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living with the dad but not together...????

7 replies

jo82 · 30/06/2003 22:43

i am in such a predicament, any suggestions/advice would be gratefully recieved.

very long story, found out i was pregnant at 5mnths, after a fling which ended shortly after ds was created.

TRIED to remain friends with the dad who seems to finally (ds is 6 mnths) be coming round to the fact that he has a son however only see each other every couple of months because we live far away.

we are both returning to our last year at university next year and the only way that i can afford to move back to london (where my course is) is to move in with someone. Daddy has suggested we move in together.

he has hinted big style that he wants us to give it a proper go and (in a drunken convo) even told me that he loves me. i have agreed but only if seperate rooms.

it will be great for ds to grow up around his dad and we were always fantastic friends but im not sure if it will work and dont want to jeopardise the relationship that we have rebuilt. the sex was never really that good either!!!

any ideas????

OP posts:

jasper · 30/06/2003 23:25

My gut feeling is it has to be worth a go. If you can stay fantastic friends whatever else does or does not develop you will be in a healthier relationship than many of the marrieds I know.
(Sorry if that sounds negative but various married friends' worlds are collapsing around me right now)
Best of luck.


Britabroad · 30/06/2003 23:41

Give it a go. Can always tell ds that you tried if it does fail.
Agree with jasper on this one.


SoupDragon · 01/07/2003 07:32

Yes, give it a go as friends and just see what happens.


aloha · 01/07/2003 07:50

I'd say give it a go. If you don't make it work at at least he will have had a chance to truly bond with your ds and this will pay dividends for the rest of his life IMO. I think you are right to be cautious,but at least this decision can be reversed. He can also (I very much hope) share childcare which will mean more freedom for you. I think you should talk this through very carefully before you move in however, so you don't both go into this with different expectations. Also you should discuss caring for your ds in detail. Will you expect him to share childcare or would you resent him 'muscling in'. Do you think you'd do things (feeding, bathing, sleeps) differently? If so, get an agreement before you move in. The last thing you want is lots of arguments.


fio2 · 01/07/2003 08:03

agree with aloha, it sounds like a good idea if you both know where you stand beforehand. Also if you are living together as friends what are the implications going to be if either of you meet anyone else?


aloha · 01/07/2003 09:25

Good point Fio2.


mmm · 01/07/2003 13:38

How about drawing up a contract with the help of a mediator so you both have clear ideas of what's on or not? If it works it'll be great for ds and hopefully for you too.

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