together.
he sounds bloody awful and i suspect your life will so much better without him