Does anyone know about horrible physical symptoms following split? I am looking for some advise.

[wheresmypaddle]

DP (I guess EXDP) left on Sunday. We have a DS (just turned 3).

This was preceeded by me trying to make changes to our less than perfect relationship which he feels are unfair of me. TBH I am now totally confused as to whether I was in the right and whether I would prefer him to come back despite the flaws- but he doesn't seem to want to talk anymore- thats a for a different thread I guess.

I am managing OK but I feel terrible. I have to be OK for DS and I also work part time- I am at my desk and really struggling.

Obviously I am tearful, but I can keep a lid on that most of the time. Its the anxiety type feelings that I have that are so hard to deal with. I kind of feel nervous all the time: like I would feel before making a big speech, going on a huge holiday, doing something very nervewracking or exciting.

I have horrible 'butterflies in my stomach, dry mouth, restless, sweaty and a bit shakey. My appetite has gone completely, its as like I could live on fresh air (but I have made myself eat).

It was worse in the mornings- from about 5.30am. However today its still here and its really really horrible. I think its worse when I know DP will be coming over (he is coming tonight to collect some stuff) or calling me. The thing is I plan to make sure I am out so I won't actually see him but am still feeling so anxious.

I am not usually an anxious person. I am very upset but my mind feels kind of calm- but still I can't control these feelings.

Maybe I should see GP but I feel she will suggest antidepressants- I have tried these before andy they made me feel worse and so anxious I could barely function.

Please can anyone tell me if this is normal and if there is anything they could suggest to help?

Hi Click. As I said on a earlier post I asked my GP about prescribing me some beta blockers. She actually thought it was a good idea. These have really really helped with the adrenaline type symptoms- my shaking, clammy hands, horrible stomach pains, dry mouth etc have mostly gone.

I have found that now the physical symptoms are better it is easier to feel calm and deal with 'stuff'.

I am sure medication is not the answer, and I think in reality these symptoms are our bodies' way of reacting to the shock of something big happening in our lives.

As for other things that have helped- I have to admit I am not too great on that one as yet as am still struggling to accept the situation and not to hope EXDP will come home. However some things that help on a good day are: keeping busy (having a plan for the day helps), reading threads on MN about people who can see the positive sides of lone parenting (see lone parents threads), being kind to myself, getting some counselling.

I am still struggling with the isolation and realisation that I am on my own with DS- I wish I had more people in RL to turn to. But am thinking of ways I can increase my RL support (without scaring people away by my needyness- yuck). I am going to brave my local Sure Start, you could try Gingerbread too (there's not one in my area).

Good luck- I am thinking of you.....

I hope you are getting better now wheres. I've just split up and Im getting the sick feeling in my stomach all day, not going out crying in public, forcing myself to eat .

I really hopes this goes soon.

Exercise!!! find the time and space to go running in the park, maybe with a friend. It did wonders for me, and i'm sure it helped avoid antidepressants. I too had all those physical symptoms, i recognize them all. I started running as a way to get all those feelings out. It really works, I promise. XXX

I understand exactly how you feel. i just discovered my H was having an affair last week (posted last week) and I have the same - early waking, shaking and gut-wrenching pain. Everyone told me it was normal and it will pass (it hasn't yet) but I spent a fortune on clothes at the weekend (his money, ha) and that made me feel better.
Plus not eating may finally get rid of my muffin top.

Sorry I can't actually help, but wanted to tell you that it seems the physical signs are normal, and it will pass. You're grieving and the world as you knew it just ended.

hey, thanks everyone,

Well i cant remember if i said but it is a trial split, but he came today and got most of his stuff and said will get rest tomorrow, and he was not wearing his wedding ring.

In the last three days seen kids for about 30 mins and only taking them for 3 hours tomorrow, my poor boy is so confused and upset it is horrible just trying to do what i can to help him, keeping them busy and stuff. Would you all think the fact that he pick up most of his stuff he is planning on not coming back im so confused.

my sickness is going away, well it been a better day today im hoping that my body is gettin used to it and settling down. not used any medicine want the syptoms to run their course.

But the problem i have now, is that im worried that i will feel better and then he will tell me its over for good and i will feel like this all over again and have to go through it all again.

the worse thing is, i dont know if just to start living as a single person and sorting out my money and stuff, i feel like he is waiting on me to say it over so he doesnt look like the bad guy.

Sorry for going on, its just nice to talk to people that are going through the same thing.

thanks for listening

you where me 8 weeks ago

DP left me and dd 4 and ds 1.

I felt so Ill i thought i was going to die

I went to the gps, as I could not function at all.

I went straight onto an antidepressent which I took at night caled trazadone, which has a sedating effect to helped me sleep, although the early mornings wakings where hard. She also gave me buscopan which I took 2 tablets every 4 hours. I did not eat for a week so I got some nutritional milk shakes from the chemist.

I felt better within a bout 3 weeks
Me and DP are now through the help of relate, building our relationship back together, although there was ALOT of anger and crying in the first few weeks, but not in front of the children.

We both realised that their was flaws in our relationship, and are working together to resolve these issues.

Not sure if this will be the case, for you, but I cannot recommend RELATE highly enough.

They are fantastic, and my DP was very sceptical, but even he loves going now.

Although you will have lots of advice on here, which is meaningful, when I had a similar thread, people said a lot of negative things about my dp which tbh hurt me

Only YOU can decide what to do.

ASK FOR HELP FROM YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Good luck xxxxxx

click - my nausea lasted about two weeks but the palpatations, shaking etc lasted for a month or so, and I had beta blockers.

my sleep was very disturbed until about 3 months down the line and in that time I lost 2stone.

I am now 7 months on and am gaining weight albeit slowly, my sleep is good too.

I still have wobbles, mostly when things happen, such as finding out he had introduced OW to his parents or when I found out where he was going on holiday with her.

Sorry to be all negative but it does take such a long time and I would say I am only 50% of the 'real' me.

Good luck to you and OP

How are you doing?

Hi Lucy. I'm Ok- thank you for asking. The beta blockers have really helped with the physical symptoms. I am struggling to accept my relationship is over- I keep thinking it we might sort things out which makes me all hopeful. Its stupid though- I need to spend my energy accepting thats unlikely to happen and moving on (any tips anyone?).

How are you doing?

BTW I have found quite a few positive inspirational threads on MN recently which have really helped.

Hey,

I have been doing the same thinking we will get back together, but we will not.

so i have put my energy into thinking of the future and i started looking into decorating my house, changing it all so it all different for the kids and for me.

Just trying to stay busy and not thinking to hard about it all. No matter how hard it is, there as to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Glad you are feeling better wheres. Is your ex giving you hope that you will get back together, or is it just that you have got back together in the past?

My ex is going not telling me his new address - which really sums up our relationship.

I can't eat or go out at the moment, I really hope I feel better soon. But I do need to lose a few pounds so I'm seeing it as a blessing in disguise

Hey beingsetup.

No my husband was not giving me any hope, just today actually we have ended the marriage.

Im heartbroken, struggling to breath in shock. But we both agree that it probably for the best.

I know that im going to struggle for a few months, but it will get easier and hopefully i will be happier.

What im doing is making sure that im feeling all the pain and crying whenever i need to, and just wait for my body and mind to recover.

Im not eating much that the moment either, i have went for a size 14 to 10 so needed to try and get eating better again, but going to increase the amount slowly.

take care and it will get better.

all the best click xxxxxx and sorry it ended I know it's not what you want.

I hope it gets easier for you xxxx

Thanks,

yeah i hope it does too.

Hope thing work out for the best for you and things get easier for you too.

take care

xx