have you ever REALLY disliked a friend's child?

[nightowl]

this is happening to me. i feel sorry for the boy and i try my best to do anything for him that i can (ie, decorating his room the other week because his mum doesnt know how to). etc etc. but no-matter what i do...he seems to really dislike me. which in turn makes me dislike him. ive tried so hard but he seems to hate me. ive been trying to be nice to him for over a year now and all he does is take the p**s and wreck my house. shall i just give up?

Lockets, was just going to post the exact same thing!

Why should I have to like all children? Some are little beasts.

LittleSrarsweeper, I hope you're joking! I detest other people's kids, especially if they are older than mine. I don't care who's fault it is that a 7 year old tells me to "F**k off you fat cow", it's still her I want to slap.

maybe she has learned it from home. Maybe from inappropriate television. Maybe school. I frankly don't care, it's vile and she needs to know that a lot more than she needs sympathy and hugs for having her ears exposed to bad language.

The child is frankly revolting!

LSS, don't much like being called "a mummy" either! Bit sugary-sweet for my liking!

I think you have to factor in the effect a group of children have on each other. Over excitement, peer group pressure, call it what you will, it can make some children seem really OTT.

I think it's impossible to get a rounded view of a child based on visits and playtimes with your children, (well perhaps if you see them daily, but certainly not if you only see them a few times a year). They are outside their normal life. I can see how much 'nicer' and more civilised my children are when they have one to one time with me. Put them with a group of friends and they may go wild.

For this reason, I'd never want to say I hated a child (young or old), as how can I presume that I really know them?

I might say I hate what happens when I see child 'a', I hate the way they interact with my children, I hate the way my children interact with them.

Thankfully the two children (one a boy and one a girl, not related) I have felt antipathy towards have been out of our lives for several years.

Starsweeper, do you work for Hallmark Cards?

Children are not 'little angels'. They are human beings with their own personalities and, as such, some are pleasant to be around, some not so. I love my own child to bits but I'm really not at all that fussed about other people's. Don't see what's so or about that, really!

I remember a mother from school referring to me as 'mummy' throughout a short playdate my son had with her son. She knew my real name, no doubt about it, but chose not to use it. It was all 'well mummy what do you think of that' and 'mummy would you like a cup of tea' Oh it set my teeth on edge no end!

Tigermoth, you've just reminded me - after I had ds the midwife who did my postnatal visits would always call me 'mum' or 'mummy' and it used to drive me absolutely beserk. 'So, how are we feeling today, mum?' - aaaaargh! I know I'm probably the twentieth woman you've visited today and one bedraggled postnatal women with baby sick down her pyjamas probably looks very much like another to you but do you think when you're in my house, sitting on my sofa, drinking my tea, using my loo, with my notes in front of you, you could - just possibly - be bothered to USE MY BLOODY NAME???

Sorry about that. One of my pet peeves

I agree that it shouldn't be considered shocking or peculiar to admit that you don't like all children - even though you're a parent yourself. FGS, there are occasions when I positively dislike my own children. Underlying that of course is a deep instinctive love for them, but none of us are perfect all the time.

Personally, I wouldn't go so far as to say I dislike all other children. To my mind, it's simple, just like adults, there are some you like, and some you don't - and it's not always down to "behaviour" - sometimes it's just a gut feeling, just as with adults. Just because a child is "innocent", doesn't mean it can't also be very unpleasant - and, whilst, much of a child's personality can be attributed to their upbringing .... I can't get past that most of the time, and think "well, they're nice underneath" .... there has to be something nice on display for you to think that.

Cast your mind back to school, no way did I ever like all the other children in each of my classes - some of them, yes of course - and I expect most people are the same.

i love you all but i must say sometimes you can be a little harsh. i half agree with you and half agree with lss. it is not a childs fault under around ten if they are poorly behaved and as we all know kids are brighter then we give them credit for. If we dont like them they pick it up!!! however i have also noticed a distinct lack of respect in an awful lot of children recently and do agree totally that if a child shouts, spits, swears etc. anyone is quite within their rights to refuse to tolerate it and in fact are probably doing the child a favour - a little discipline when approached correctly goes a long way. i have to admit though i too hate being called "mummy" - unless of course it has the word yummy pasted in front

I know for a fact I was well aware of what constituted good manners and acceptable behaviour well before I was 10.

I think some people are just destined to be less likeable than others. Partly nature, partly nurture. A lot is to do with awareness and a sense of empathy though - and some people, both young and not so young, have neither and are the least likeable, IMO.

i too knew what good manners etc where but my point is we were taught them and have or in my case will pass them on. some children arent that lucky. i am not a bleeding heart liberal believe me but recently i had a child in my home who was a little rat while his adoring mother looked on. i instantly disliked the kid ( he was three ) but on closer inspection saw why it was happening. i felt more sorry for the child because he will be alienated if that carries on then i did dislike him at that point. that said if the little so and so jumped on my coffee table once more i was going to insist on the return of corporal punishment!!!!!!!

Ah, yes, I dislike some parents more than I could ever dislike their children

Ineffectual limp-wristed isn't my darling wonderful parenting while said little darling is trampling chocolate into my carpet and whacking DS on the head - grr!

Thats what i am talking about!!!!!!!! she went on and on about how much she loved him and i swear to god i wanted to scream. do these people not realise that loving your child is giving them guidance and boundaries in which to develop themselves. not making spoilt little monsters that will be despised by all parents and if the kids i know are anything to go by most of them as well!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh no!! i can see which way this thread could be heading!

i just want to point out that i never said i hated anyone's child. (i dont hate anyone).

and i never said i disliked all children.

what i said was:

"this is happening to me. i feel sorry for the boy and i try my best to do anything for him that i can (ie, decorating his room the other week because his mum doesnt know how to). etc etc. but no-matter what i do...he seems to really dislike me. which in turn makes me dislike him. ive tried so hard but he seems to hate me. ive been trying to be nice to him for over a year now and all he does is take the p**s and wreck my house. shall i just give up?"

he IS badly behaved. very. he has no discipline at all. he is ten so imo, old enough to know better. i cant change his mother's "smiling-on-while-he-trashes-the-place-because-its-not-his-fault" attitude and i cant change how she brings him up. i do feel sorry for him like i said and ive done lots for him. but he still dislikes me.

all i wanted to know really is should i keep trying to be nice to him or give it up and accept we dont like each other!!

i dont have a problem with loud or boisterous (sp?) children. i dont have a problem with him and ds falling out etc etc. i do have a problem with his hateful attitude towards me and dont see why i should bother being so nice anymore. i tolerate him and im never nasty but im not prepared to "crawl" to gain a 10 year old's approval thats all!!

and just in case someone comes back and says "well if you dont like him, he WILL pick up on it and act the way he does"...

i had no problem with him at first and i wouldnt take a dislike to a child for no reason!

he started it!! (tongue sticking out emoticon in desperate attempt to keep it lighthearted)

I would say insist on and enforce mutual respect and courtesy then relax

Yeah, I think at 10 there should be the start of some respect and it sounds like you've tried very hard.......I suppose I was thinking of the younger ones having 3 under 5 myself I know how hard it can be...but maybe I'm making excuses for myself.

Yeah, agree with the "mummy" carry on - very common in HVs and midwifes.

there is 1 who was 3 that me and DP dislike as hes a little b, as the way he was bought up, he could get away with murder - honest!. i remembered that when him and his family came to mine for me to show them my new house. i sat on the settee with his mum who is my friend with her newborn baby and his dad was standing up talking to DP. the little shit jumped between me and his mum and he twisted my skin on my hand really hard and scraped my hand hard too but i didnt let on, then he was playing with my DP and thought nothing of it till they all went home, DP arm was bleeding and covered in scratches . He used to bully kids in school. oh he wasnt a nice kid at all.

he is now 5 and a different boy but he still a little shit but not as bad as he used to be since his brother had grown up (his bro is 2 now)

NO - I know the feeling. My friends child is SO rude and just spends most of the time hurting my ds!

As an ex-nanny for many years before having my own son, I was shocked and guilty the first time I found I actually couldn't get on with one of the children I was looking after. It was definitely a mutual dislike and I felt extremely upset that I couldn't put things right. I felt it said something awful about me that a young innocent child would take a dislike to me.

As time has gone by I have realised that, as mentioned earlier, children are small people and we do not get on with all people, no matter how hard we try! I don't think it necessarily means the child is 'bad' or 'nasty' (I personally always had a sneaking affection for one of my most difficult mindees who other mothers seemed to loathe) just that you and they are not destined to spend a lot of happy hours together as your personalities clash, or they remind you of the little sod who pulled your pigtails in primary school, or whatever.

I would give up trying to make this child like you, stop feeling guilty, and just concentrate on enjoying your friendship with his mum while being civil to him. Good luck!

thanks, you know i think the guilt has a lot to do with it. i feel guilty that i dont like him, even though he is the way he is. a childminder i know suggested to me once that i could be one...i recoiled in horror!! that was one of my main concerns..what if i didnt like one of the children for whatever reason.

toddlers dont bother me btw...ive seen some horrible toddlers grow into very nice children!! .

anyway, maybe one day he will like me, maybe not. but i dont think im going to let it worry me!

I can think of at least one friend I've stopped seeing because I couldn't stand her son.