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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

starting couples counselling tonight...

9 replies

AuntieMaggie · 21/04/2010 12:38

and I'm really nervous!

Any advice?

OP posts:
whatname · 21/04/2010 16:57

be as honest as you can.
use the opportunity to have an objective observer

NinaJane · 21/04/2010 17:48

Hi Auntiemaggie - sorry, I have no advice, only wanted to wish you good luck.

whatname · 21/04/2010 18:02

i was nervous at first, but it's ok.
I actually found it really helpful.

waspylady · 21/04/2010 18:12

Hi AuntieMaggie

I guess try not to expect too much from the first session.

i found it very helpful too but took a couple of sessions to get into it.

Also the first counsellor we saw we didn't get on with it felt all wrong. So we changed for another who was fantastic.

So don't be afraid to go with your instincts if it doesn't feel right with that particular person.

Good luck!

SereneSwanMadlyPaddling · 21/04/2010 19:16

Hi Maggie

I've only had good experiences, with 2 different couple-counsellors. I was lucky in that my husband (now ex-husband... but many years after we got a lot of help from counselling!) was really positive about the counselling process.

If the counsellor is the right person for you, I think you should feel that they offer the right balance of active, directed listening and advice-giving. I know we wouldn't have been able to work with someone who just listened and nodded. We liked being given "homework tasks" - it worked well for us.

It was interesting that we both felt equally "at fault" at the end of the sessions. And, amazingly, while I was pretty teary and shattered after the sessions (but in a good way...) my husband was almost energised by them. Pretty incredible, since "discussing relationships" is more of an enjoyable hobby for women than men!

We were going to sessions at lunchtime in the middle of work, but found that a bit tricky. It seemed really important be in the same car together afterwards, and to be able to just be a bit gentle, taking care of each other a bit.

Hope this helps. I suppose it depends a lot on if both of you are up for counselling.

whatname · 21/04/2010 21:54

how did it go?

AuntieMaggie · 21/04/2010 22:07

Thanks all

Really good for a first session. We have 2 counsellors which wasn't what I expected but it seemed to work ok.

I was really nervous but was ok once I started talking.

DP is keen so that's not a problem.

Fingers crossed!

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 22/04/2010 12:03

Hi AM. Glad it went well. We didn't go that route, so had nothing to share yesterday, but hope that things are working out for you and that the experience will be really productive.

HappyWoman · 22/04/2010 13:57

AM - glad it was good. I think my h became a bit 'addicted' to counselling and would often say 'what would (counsellors name) say about that'.
Since then we have also found that we are critical of some of the things she did with us, but at the time it was a life-saver.

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