Would this annoy you?

[lisaleelu]

I am very haapily married and I know my husband adores me and that his ex wife is no threat to me. BUT I find myself getting irrationally jealous if thats the right word or may just irritated by her calling my husband.

She will call him maybe once every three months for a 'chat'.

In the early days of our relationship the chats were her trying to get money out of him (I should add they had been split years before we met and she was the one that finsished the relationship, but he still let her have the house - he left with nothing)

But now the chats are all about how great her life is. How her boyfriend is so fantastic, how he earns 100k, how they are going to marituis etc.

I am not sure if I am jealous- I certainly shouldn't be as I am very happy and have no real reason to wish her ill will. I also know for all the tea in China my dh would not want to be involved with her again.

BUT why or why does it wind me up so much. My husband says he has to answer so as not to cause upset with his grown up children.

What do u think?

He does have to answer, he doesn't however have to spend an hour talking to her. It would annoy me, but then the very breathing of ex partners annoys me. I think I'm just preternaturally jealous sometimes.

It winds you up because you feel threatened by her - oh yes you do. You need to get over it though because jealousy is a most unattractive quality in a partner, particularly as your husband is between a rock and a hard place, he has grown up children by this woman. He would not be a good dad if he blanked the woman who he had children with.

Try and think of it like this - he's with you not her and he's probably just as irritated with her as you are!

Yes I agree jealousy is v unattractive.

I don't know why it winds you up. I only know that I understand that it does!

I guess part of it is her "boasting" about how fab her life is, I know that I would be wondering why she felt the need to trumpet all of her triumphs? and I would wonder if she were doing that in order to show your DH that she is a desirable woman. It all seems a bit "look at me" IYKWIM?

Once your children are grown, the need to stay in regular contact diminishes IMO, but I guess the fact that she's only getting in touch 4 times a year means that she's not obsessively contacting your DH.

I am very curious, however, why your DH is telling you the ins and outs of these conversations. Surely he could just get off the phone and say "oh yeah, she's just touching base" DO you ask him for all the details of their chats?

Do you have children with your DH? Have you been together for a long time?

I ask the details! God knows why!
Actually I know I said every three months but it is probably more than 4 times a year -maybe 8 times.

Whay is IYKWIM?

just looked up IYKWIM- so now know what it means
thanks

It's understandable. You're feeling threatened in some way by his past.

Have you spoken to him and sai something like "I know this is stupid, but this is making e uncomfortable, I know it's MY problem, but can we talk about it?"

Oh I have - but he thinks I am being silly - I am certainly not the type to ask him not to answer - and I would not like it if he spoke to her and did not tell me she has called. He does not call her.

lisaleelu I don't know why it bothers you but if I'm honest, it would bother me a little, too. I know all of the arguments about why it shouldn't but in my world, its just somehow intrusive? Not quite the right word but... OK - on the plus side - it sounds like DH couldn't care less, and well - it doesn't sound like she still cares about him (which I know isn't the point but...) The only ex I've ever regretted leaving, I left well alone once I knew he was seeing someone else; I still cared for him, and didn't want to cause any problems for him with the new gf (they're married now, so I hear). I believed the nicest thing I could do was to not mess it up for him by calling n causing conflict. If she's calling him after so long, she's calling for some personal reason trying to prove something to him about herself - nothing to do with you or him really... That would be my guess.

Thanks I appreciate ur response. I also pleased to read that others would be bothered -as I really do not think I am by nature a jealous person.