Getting an Injunction against partner

[MarthaQuest]

Hi,

I'm an occasional poster, regular lurker, I used to post as JoeyBettany but have recently changed.

I have 2 DCs, 8 year old ds from previous relationship and 15 month dd from current partner. The problems are as follows:

Partner- will get very verbally abusive towards me at the drop of the hat. Often this is in the middle of the night-if i don't wake quickly enough to attend to dd. Last week, for example, I was called a fucking dickhead. He will apologise with a cup of tea in the morning but upon probing, it isn't genuin-he doesn;t actually think he has a problem with his behaviour.

Partner is very cold towards ds. Will blame him for everything, rarely says anything nice to him but constantly moans about minor things.

This morning, however, things escalated. I was upstairs in bed poorly, he had to look after both dcs. All I could hear upstairs was him shouting and moaning at ds, and I came downstairs to find that he had pushed ds in temper whilst shouting at him loudly. Poor ds was actually trembling

I hate him now and want him gone. I have asked him to leave previously as well as talking to him and trying to get him to change but he refuses . He says that as it is a joint tenancy (privately rented) he will NEVER go and I will have to.

After this morning's incident I have contacted Women's Aid, who are going to get back to me and also the local police station, who are also going to come and have a chat later.

I think I'm going to try and get an injunction against him-as I can't afford to leave (No money whatsoever am SAHM)

, am really quite scared of him and I don't see why I should have to disrupt 2 dcs lives any more when he is the one completely in the wrong.

Thanks for listening if you've got this far. What I really want to know is, is an injunction a realistic expectation when he hasn't been THAT violent-just verbally abusive and intimidating to an 8 year old.

I'm not the expert, but well done for taking this first step.
IME, the police are probably your best guide with this.
If you say you don't want him back in the house, because he has been violent to you or the DC, they can help you. just be very honest with them. I don't think you have to go down a legal route straight off.
Someone else will be along with some better advice!
good luck

is hard to get an injunction unless specific evidence of severe violent behaviour. have you a log of other cindents? dates/times/what was said?

is ds good witness? would he tell police what happened? can he tell teachers at school so you have another "witness".

speak to women's aid and police - one option might be that you let him know that after what happened your ds is scared and your P cannot come back to house today. lock doors and windows. then be prepared for him to be outside door and get abusve /violent - at that point you call police and "catch him in the act"

if he is at all sorri he will accept this - if he doesnt then he may show his true colours...

You are incredibly brave and strong and I really admire you.

When I had difficulties with ex I made a report to police and they told me that with that it would be quite straightforward to get an injunction, would be the next step if I wanted to take it.

Definitely need to make a statement to the police, our local police station has a DV unit and know the law re this inside out. Can you check if your police station also has this?

thankyou so much for your comments.

I've just warned him that I'll be speaking to the police and I have spoken to his teachers in a last ditch attempt to make him realise he needs to get help for his anger problems.

He just flipped, ranting blaming ds for ruining our relationship, saying he's a trouble maker. he just threatened to involve a 'gangster'pal of his, which I feel a bit about.

I would also say talk to the police, they will take a report and as there are children in the house, will take it seriously.

Don't worry about the violence being 'violent enough'... I kept apologising for it not being a 'bad enough' incident, when I called the police, and they told me I had done the right thing...

"he just threatened to involve a 'gangster'pal of his, which I feel a bit hmm about."

You could probably get an injunction just for that. What an idiot!

you cannot "make him realise he needs to get help for his anger problems". only he can can do that himself.

yuo have to decide that you will make a stand now and your relationship with him is not worth your ds suffering. put your ds first and use this incident as reason enough to say he out of your house.

does he have links to gangsters? names you can give police?

I don't know- he's friendly with someone very wealthy and a bit dodgy in the moto cross world, but tbh I think it's an empty threat.

I'm going to take the kids and stay at my parents tonight. God I can't believe it's come to this. I've been with him for 4 years and until quite recently he was the nicest man. i feel I must give off vibes to men saying 'come here and gradually increase abusing me'- as ds' dad is an ex for similar reasons.