not in love, anyone feel the same?

[mrsmoores]

Is anyone else in this situation?

I'm not in love with dh any more and haven't been for a long time and don't seem to want to try ro get that back. I don't fancy him or find him attractive. For me it is gone. He is not a horrible person and we do get on ordinarily. He is self centred and I'm too soft. I think when we got together I knew it was the safe option.

I have told him I don't love him anymore and don't know what I want, since telling him a couple of weeks ago not once have I really thought, yes lets make this work. I just keep thinking I want to go and build something for myself. I can't seem to see a future where I am happy that we are together or that I will ever feel that love for him again. I would be doing it to please him and 2 DS but not for me.

But although that is how I feel today I am also struggling with the concept of actually leaving and why I don't want to try to make the relationship work?

I am waiting to see someone from relate on my own and the waiting is very painful.

Has anyone else been here or is in this situation?

I'm in the same situation, have been for many years.

Broached the subject several weeks ago and he won't discuss it. I think many men's default response is head in the sand. Intend to try again this weekend but will probably lose my nerve.

Interesting about the Relate counsellor saying not all relationships last forever. I have to confess I just assumed mine would and I feel I've failed.

Good luck to all of you.

Buggery bollocks
He's just come home with his tail between his legs, a bunch of flowers and a gorgeous pair of shoes for me!
He's apologised and promises to try harder.....

How many times must we go through this?
I'm such a fool, I had a big grin on my face when he produced the pressies, damn!

oh but shoes, he's trying :D

When I told him he was completely shocked, couldn't see where it had come from and didn't believe me. It was horrible but the day before he'd been particularly childish about something and I just realised that I'd had enough and had to say something. Been trying for at least the past year to change how I feel but can't. He was really, really sad.

Since he has been trying to help round the house, with the kids etc. He really wants it to work and cannot understand why I would throw it all away, as far as he is concerned if I was in love with him once why can't I be again? But relate made me see that peoples needs change and what was important to them say 5 or 10 years ago in a relationship is not what works now. It is harder for him because I've had time to come to terms with the way I feel and he hasn't.

She also said that people can try and change, and do to an extent change their behaviour and learn to communicate better but personalities cannot be changed, they are just who we are and if that doesn't work for us as individuals then it is ok to admit it and move on. It is how you make the break that is the important bit by all accounts.

Frazzle I think presents do work for a moment but in a way they make you feel guilty and make you feel that everything is ok but deep down it isn't. You will be nice to each other for a bit and then things will revert to the way they were. And Mrscloony you haven't failed at all. I don't feel like I have I just feel sad that this is going to cause hurt and pain but as people keep telling me it won't be forever and I will get through it. Oh I'm quite impressed with my strength today but then we are apart this weekend so I'm sure that helps!

I am in your same shoes. I've told him I don't love him any more and have been thinking of moving out. His response was that as a new mum ( baby is 5 months old) I am bound to feel like this. Don't know what to do... It's good to know I am not the only one.

Aaaargh! This thread is so scary... I was going to start a thread tonight while dh working but then read this and i just wanted to add my post, hopefully for someone to wave their magic wand, really...

I havte to admit this but right now i don't really fancy dh or find him very atractive, yet he hasn't really changed much from when we first met, appearance wise. Dh did go through a phase a while ago where he was so miserable, everything was shit or rubbish, when he got in from work if i asked him how work had ben all i would get was 'it's shit, its rubbish, so- and so who i work with is such a pisss taker and i'm so badly done to...' . One christmas his parents put about £50 in a card but didn't tell us it was there, when i opened the christmas card i didn't know there was money in teh envelope so i must have thrown it away, so dh rang up his prents on christmas day top ell them that i had lost the money then started to sob and tell me how poor they were and he felt so bad for them... nice way for me to feel shit too over such a stupid non event?

We haven't had sex in ages and I know it's because i don't want to. dh is being patient but he does keep making moves which i avoid. I'm starting to exercise again to start to get fit but dh moans he needs to get fit but then does f*ck all about it. Our sex life as it was (and i know will be the same if and when it picks back up) =, wa boring: i could pre-empt exactly what will happen when, and if i suggest anything different dh just says he wants to cuddle and looks mystified if i suggest anything different. I'm only young and i can't face this being all i've got for the rest of my life! We don't have any sex toys, dh would freak out.... we've been on holiday and dh has said how he can't wait to back to the same place each year! What?? Never go anywhere else on holiday??? dh looked really upset when i gently suggested we might every no and again want to try somewhere new and wants dcs to get in tradition of going to same place...

yet he is a genuinley nice kind hearted bloke who loves his children and goes out to work to provide for them, so what sort of total bitch would i look like if i said i wanted to leave? We did have an sort of argument a while ago where i was really upset and hd said f i wanted to split up i had to think about our family and do what is best for the dcs, so i sid i didn't want to split, ut i think i was too scared to say otherwise because uii wouldn't want to upset the dc's and financially i couldn't afford ity and it would devastate both families.

please some ne tell me that this is just part of the trials of maried life and either the zing does come back or it gets replaced with something special because i just feel washed out and grey at the moment

and i am the worst typing person in the world!