I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut and need something big to change to make things right again, but I dont know what!
The main reason I feel fed up is because I want another child and DH does not. We had this discussion when DC2 was born 2 yrs ago and DH said then that he didnt want anymore, mainly for money reasons and that he was planning on getting the snip. I said then that I would prefer him to wait if he thought there was any chance he would change his mind and to think really carefully about it. We left it at that. He never got any further than asking the DR for info on the snip and then left it there. He also changed jobs last year and we are better off financially now SO..
a couple of weeks ago we had another big chat where I proposed that we think about it again as we are better off money wise now and perhaps he was having second thoughts anyway seeing as he hadnt gone any further with the snip.
He was basically horrified and said he hadnt got the snip appt yet just through pure laziness/not getting around to it and also that financial reasons for not having another child was pretty much just an excuse too and he doesnt want the extra work/hassle/upheaval of another DC whatever happens.
I am gutted. Since then I've been furious and snappy pretty much all the time, he cant do anything right at the moment. Things that dont normally bother me much are making me now.
I know its me thats making me feel this way, not him as really nothing has changed from his point of view, it was just me getting my hopes up unrealistically.
I feel utterly fed up and stuck in a rut.
We are lucky that DH has a good job and can afford for me not to work, BUT I'd quite like to work part time...
Problem is..I cant afford to work as theres no job I could do that would pay 2 DCs childcare fees. As much as I'd like to go back to work (at least part time) it seems ridiculous to pay for the priveledge.
On the other hand, even though DH can support me staying at home, we dont have enough money to support me to study to become better qualified to get a better paid job.
I feel like I have no options but to carry on as I am stuck at home with DS1 starting school soon and DS1 starting pre school and me on my own at home with a glaring gap where I would have hoped to have a third child.
I know I am lucky to have my 2 DCs and I love them to bits and enjoy my time with them loads.
I just feel like I need something to focus on, to distract me from wanting another child and to make me feel a bit more optimistic about the future, to help me happy again...
I just dont knwo what!
Any ideas? The only thing I thought of is to move nearer my family. I dont think its possible though as DS1 just got into lovely local school here, plus he is being assessed for AS and we are so far through thr process we are almost at a diagnosis, plus he is getting good help with speech therapy etc I couldnt risk messing that up.
I am just in a muddle in my head (you can probably tell from waffly post!) and not sure how to move on from being so fed up and sad.