painful sex after second degree tear

[knitengmum]

So baby is now 3 months old and I still find it too painful to manage to have sex. I?m finding it distressing because I really miss that intimacy. (I know there are other things we can do and we do, but it?s not the same).

I spoke to my doctor and she said that there is a tiny bit of granulation at my stitches and that I should just not have sex until it sorts itself out. She added that it takes some women months for their stitches to heal fully. She said that if I still have pain at 6 months post partum then I should come back.

The more I think about this the more upset I get, can this be right?

I had an unassisted, unmedicated delivery but ended up with a second degree perineal tear and two labial tears. I have granulation at all three wounds.

Has anyone else had similar problems? My husband is being really great about the whole thing but I feel really cheated and disappointed. Irritatingly, I know that some rumpy pumpy would be just what I need to lift my mood!

knitengmum - Male POV (which may or may not be appropriate given the subject)

My wife had exactly the same problem after our son was born. At first sex was impossible - literally. After about 6 months it was possible but still very painful. Its now 3 years later and the problem has still not completely gone away. Just remember that you have given him a child, its the greatest gift that any woman can ever give their partner.

i hope that things get better with time.

I had trouble at first because of the tightness caused by the stitches. The GPs advice was to gently stretch the.. ahem... affected area... with fingers (I assume he meant my own...) at every opportunity to encourage it to ease out. Normal service was resumed after a couple of weeks of that, though we took it slow at first just in case.

Granulation in the scar tissues might respond to cortisone injections. I had quite nasty scarring and now things are much better - certainly good enough to be "fully functional". My fantastic gynae told me that only 50% of women have a good improvement with cortisone, but there are no side effects, so in my opinion it was well worth a try. I don't think that cortisone is a standard treatment at the moment, so you might well not be offered and have to push for the treatment.

The biggest downside was that I had to have someone injecting my perineum and vulva, which was unpleasant, to say the least! It was very much short-term pain for long-term gain in my case though.

Massage is also a great option, and has the big advantage that it is free and easy. I got DH to do it, because he could get a better angle. To be honest, I think that he liked to feel that he was part of the solution too. He really missed sex (and so did I).

Not sure if the doctor you spoke to is your GP or hospital doctor.

Might be worth asking for a referral to the consultant who was in charge of your care? It's possible they won't see you until 6 months but you could at least have a date made for exactly then which you could cancel later if not needed.

I had lots of tears and scarring from rotational forceps. Healed well but sex was too painful when we tried about 5 months after DD's birth (other complications too with bladder etc). I was referred back to the gynae at 6 months who examined me again to check there were no undissolved internal stitches etc. It resolved itself more by 7 months and some very slow and gentle attempts.

I had labial tears too with my first so I feel your pain (although mine healed okish - except for painless but horible area where the skin doesn't meet anymore).

I would ask to be referred back to the hospital if you are in pain.

Hi,

I had same problem and I clearly remember at the time thinking that it would not be the same again and feeling very destressed about it. I actually felt I had been mutilated . Even though I was very happy to have safely given birth to healthy children, it still was not an acceptable reason for giving up on sex!. years later this is long forgotten. I had granualation too, both my episiotomies did not heal properly so it was a terrible mess "in there". I had big scar tissues and making love was clearly very painful and hardly possible even months after. I eventually went for an injection, best thing I ever did, it really worked, if you find that the pain is lasting I would definitively would go for hte injection (don't wait as long as I did). Making love is part of your life and your couple, cannot be missed!

Good luck !

I feel your pain. My DS is 8 weeks old and I have a very similar problem

My stitches got infected, I was given anti-biotics which didn't fully take away the infection and the area still hasn't healed properly.

I've been looked at by a few midwives and two different GPs, and am due to see another doctor next week.

I'm still in pain, although it's only a small amount of pain.

DH and I have had sex a few times since DS has been born, but I just can't relax and I tense up in anticipation of it being sore. Also I hate the idea of DH touching and feeling the wound/scar area.

OP your post is very similar to how I feel

Am not being blase, but 3m isn't a terribly long time post-birth

I've had 2nd degree tears after both births

I'd say intercourse didn't feel completely normal again until about 8-9m after

I would follow the advice the Dr has given you and go back again in 3m if things still aren't right

I had a 3rd degree tear and also find it painful even now (DD is nearly 1) but a couple of things are helpful that my pelvic floor physio suggested. Firstly, lots and lots of lube. She suggested something called Silk which she said was much better than KY as KY actually dries out your vagina (who knew) and also something called Replens (sp?). I have to admit I have not tried either but she strongly recommended them. Secondly - go on top! This means there is less pressure on the scarring. That really helped me. Good luck and give it some time :-)

Nux I think the lube you're talking about is called Liquid Silk. I got some of that and it is quite good

It's good to know that other people are feeling the same way... although of course I'm not saying that I'm happy that other people are sore! You know what I mean. It's good to know I'm not the only one, and I'm sure the OP will take some comfort from that too.

Riven I totally misread your post and was . I thought you said that "sticking a nose in was still agony after 6 years post tear" I was thinking . I understand now I've re-read!

I'd recommend massage with arnica cream or a gentle oil, or, can bio oil be used genitally?
I'd also recommend organic lube for sex, no nasty chemicals to irritate the skin.

Thanks everyone, it's hard, no one mentions that this can happen - I feel quite cheated!

yes i was exactly the same when i had ds (first baby) and we didn't start trying to have sex til about 3 mo because i knew it would hurt.. even then it was very painful for ages which was mierable for a while but we persisted and it got better in the end - probably after a few months...
we even had another baby! (no tear - was sooo relieved!). All the best - hope it improves..