Do any of you think your ex could be a great partner with someone else?

[Rumbled]

I'm not actively looking for a new partner. But when I said to a friend that I might like to be in a relationship again one day, she said - I suppose on account of the dearth of thirty-/forty-something single men around here - "Ah, well, you'll be waiting for the deaths and divorces then."

Interesting.

I can't recall reading much positive stuff on here about ex-husbands and ex-partners. They seem to either be crap partners and so their wives have left them, or else have walked out on their wives and children, which (in most such scenarios on here at least) makes them crap. And yet, there must be couples who split simply because they change over time and in ways that can't continue to work together; and men who have left their wives because their wives were treating them badly in their relationships.

Anyway, not wishing for the wives of lovely men to pop their clogs and so make their husbands available (honest!), I'm just curious as to how many of you have an ex who you think could actually make a truly decent partner for someone else; a "good man" in the respectful, trustworthy, pro-equality, kind, loving (and the rest of it) Mumsnet sense.

FWIW, I wouldn't recommend my ex - nor myself for that matter (at the moment!).

gosh my ex is off to thailand marrying his barely legal young bride to be. i doubt very much he's changed as he still tried it on with me when swap dc

Yep starshaker mine definately in the closet and probably always will be as he currently is desperately trying onto grab onto any woman in an attempt to show everyone how manly and straight he is.

Nicknametaken: Your 2nd post also sounds shockingly like ex, if I didn't know better I would think they were the same guy! It must be that secret training school for knobheads that they all go to.

Was actually thinking about this after posting as ex is mid thirties (8yrs older than me) and IMO anyone he gets with should have enough life experience under her belt to know to run for the hills rather than get involved with him. He now has 3 serious failed relationships behind him (all instigated by the woman ending te relationship) and will never change.

I went out with a chap and his wife had taken a fancy to one of thier woman friends and set up home with her, it does happen in real life. he was a lovely caring bloke.

Some ex's have been dumped on from a great height and their wives have perhaps done the dirty and so there maybe a few good men out there.

My ex is lovely. Pretty much the same as Darkly, Mistress Ploppy and Chrysanthemum. He would be great for someone who has more in common with him than I do. He is also an amazing father and wants loads of children, but I could only give him 1 (can't have any more). He is still young and available and I really hope someone snaps him up soon and makes him happy.

Aaw, the posts from people saying their ex is a nice guy and they would like to see them happy are lovely.

Belle same here and the same number. Although I can honestly say that I wouldn't have wanted to marry any of them (not that they asked!). Am now at the stage where I really can't imagine ever dating again.

yes.
just wish we hadn't managed to fuck it up between us.

at NicknameTaken.

Here's my list ...

Ex-partner might be OK in a new relationship if:

• She's oblivious to his extended, extreme highs and lows, and doesn't mind him sleeping around and spending all their money on fancy crap (and blaming this on her) when he's up, and not functioning when he's down.

• Or, she doesn't mind his moods because the in-between times when he's genuinely a really lovely bloke sustain her through the rest of the time.

• She doesn't mind that his mum is his first love, and that she will still run around after him (and so he'll expect his partner to do at least as much for him) and will defend him no matter what he's done.

• She doesn't mind that 'taking responsibility' isn't in his repertoire.

• She's physically gorgeous and spends a fair bit of time/money on her appearance.

• She isn't in any way feisty ? is very mild.

• She's happy to do all the housework or share the cost of a cleaner several times a week because he won't (not can't) do housework.

• She doesn't mind that he seems vacant and disengaged half the time.

No thanks to the Facebook link, choosyfloosy.

Because my ex can be such a nice bloke when he's fairly stable, I do wish him well in a new relationship ? and for my DS's sake too, since I dabble with the idea of remaining electively single and so it'd be good if DS had a bit of a sense of family somewhere and an example of a healthy relationship in his life. But when my ex is on a high and treating me like crap ? and I'm reminded of the person he was when we split ? it all comes back to me, and a part of me wants karma for the crap that's gone before. And if that includes him being unlucky in love, so be it. But I'm feeling fairly humane at the moment.

Heartening to read some well-wishing posts about lovely exes, with whom the chemistry/compatibility just wasn't quite right.

That's sad about your friend's ex, Poledra. If he's such a good catch, why hasn't he been snapped up (assuming he's ready)? IME, around here at least (which is not really representative because it's precisely the sort of place happily marrieds with kids locate to), all the good 'n's are spoken for.

Digitalis, your ex sounds controlling and possibly emotionally abusive, TBH. Would you have wanted a relationship with someone like that to work out? Even your being stronger probably wouldn't have stopped this streak in him, and he'd have likely sought out someone else to control. If that's what he was like to live with, you're so much better off without him, IMVHO.

lifeissweet, your ex sounds lovely. ChasingSquirrels, sorry to hear that.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's been thought provoking to read them ? and a little bit encouraging too.

Most of my exes would be fine partners for someone else, just not me. I have had some idiots though.

One of them would only be happy with someone who wanted to make all decisions for them and basically be a surrogate mother. For example, we'd had a row and I told him to sod off to a friends house or something and give me some space. He toddles off to the next room in a huff, wanders back two minutes later and asks me which friend I think he should call.

The other actually is married with kids now so has made a partner for someone, no idea if they're happy or not but presumably she would have to have no other friends or not mind him alienating them all, be prepared to have sex at every possible opportunity (or at least "do something for him" if she wasn't in the mood), not have a job that she didn't mind him getting her fired from by punching one of her co-workers, enjoy hanging around for up to an hour in the dark outside his work every night waiting to drive him home and she would have to welcome the odd shove and push if they had a row.

Ooooh that was quite carthartic actually!

Just to clarify, they are ex-boyfriends not ex-husbands!

at lucky's catharsis, and the first bloke needing you to decide which friend he should piss off too. Unbelievable! Blimey, they were both catches, weren't they?

Not me, but my mum divorced my dad when they were in their early 30s. He was a bit of a dick when he was with her, and hasn't been fantastic at maintaining a relationship with me and my sister, played around a bit when he first got divorced and had new girlfriends all the time, but then he met my stepmum and they have now been together longer than my mum and dad were together, they seem to really work together, and he is much happier. They have got two children together (as well as me and my sister) and it's all going well for them.