This is likely to be long, so, apologies in advance.
My grandparents divorced when my late dad and his two siblings were very young.
My grandfather got another young woman in the same community pregnant, and(apparently) despite my grandmother's pleas for him to stay and for her to bring up the baby with the others, left and went on to have more children with the other woman, eventually marrying her when he was able to divorce my grandmother.
This all happened in the 1950s onwards, and it definitely scarred my father emotionally, and his two siblings, one of whom is still alive.
The grandfather moved to the States, my father never knew him while growing up, and he left my grandmother destitute and bringing up three young children.
Fast forward to a few years ago, when my uncle received a letter from one of the American siblings saying she'd been trying to trace the half-brothers and sisters (the letter came from an intermediary asking if my uncle would like to respond).
He wants nothing to do with them, but sent it on to me, and me and my sister have been in email contact.
It turns out some of my grandfather's nieces and great-nieces live quite close to us (this is important to my dilemma).
Now, three of the Americans are visiting soon and have asked to meet us. Although it came as a bit of a shock at the time, me and my sis have kept in touch by email. And my ds has also been to meet the two nieces, who are around the same age as my dad would've been.
I've chosen not to contact the nieces - I don't need to know any more about my gf, who tbh sounds like a complete b, my life is very full and I hardly have time to see the relatives I've grown up with, let alone make contact with distantly-related people who live quite close to us.
Plus, when the Americans first traced us and found out our names, one of the nieces phoned my mum and extracted mine and my ds's phone numbers - I felt my privacy was being infringed a bit at a time when we were still trying to take it all in.
So, very soon, we are to meet the American visitors when they come here. They'll be staying with one of the nieces.
I suggested we meet at a nearby pub, and then the American half-aunt who's had the most contact emailed to say she'd be asking the niece she's staying with along.
I was ok-ish about this and asked her to confirm numbers so I could book a table - at the time I wasn't sure how many were coming from the States.
When the email came back, it was obvious she'd be bringing the two nieces and someone else (presumably part of the family who live near us too).
I thought this was a bit much, and have emailed her politely just to request we meet the family from America, as they are half-aunts and uncles, and not the more distant relatives who happen to live nearby.
A couple of questions - does this sound reasonable? In my heart I am still bitter about what my gf did to my lovely grandmother, my dad and his siblings - but obv this is in no way the fault of the children he then went on to have and I'm happy to meet them.
But I really, really don't want to strike up a relationship with other strangers who live a bit too close for comfort...and I certainly don't want the bitterness I feel towards my gf to come out in the meeting with the half-aunts and uncles.
The half-aunt, while clearly from the emails and conversations we've exchanges, seems very pleasant, also seems insensitive. I think she thinks me and ds would be delighted to learn more about our late gf, when in fact it has solved a mystery for me, but I think in fact I would've disliked him immensely. While I'm sure the local relatives are very pleasant, I have no desire at all to get to know them.
Any advice/thoughts - especially from anyone else with a similar experience.
tia if you've read this far!