waited for seven years and now doesn't want it help im confused

[everton]

I realise that this post is long and may get a bad reaction from some, but here goes. I wa happily married until this bloke started working where I did. We got on really well and after about a year I had a son by then, he declared his love for me ( he was married) i told him that i was happy and togoto his wife. He would not leave me alone and i did find myself falling for him. We started to have an affair, it was on and off. I ended up moving jobs to try and end it, but no it carried on again on and off, falling out, getting back in touch. Thsi has continued for 7 years. We have recently again got in touch and he has left his wife. I am in the middel of seperating from my parter also. We have met a few times and he says i am his one he has waited so long for me etc etc. Then last week he eamiled and said its all over. He says he loves me, i think he does as he has waited so long, but says it would be too difficult as his ex would stop him from seeing his daughter if we got together ( she did accuse us of having an afair soem time back) I know he is stressed by the split and is missing having his daughter full time, but is thsi just stress or will he be back. Or am i just better to move on ? any advice woudl be great. I know i was wrong to start an affair and many may think i deserve this.

Everton - you don't deserve this. He is going through a difficult time at the moment. I sugest you give him some space, let him have the time to reflect on what he wants and let him know that you are giving him that space.Good luckxx

Sorry everton I think he is attracted to you when it is illicit, but not when the relationship could become "legitimate", so I think you should move on and learn from this.

I think you should carry on your new life without him, if he decides to comeback to you then you can decide at that time if you want him back or not.

Everton - Regardless of the circumstances in which your relationship started, you have a shared history together. Any decision that either of you make needs to be thought out. I'd be wary of listening too closely to those voices who advise that because your relationship started as an affair, it definitely has no future. Or that the man in question feels nothing for you. For many here, an affair prejudices every piece of advice that they can give. Only you know your circumstances and how you feel.

hazelnut but the decision has been made has it not? He E mailed Everton to say it was all over. I don't think it's going to help the OP to wonder whether he means it, or whether he is just stressed. I think she's got to take him at his word.

Thank you. I do think he needs some space. I do know he loves me, why would he wait for so long and always coem back to me. Its not just about sex cause many times we woudl meet and not have sex. I think he is scared of his ex finding out he is seeing me and sayinghe can't see his little girl, but then i can't compete with that can I.

I dont see why hes scared of his ex finding out, after all there seperated arent they?
Or are they ?
Considering hes been lying to his family for seven years i wouldnt beleive a word he says.

Id also lose the romantic notion that hes waited seven years for you, how so ? Hasnt he in fact enjoyed having a wife and a girlfreind for seven years ? I would move on, a relationship with a man whos lied to his familt for 7 years doesnt sound inviting.

I don't understand what you mean by he "waited" for you

how did he wait ?

you had an ongoing affair, that isn't "waiting"

now you are both free(ish) he gets cold feet

when he couldn't "have" you, you were the bees-knees

now you are, err, not the bees-knees

I think that gives a very clear picture of how much he really loves you, tbh

Oh dear - so he chased and chased and now you're available he's backing off?
Honestly - what would you tell a friend in this situation? Can you see that it's been all about the process for him and not the end goal?

Now he is free to shag around isn't he? He has probably realised that entering into a 'proper' relationship with you would impede this.

Or have I just got a cynical view of men who have affairs?

He will also be aware that you know all his little tricks to deceive someone

So perhaps wouldn't be as easy to cheat on as his wife (the poor woman)

you are stuffed really, aren't you ?

best to move on, I think

next time it might also be a good idea to not choose a cheating liar as your partner

What AnyFucker said.

thank goodness he's not the father of your son. Be grateful for small mercies. You don't need him. Cut the cord.

Good luck.