DP suddenly turned psycho on me (non violent, just wierd)

[Sorce]

Sorry for the name change everyone.
Ever since I've lived with DP I have not worked (illness but better now) or done much of anything really. He always seemed ok with this but I wanted to go out and do something so HE suggested college rather than getting stuck in a dead end job so I went for it. So I've been there about 3 weeks now and as a shy, quiet person I've found it quite difficult to make friends. I have joked to DP now and again that I'm the "billy no mates" of the group and he makes all the right sympathetic noises. Yesterday was better though, I got talking to a few people and last night I joked to DP that I have finally made "a friend" and even walked to bus station with her. He sat there very stone faced and did not respond. I said "What's up? you seem annoyed" and he replied "I just don't see how you can make "friends" with people you have only known for 3 weeks".

So I said I was joking about the "friend" thing but on the positive side I am getting to know the people on the course better and am getting "FRIENDLY" with a couple of them. He snapped "yeah, and you'll be wanting to go out with them next". I said "so?? what if I do go out with them now and again?" and he said "oh so you've already arranged it then" and I said "no but the likelyhood is there WILL be a night out at some point and if there is, I'll go. He said "yeah and I bet they'll be blokes there".

I said "there are only 3 blokes on the course!" I then went on to describe them and point out why I wouldn't be interested. Somehow he misheard me at one point and said "oh, so there's 4 now? you said 3 a minute ago, so who is the 4th one?" I said "I never said that" and he accussed me of mentioning a blokes name when I never mentioned any names at all.

Anyway the argument went on pretty much all night with him more or less saying he didn't want me mixing with any males or even going out the women too often and he didn't want to see any male names on my facebook or my phone etc.

He has never shown these signs before but I suppose since upto now my life has consisted of housework and not much else, he's had no reason to fear me having a social life.

How do I deal with this? is he likely to calm down about it all after a while or will it get worse?

Is this the DP you were planning to go out with tonight for a meal, Sorce?

You need to get out immediately, and do it with care, because it's my considered opinion he won't let you go easily.

Sorry.
Do you need any help with making arrangements? Is it your house or his?

Start planning now. You are going to lose respect completel;y for this bloke very quickly the way he is going, and he is EXTREMELY unlikely to change.

These sorts of issues go back a very long way and are very deep seated - probably to do with his mum.

I had a boyfriend briefly like this and his temper just got worse and worse till I ditched him. I was so scared even by then and it was only 2 months in. It started like yours did out of the blue and then it got worse quickly till I was on eggshells all the time.

He had issues with people I ahd once dated, that kind of thing. Very scary.

He's not called Dave is he?

Sounds very bad to me I'm afraid.

Let me guess.....amazingly attentive at first? Quick committment?

Sounds to me like you already know the reality of where you find yourself. I am so sorry, I know how painful and difficult it is.

I had lost touch with ALL my friends, getting them back now though.

I myself had to call the police out again this morning as my h is losing control of me, and is becoming increasingly aggressive. It's very, very frightening.

You don't want to end up there.

Yes, classic abuse signs...paranoia, accusations, contradicting you, unable to let go, obsessive....oh dear

some signs here

Um I'd say get out now as well, tbh. You have a life ahead of you and you are now on your course and rebuilding your life. Don't let him do this to you, I can only see it escalating. I wish when it happened to me I had heard of mumsnet and had the advice you;re getting now because it started as a jealous reaction to me going to a friend's birthday party (her 21st, my best friend) and quickly escalated to not being allowed friends ever, not being allowed to meet female friends even for a coffee, not being allowed to meet relatives, having all my email addresses hacked into, not being allowed to work my normal work hours, not being allowed to stay back for 2 hours at work even when my female boss begged me to do something urgently and confirmed this to him, so my career didn't progress, not being allowed to sit various essential exams, then being beaten and beaten and beaten, to within an inch of my life once when I was 8 months pregnant. I can only see this as the starting point of something much much worse, sorry. I wish I had gotten out when it first started.

Yes I wish I'd had mn seven years ago too.

I have had lies told to me and about me that have had a massively negative impact on my career. I don't know if I will ever be able to get back to where I was.

I've not been able to go to conferences, and network, not been able to socialise with work colleagues, and now all the work I do is remotely from home.

It is mind bogglingly lonely. And all he did was ignore me. I ceased to exist.

When I complained he said that I had lost work because I was rubbish at my job and that other people had said I was difficult to work with. All lies.

His behaviour got significantly worse when dd started school and I started to make friends with some of the mums. No coincidence there.

RUN AWAY!

Sorce,

There are so many red flags in your original post. Can only add to the others who are giving your warnings and good counsel here re your partner. He is a control freak and is certainly displaying controlling behaviour towards you. You need to realise that controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour.

You need to read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft.

You need to be very careful - controlling men are angry men and they do not let go of their victims easily. You have become his victim. You will need to make a careful plan of escape from him.

BTW does he by chance pick you up and or collect you from your course?. Again this is control disguised as concern.

Sorce, from what I can gather you are not married to this man nor have any children with him.
These two things- particularly the latter- are very, very much to your advantage in terms of leaving this guy.
You do, however, have to plan how to leave and do so quietly without his knowledge.
Sounds like the house is his- in which case he may get very funny when you announce you are leaving - counter this by being prepared i.e. have somewhere to go to on a temporary basis and minimise your possessions (good excuse for a good clearout/detox).
My arsehole of a husband -who I am planning to leave shortly - still threatens to chuck me out during a row (he cannot legally do this) so I can imagine a man you are not even married to will also use "chucking you out" as a weapon- so be prepared. The difference is that an unmarried, childless person may not have the "defence" that I have.

If I am wrong and the house is YOURS, then just chuck the bastard out, you're not married he has no claim on it.

Your unmarried status has advantages and disadvantages- you will probably not be entitled to any "maintenance" but nor do you have to go the legalities of divorcing and the stress that brings. In short, you can just leave.
I suspect that as you've not been working, you've no joint major financial agreements, either- another plus in favour of getting out easily.

Sorce, you are in a very vulnerable position here, if the house is in HIS name only, you are unmarried and childless- I can't deny that he has the upper hand in the sense that he can leave you high and dry in the sense that you may temporarily be broke and homeless.

Please don't forget, though, the PLUS sides of this - you don't have to go through the rigamorale of a divorce and the split -once made- will be straightforward with no financial repercussions for you. It is far more easy to make a clean break when unmarried with no children or major financial agreements - that's just common sense.