Feeling numb

[dollyeyes]

Just wondered what other mumsnetters think of my situation as I have no one else to confide in.

The weekend just gone dh's sister came to stay and went and got some shopping with dh and the kids .I should say i suffer from anxiety and sometimes have problems going out.On their return his sister put away the shopping with me and proceeded to tidy up my fridge.She found a couple of out of date things .Nothing more was said.

Also dh's family are planning a weekend away somewhere abroad in september for his mum's birthday.His sister is orgainising this and mentioned nothing about it all weekend.

Tonight dh comes in and starts to tell me his sister sent him an e mail at work about the plans for this weekend and they need to get it booked.
I felt under so much pressure,i felt sick.I must explain i am seeing a therapist for agrophobia and depression.Dh then went on about the flight etc.I am having difficultly getting to the local shop with the kids and coping at the moment much more getting on a plane.
I was stunned and asked he realised what he was asking of me,and he said i was up my own arse and i was being awkward.I just feel so ignored.His sister knows i am seeing atherapist and things are difficult for me at the moment.Then they talk together and arrange everything ,why not disscuss it when she was here at the weekend.

My dh then went on to say he was so embaressed at the weekend that his sister found out of date things in our fridge and what do i do all day that i can't keep the fridge tidy.
Then he said i was'nt taking my responsibiltues seroiusly and i could have poisened the children with out of date food!!
I t was 2 tubs of creme fraiche fgs and i am with them all the time they are 4 and 2 they would'nt have eaten it.

I can't do this anymore this is just an example of a long line of put downs about my mothering skills.I might add he had a drink and this is normally when i get these kind of remarks.
Then it's back to normal again.I never know day to day what he will accuse me of next.
I can't forgive some of the things he says especially where the kids are concerned.I do my best everyday by them despite not being able to cope and wanting to run away !!!I adore them they are my life.

I really frightened myself tonight when he was going on at me from the lounge .I was in the kitchen and just picked up a table knife and started to scrape my wrists and saying shut up ,shut up.
I have never done anything like this before but i just wanted him to stop abusing me mentally.

i told you i am here if you need to chat and see..........i meant it ,,i do know what your going though mentaly and i know how hopeless you think it is.......listen i have a taxi waiting i will find yo uwhen i come back cat me!

I think your dh sounds desperately unhappy. Whilst I can see that nitpicking about the fridge is out of order perhaps the organising the weekend without you was because he know you're finding things hard to cope with at the moment? Perhaps he is trying to take the pressure off you by not discussing all the planning in front of you. It sounds like going to counselling together might be an idea.

Thanks listmaker and raspberry for your advice.

I want to confide in my therapist,i have in the past but things were going quite well and i was managing to get out with the children on my own and my confidece was lifted.I adore my children and they come first which is why i need to get myself sorted to be the mother i should be.My therapist is always saying i have great kids and am doing a fab job she has no concerns for them and that i handle my anxiety around them really well.

I have got some ADS but have not started taking them as i am sacred to.I just feel i was getting on fine without them then dh messes my head up again.Maybe he should be the one on medication!!!

I know i need to say NO more ofen and stand up for myself it's just when his mother and sister were here i did'nt want to upset them.It took me everything to keep from telling them how i really felt.Dh would not have appriciated me upsetting them.But i guess it 's ok if i get upset!!

I really feel i can't handle the trip abroad at the moment.My ds starts school in sept and am getting anxious about that and will be really dificult for me.I can't do this trip i am not together enough.His family will expect me to go as mil wants everyone together but i can't handle the constant criticism and his family are all so confident and outgoing i just feel not good enough.
Why can't dh see this?

Compo-I can see that it must be difficult for him at the moment the way i am.But i am improving and helping myself.Then i just fel i do nothing wrong and i still get criticized.
I still think there is no excuse for saying t5e hurtful thjings he does.I know in agruements people say awful things,i do it myself.But to say he will have me sectioned is so personal and unforgiveable.I am guilty of having depression at the moment and am getting help,hardly a crime!!!!!

AS far as the trip goes his sistr is very confident and controlling and wants to organise everything.Dh would know i would find this difficult at the moment and i had told his sister about the therapist helping me to get out at the moment.How can they then just plan everything for me and the children knowing that.It's like they have listened and thought ok then gone ahead anyway!!The thought of this trip terrifys me.
His family are very strong charectersa and think everyone should drop everything to be there.

Thanks barefootangel for your support xxx

Hi Dollyeyes, please give the AD's a go they really might help you.

Your situation sounds very familiar to me (I'll try to be brief), whilst pg with DS2 I had low blood pressure which made me feel dizzy and sick, I also suffered from IBS and in the end I started panicing whilst out on my own and not wanting to go out without DH. I hid these feelings from everyone and just made up excuses for not going anywhere. Luckily DH was off sick from work so could take DS1 to school etc...

It was/is difficult to explain to people because I don't understand it myself, I eventually couldn't hide it any more and told DH (he just thought I was lazy ), we went to the GP and he prescribed AD's (last November) and put me forward for CBT - I haven't had that yet. Some of my family and friends know. Luckily we run a B&B so I don't have to go out. I have forced myself to attend all of DS1's school plays etc... I actually am feeling a lot better and have been out a lot more but I have found it has to be when I want to go out or spur of the moment so I don't have time to get stressed about it.

It is difficult for DH, frustrating for him as I'm not the outgoing person he married, it must be pretty boring for him, I would love to go abroad again and I might this winter (fingers crossed) At the moment I feel great and I think it's the AD's finally kicking in.

Sorry I've gone on for so long, I haven't posted about this before on here, but felt compelled to when I read your story. Please CAT me if you would like to talk as I can't imagine how hard this is for you without a supportive husband

Thanks bubblerock-your situation sounds very much how i feel.I have to build myself up just to go out to the shops.I will give the ads some more thought.
I know what you mean about making excuses for not going out,but as you say as far as the children are concerned it is very difficult.Taking them to school etc.
I find my cbt very helpful.My therapsit is properly the only person who understands my way of thinking and that is a huge support.

I hope your cbt goes well for you when you start it.
Well done for getting out more.What seems like a small thing for anyone else is a major thing when you are feeling anxious.
Thanks for your support xx

Do you have support from any family or friends? Don't let them bully you into doing anything you're not happy with, it's so difficult because as with a lot of 'mental health' issues you are unable to see the disability so you don't get the same offers of support as, for example, someone who had 2 broken legs and couldn't physically get to the shops. Where abouts are you? - sorry if you've already said, I have skimmed through some of it

Bubblerock-I am in East Anglia.
I lost my parents a few years ago and my oldest brother 2 years ago.I have sisters nearby but they both work and have their own commitments.My niece is very supportive and calls round when she cans.She has a family herself and lives about 40 mins away.My family don't know the whole story and feel like i am betraying dh to tell them.

I did make friends with a mother from pre school ,her son is at pre school another year and my ds goes to primary school in sept.I have her e mail so sholud get in touch with her for a meet up.I have lost contact with friends where i used to work.MIL does ring up and asks about the children but lives in Ireland and hardly ever visits,is always left to us to visit them.
Itry and explain to her but she dismisses my depression and anxiety and i think she thinks i am being awkward.

I di manage to go over to Ireland last aug and again this year in march ,but was under so much pressure to do so.My dh said last time he would take the children himself so i felt i had to do it.
I told him last night i am not going to be blackmailed into going this time.I can't handle a trip abroad for a family party which i know will be stressful going on past visits and no one understands my anxiety and i get no help with the children.Mil always makes me feel like the children are in the way and criticizes how they eat,what amount they eat etc.
I will have to try and explain this to dh but i know from past experience as far as his family are concerned he will see it as me being ungratful and awkward.

am back!! hello

Hi barefootangel-How has your day been?

Have had a chat with my therapsit today and she is coming round next week.
Kids are starting to play up ,it's that time of day which i call the "mad hours"
Will be back on mumsnet tonight when i've got the kids in bed.
Will you be around this evening?

Thanks for checking up on me xx

no worries,,,took my mum shopping[shes in a wheelchair] had lunch at a delli [yummy ham and cheese pannina bread] frothy coffee. brought my self a chunky hert junk jelwery necklace and coped with two of my dds being hyper...so and gold star for me..tonight depends on what time dh comes home,,but if you need to rant email me and i will answer when possible ,or rant even if you dont need an answer

heart not hert!

are you in essex?

I just popped on to say hello too, I will hopefully get back on later although we have guests so I may be in the bar - oh woe me, it's such a hard life

Have you been on any agorophobia sites online and are there any groups near you? Hopefully chat later xx

ooh bubble rock line me up an archers and lemonade...where are you?

Hi Dollyeyes, I felt compelled to post on your thread because I have some experience of a similar situation. Sadly, my mum suffered with panic attacks - clinical depression and agraphobia for several years....her family also were very strong characters who really did dismiss the notion of any kind of phobia/depression. I really understand the isolation you must be feeling. You must not (in my opinion) go on this trip - your anxiety will soar and nothing is worth putting yourself through that for. As previously pointed out by another MNer it sounds to me as if your DH is unhappy and frustrated he can't help you. Thankfully I have never suffered with depression but am pretty certain I had a panic attack on holiday last year - and it was very real and absolutely terrifying. What you are feeling is very real and you must not be undermined. AD's really did help my mum, so I'm certain the right sort will for you.
Good luck, Dollyeyes.
By the way, I'm in East Anglia too.

morning