Come and tell me to get over myself...

[justwantahug]

ok, I've namechanged but i'm the perpetual 'first dater' on this board... (at least, it feels like it..)

So, am off for another one on Tues, he's seemed very keen, an internet date admittedly, lots of long/thoughtful emails etc. We've emailed for a few weeks, but the last week, he's seemed a bit less eager, to reply to emails etc, and a bit less keen about the idea of meeting up.

Under cover of anonymity, having a gut feeling something was 'up', I went back onto the dating site, and he's been on there LOADS the last week - every evening, even mornings before work (like, 7am!!)

I KNOW it's his prerogative to do that, I KNOW dating sites are all about chatting to lots of people (even though how I do it is one at a time, I just don't have the time to juggle loads of people's emails!) , but I can't help feeling disappointed that his reluctance to be as keen as he was, ties in with his all of a sudden being quite active on the dating site again. I feel jealous of the other person he's been emailing and wonder what put him off me

Please tell me it's not as big a deal as it is in my head???

He sounds like a player, and it's probably not you, but the thrill of the never-ending chase that has made him keep on playing. If he's seeing you on Tuesday and busily working away at the site last week, even before work, it doesn't look good.

Hope you haven't invested much in this, emotionally?

i think your taking it too seiously and that you should really learn to juggle more than one persons e-mails to stop yourself getting too involved at that stage.

I think you should just be a bit wary. At the moment, he's still keeping his options open (as should you! And should you get the opportunity to, you should be looking out for other potentials too) I think it's too early for either you or him to be ruling out anyone else. See how the next date goes and then see how it pans out from that.

Got to say though, more concerning is that you feel he may be contacting you less. I'm afraid to say that usually instinct is right on this and it may well be that this one isn't going to happen which seems a bit of a pity given all those lovely e-mails you had to start with.

Keep holding on to hope though for meeting someone, I met my DP on a dating site but - IT CAN HAPPEN ANYTIME ANYWHERE! Life can change in an instant and that's all it takes. Look after yourself, treat yourself now and again, go out on dates, have fun, and hopefully when you're least expecting it, someone wonderful will walk into your life who will give you no cause to doubt his integrity.

i met my husband through internet dating too; i internet dated for about a year or just over, and i trained myself to not take it seriously at all, although to keep going until i met someone i really liked where there was some potential. honestly its a waste of time to invest unrealistically at this stage, you havent even met the man yet; see how the first date goes, you also may want to date several people at once until you meet someone youre really keen on, thats your perogative too. have fun and good luck!

Get over yourself

Easy tiger, as the others have said, cool it down and don't get so emotionally invested so soon. They are lucky to find you, so be a little elusive!

I'm just fed up of it all, I thought we were getting on (unusually) well, but obviously not as well as I'd thought

Unusually well ought to ring bells - he could very well be a nutter or a player.

If it's gone tits up now, then better to know sooner rather than later.

Don't worry, I sounds like you are well shot of him.

he probably enjoys the initial "chase" bit and then goes cold. At least you haven't wasted any time or energy in meeting him.

Well, we're still on for tonight. And yes, he's still been very active on the dating site. However, I'm leaving the country for work soon, for about 8 weeks, which I was upfront about and he told me last night that he's being circumspect as a result. So that probably explains it.

I personally think if you like someone then 8 weeks isn't that long to wait, but I guess he's being sensible. After all we haven't even met yet so we'll see what happens tonight.