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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't feel as if I can trust him...

3 replies

SparklySparkly · 26/04/2010 17:06

but I don't know why!

DH is a director at an Estate Agency (I know, I know), so he's a great salesperson and I know he lies very easily. Untruths just trip off his tongue (I've seen him do it to other people, when I know the truth, IYSWIM) to a point where I think he almost believes whatever he is saying. It's why he's so good at his job.

There have been a few, very minor, occasions where he's told me some very white lies, but since having DD 3 months ago, I'm feeling very insecure about myself and in our relationship, and I'm not really sure what to do. He always jokes around about being a 'major player' and it's really starting to get to me, although he also says I am the love of his life and all those days are behind him.

He is a wonderful father and husband, and I know I'm probably being a bit crazy, but I have just had a baby, have no current plans to go back to work (took redundancy when going onto maternity leave, and don't necessarily need to work, though it feels very odd not to) so I have lost a massive part of my sense of self and I think my self esteem has really suffered. I feel very odd being at home with DD all day, and hardly going out at night, I was a bit of a go-getter and, though I have lots of lovely friends and family, lots of baby groups etc, I often feel very lonely and out of place. I've started to wish I could be the 'old me' again.

I've started to check his phone and emails. Never find anything untoward, but I'm driving myself crazy with paranoia. I haven't mentioned this much to him at all, because I don't want him to think I've gone mental and because I don't want him to feel pressured.

I don't mean to paint a bad picture of him, if I am, he really is very loving and kind, and mostly dotes on me, although things have been a little difficult since having DD, he also says he's never been happier.

What is wrong with me?

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 26/04/2010 17:09

Nothing,

You have had a baby and are shattered, emotional and have had your world turned upside down.

You see your Dh carrying on as normal. He still has his job, goes out each day, probably some nights too and has had his life changed less.

Talk to him about how you feel a but lost but don't mention the loss of trust at the moment.

TheSteelFairy2 · 26/04/2010 17:12

I don't think you will find a woman on here who does not identify with at least some of your post. Standard after birth of first baby feelings.

He sounds like a good bloke apart from the "major player" crap that would p*ss me off a bit I must admit.

SparklySparkly · 26/04/2010 17:17

He only does the 'major player' bit because he thinks it's funny to wind me up. To be fair, I think he was a bit, in his day, but now he just talks about it for a laugh because it pisses me off and I get a bit 'hoity toity feminist' at him.

OP posts:
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