Dad told me he hoped a "Rotted in hell".

[Toothache]

I'm won't go into the loooonng background here. But my Dad has effectively been my boss for the past 4 mths. We don't really get along at the best of times, but it's been awful. He makes a fool of my in front of the guys on site, he drags my personal life into every work issue, he's so racist and bigotted that I cringe.... he's just a complete dick.

Anyway, on Tuesday afternoon he had been put under pressure by his boss... and there had also been a problem with the project. He was in a bad mood and everyone else had buggered off early without telling him.

He decided that my typing was annoying him. He started asking confrontational and aggressive questions like "Who are you emailing now?" and "You're not doing work you're just taking the piss out of me"!!!

I was actually MN'ing but I wasn't going to explain THAT to him.

Anyway, I told him he was being ridiculous (only the other day he went off his head coz my sniffing was annoying him). I told him that I was sick of him taking things out on me when he was put under pressure.

I walked out the portacabin and phoned DH for a rant and to tell to come collect me (Dad normally runs me home). I was due to finish 45 mins later anyway.

When I got back in my Dad went off his head "WHO WERE YOU PHONING TELLING LIES ABOUT ME???" I said it was DH and it wasn't lies it was true that he was going mental at me coz my typing was irritating him.

He walked out and walked straight back in and said this:

"I hope you rot in hell, I really do"
"You deserve NO happiness for your future"
"I hope you have all the bad luck going coz that all you deserve"

Whilst he was shouting this I was packing up my laptop, smiling and nodding at him. I said "I don't have to take that from anyone, never mind my own Father. I am leaving now and I'll tell HO on Thurday why I won't be back on site" I said he was bully and a pig and really I was overdue for doing this. I also told him that if I had been a male employee I'd have punched him in the mouth by now and then I walked out. He came out after me shouting "Why can't you be nice to me, you have been horrible to me since you started at this office. Why are you trying to jeapardise my job???"
WTF?????????????????

I said I wasn't jeapardising his job, but he had now ruined any kind of Father Daughter relationship we had and thathe couldn't even treat me like a human being.

He then asked me not to leave until my shift finished coz....... wait for it....... HE WAS WORRIED WHAT MY BOSS WOULD THINK?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Anyway, I stayed for another 30 mins, but thankfully didn't speak to him again as someone came to see him.

I haven't spoken to him since, but I'm due back on site tomorrow.

I really don't know what to do. He has said too many horrible things to me and it's becoming daily. I do NOT want a relationship with him, but I guarantee that he will carry on as nothing has happened.
I know this is really long, but I'd appreciate any advice/opinions from you all

Toothache- i feel so sorry for you in this dreadful situation.
Your father is not a well person- he is clearly deeply depressed. When people get to the depths of a depresion it they will often take it out on the people they trust most as they are the easiest target.
For your own sanity and wellnes you must get away from him. I think the way you have behaved so far is incredibly courageous. You have also been supporting your mum which is nothing short of heroic.
Moving to a new job is the best thing you can do. I really hope it works out for you. In the mean time your father really needs help. I think Personnel need to know that he is what sounds to me on the verge of a nervous breakdown. he is certainly not functioning normally or coping in any way. Rememeber that you re not the cause of his problems- you are just the punchbag. When people behave like this it is because they feel they have no control of their lives any more and this can make some people violent or suicidal. They go into freefall. he needs help. i hope that he seeks it on his own , but it is possible that in his anger he thinks that he is beyond help. I would talk to the Samaritains and or your GP and get some professional advice. If he can eventually start to see that he is ill and accept help there is a possibility in the future that you may think about building bridges again. I really admire the way you have been so strong in such awful circumstances.

it sounds so much like my own dad its untrue. We havent spoken for 3 1/2 yrs now.

Toothache I suggest you keep your chin up and work out the rest of your time there, no matter how difficult it will be. At least after workjing with him you can understand some of your Mums behaviour. Hope things get better for you x

Fio2 - Have your whole family cut him off? I mean do you have siblings who speak to him? Are your Mum and Dad still together?

Just tell me if I'm being too nosy, I'm just wondering about the practicalities of cutting all ties.

Nothing to add TA except he sounds horrible and it's great that you're out of there.

Toothy, the sooner you start your new job the better, at least you won't have to deal with him at work.
I can't begin to imagine how it must feel like to have a dad that abuses you in that way. Sorrel has made a good observation about his behaviour. He will end up a lonely man unless he deals with the problems, but you can't force him to sort them out. You must feel like s**t everytime he does this, as well as worrying about him.
I don't know what to say, other than thinking of you, but that seems so trite.

Thanks Gingerbear. I don't think I really realised how bad it was until I typed this. He really has over stepped the mark here.... taken it to a different level. He'll be feeling all sorry for himself now that I drove him to it.

Bastard.

'He'll be feeling all sorry for himself now that I drove him to it.

Bastard.'

Yep, that about sums it up. Trying to make people feel guilty about how YOU feel is pretty lame.

oops sorry missed this before. My Mum and Dad are divorced and my Sister died, so my Mums family are cut off from him and so am i now and I am cut off from all my dads family too, but they are all nutnutnutters

Bin him Toothache ! He does not DESERVE you! I have not spoken to my horrid father for 5 years now and although my sisters do - they dont even like him and i feel its all so fake. I feel much better about self since i have cut off all ties...good luck with whatever you do!

Wooohoooo!! I managed to get out of going to site with him today. I'm on HO and won't have to back to site now until Monday or Tuesday.

I sent him an email yesterday to tell him, but he still hasn't read it. I spoke to my Mum yesterday and she passed on the message. I'm quite angry at my Mum for all this too.

When I tried to speak to her about this she just said "I don't want involved". I felt like saying "I didn't want fucking involved with a bastard like that but YOU didn't give your 4 kids a fucking choice!!!".... but I didn't. I hope I can let go of this bitterness toward my Mum, it can only fester.

Toothache - you poor thing. I agree with anorak et al - thank goodness you have another job in the wings. Everyone's said it all really - but fwiw, just because he is biologically your father, it doesn't mean he deserves you as a daughter - from the sounds of things he f**ked up that privilege a long time ago. I would say enough is enough. And I'm not surprised you're angry at your Mum too - but that sounds like a relationship you want to hang on to, so you're right - try not to let it fester: though I think she at least owes you the opportunity to talk about it all.

Thank you Batters. My Mum isn't out of it yet. She is still living at home, but Womens Aid advised her to tell the Council she was living with me so she could be declared homeless. So my Dad still does not know she is making moves to leave him. He's just carrying on being a twat regardless.

My Mum says he's been very nice to everyone for the last 2 days, but this is typical of him. He'll get my Mum and 2 Brothers feeling sorry for him and then I'll be the big bad person.

Then he'll apologise and say "If you don't accept my apology then you will be the one carrying this on". Then what do I say????? I don't want an apology, I want him to beg forgiveness for all the horrible things he has said to me for years.

an apology isn't an apology unless he means it and i always tell my dh and kids that sorry means i will try not to do it again.

sorry your having a crap time. glad you have a new fab well paid wonderful job waiting for you - buy a new car and stick two fingers up as you drive by smiling !

xx

He shows the typical pattern of an abuser - blame someone else for the behaviour, guilt the other person and try to manipulate their self-esteem. I had a boyfriend like this, and he lasted all of about 2 weeks before I told him he was an abusive fuckwit who needed help.

The sooner you move on, the better.

Honestly, I'd consider ignoring him entirely once you changed jobs and once your mum's out, I'd cease having ALL contact w/him.

Hi toothache...

god, cannot get over how familiar all of that sounds!!! am going through similar rubbish atm too... so don't worry you're not alone!! All i can say is, i agree with advice above... the man is a chump me thinks... good luck and i wish you lots of happiness in the future, i'm sure you'll get it, your dad, i'm not so sure!

Thanks K&F.

Well, I'm on site today.... he's chosen to sit in the other room thankfully. DH ran me here this morning and he just chirped "morning" when I walked in.

It's going to be a loooooonnnnnng day.
Please wish me lots of patience and tolerance today.

hope this week goes as quickly as possible

Me too fio2.

D'you know after that day he went home and told my Mum AND my 2 Brothers what he had done, but told it like I had driven him to it.

I haven't time to rad all the answers - so this is in response to the first post.

I definitely think you need to take this up with the management or personnel. You wouldn't take that type of treatment from anyone else, so just because he happens to be your father you don't need to take it either.

As a professional he should not be acting like that with anyone - and that issue needs to be dealt with.

Hi Toothache, I wish I was able to give some good advice to you but I'm afraid you'll have to make do with my best wishes and I really hope that finishing up at the end of the week will be a turning point for you. Good luck

Hello, TA - how's it going so far? Just found your thread here and your dad is an abusive bully that doesn't deserve a relationship with you - at least not until he sees how much hurt and anger he's caused you and your family over the years and tries to make up for it somehow.

Sending you a big hug for putting up with such disgusting behaviour and another hug for your turning out a caring, obviously loving woman despite having such an abusive bully for a father!

Thanks SF. THings are okay. He's just avoided me most of the day. There are plenty other people here today so it's not too awkward. He is chirping on like nothing has happened. He disgusts me. Sometimes I even feel sorry for him!! His father committed suicide when he was 17.... and he was very public about it.... sat my Dad and his 2 sisters (13 and 19 at the time) down and told them he wanted to kill himself because their Mum was driving him to it (my granny is a lovely woman).

Only 3 days to go!

TA, my Dh went through similar stuff wtih his parents all his life (sounds very similar indeed), then when they split up in January they pushed him into a nervous breakdown that almost cost him his life. Please keep yourself safe (mentally and physically). Focus on the eighth (only a week to go!!!) and look after yourself.

Well he's started on me again!

The phone rang and it was a Contractor looking for payment. He had 'instructed' me earlier on to lie to this guy and tell him that he wasn't in the office. So I did. But he phoned back and I didn't recognise him (actually I did, but wasn't about to lie for him again!!!).

Anyway.... the phone call was a nasty one. Arguing about money.... shouting etc. When he came off the phone he came stomping through and shouted (in front of our client) "WHY DID YOU PUT HIIM THROUGH TO ME??? DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.....I REALLY DIDN'T NEED THAT TODAY!"

I just said I didn't recognise him.... and that it's not my fault the guy wants paid. Luckily the client stepped in there and took my Dad outside to talk about something else.

2 more days folks..... 2 more days. Thankfully I'm off tomorrow.