No physical contact for months

[Whoelsetoask]

Not sure if anyone else has come through this and can help by suggesting something, including perhaps professional advice.

We have two children both under 4. My DH has never been mad about sex, once a week was about our average before kiddies, including during pregnancy. It dropped after number one as you'd expect. But since number two?? Nearly a year ago, we've had sex twice.

I make suggestions, cook nice dinners, dress up nicely, suggest "early night night" have paid for babysitters so we can go out for a meal ... still nothing. I have been rejected too many times to try again so haven't for 7 months and he doesn't appear to have even noticed.

We're both more tired since baby two, but he doesn't seem too tired to jog, or play football or sit up watching films til midnight.

What can I do? I've talked about it, we've been to Relate between one and two ... do I just give up, accept a life of no physical contact? Or wait until my children are older and then throw myself back out there again?

I should add he's a brilliant Dad to them, heaps of affection and is always telling me what a great Mum I am. But I want to be more than a Mum to him. And before anyone asks, which I would, I'm physically no different to before, no lasting baby weight, no stretch marks, maybe slightly saggier tits and no, my second birth wasn't traumatic and he didn't see that much!

I feel the future of my marriage which is good in every other way hangs in the balance. Can you just live being someone's best friend???

Sorry no decent advice to give just an anti mn ((((hug)))

You could try the sexual programme relate offers? It's designed for these sorts of situations as well as others. Did you find them helpful when you went before?

i think you need to be really brave and ask outright why he doesnt want sex with you anymore. youve got nowhere to start from if you dont even talk about it. you have to ask him why, only then can you choose what to do next.

It is possible to live with someone as a 'best friend'... but only if YOU can deal with it.

I think the best thing to do is for you to get it clear in your own mind what you can and can't put up with. If you find that living without physical contact is likely to make you sad and resentful then I suspect the negative consequences of this will outweight his positive attributes.

If you don't want to carry on like this, then you have to talk to each other, with professional help if necessary, about how best to solve the situation. Some people get sex outside the marriage, it works for them, wouldn't work for me and only you can know if it works for you.

all I know, is that failing to deal with the issue - by either changing the situation or accepting it with grace - is almost guarranteed to cause serious problems for you both somewhere down the line.

Whoelsetoask - I have come through this but the way that I am dealing with it, whilst it workds for me, it not for everyone. I'm just waiting now for them all to pile in! Like I don't know what they are going to write.

Relate can offer specific pyshco - sexual counselling - not sure if that's what you've tried already ?

I reckon he is probably seeing you as a 'mum' I do think sexual counseling would be of benefit