so angry with let-me-down partner

[motherlovebone]

has DS end of 2008,
DH out of the house til 8-9pm most nights, zero help when present, except to change the odd nappy.
fast forward a year, i think im depressed, basically a single mum as DH home so little, really struggling, baby still not sleeping through.
arguments all the time DH is home, ended up kicking him out about 2 months ago because of the complete lack of respect for me / my DD / DS.
he is house sharing with someone who i dont approve of.
DH was meant to be here friday to relieve me, didnt show, though did answer his phone and seemed to be at a party.
i was like 'WTF!!' and he hung up, and started ignoring my calls.
i left a string of abusive messages on his ansafone, he got back to me at 1pm ish and said he doesnt want to see DS anymore because of me (im such a bitch)
he hasnt got a clue, im really at the end of my rope, i have no support with the children bar one kind friends very occasional babysit for DS.
DS still not sleeping through, DH hasnt given me money for 2 weeks, am just muddling through, feeling very angry/distressed/tired.
prior to the lastest, he told me not to phone him unless im in a good mood.
im not enjoying my children or my life really, i know something needs to change (but what?)
i just want him to help and understand, but hes not going to is he?
he is 31 btw.
me 34.

well no,he's not going to understand,you've k? wayicked him out!!

perhaps talk calmly? address issues that

gosh what an idiot.

sorry you are going through this. i am on my own with non sleeping ds too - dh is working and stranded in france now.

sleep deprivation can really wreck you, but try not to let your dh get to you.
don't let the bastard grind you down. enjoy your little one and let his bad behaviour wash off your back for a while - seems he needs to grow up a bit so you need to keep your cool and ignore him a bit so he can realise what an idiot he is.

as for lack of support, can you visit family for a bit?

you will get through this

I think to all intents and purposes you are a single parent.

Stop even trying to get him to support you- hold your head up high and cope alone.

Hes a shit,a waste of your efforts.

Write a list down of things you need to do.
Try and address these one by one.

There is support out there,financial and emotional - speak to your health visitor and try to get control of your life.

my dad is coming for lunch tomorrow, but is not any help really.
mum is toxic and wont help.

i know i will get through it, the children are relying on me, but i just feel so wretched.

thanks for being kind Kalo, wishing you strength until DH returns.

do you work? i would put in a csa claim ....might shock him into something

Can you ask your dad to mind the kids for an hour so you can have a nice bath or nap or a walk on your own?

am not claiming benefits, though will have to look into it next week.
the bills are piling up, and the money is dwindling.

im dreading it tbh.

Do you have a local Sure Start centre? Can you speak to them and/or council childrens department see of you can find out what help about and to give you chance to meet others mums? Also can you speak to
local CAB?

You made very brave decision not to have such an absolute arse in your life. Many mums aren't in a position to do that. Take courage from that. And then make moves to ensure you depend on him for nothing and bring your kids up to be better than he will ever be.

oh my dh is useless - more of an au pair really.

get yourself to some mum and baby groups, chatting with others is supportive in itself, and will keep lo entertained for a bit.

don't phone your dh, let him wonder what you are up to.

can your dad give you some money? what do his parents say on the matter?

i know i shouldnt phone him, im just so bloody angry. i cant believe this latest stunt, its low, even for a tosser like him.

his parents speak Russian so i dont know what they say, dont really have contact unless hes here, on skype.

money wise, i have child benefit & DD maintenance money tiding us over.

there is a baby group that i go to, but it hasnt been open in hols.

will try Surestart and H.V. on monday.

thanks to all posters thus far, im getting a better perspective.

you can also get in touch with your local MIND group for free counselling to vent some of that anger - i went for pnd and it was great.

you have to actively put positive things in your life - watch uplifting films, sing etc etc.

he's a bloody idiot - i am sure he will regret this and come snivelling back soon enough

Yes what Kalo said. Try and find a bit of joy in
every day. 5 mins with uninterrupted coffee and magazine. Bit of fresh air. Whatever makes you happy. But make sure you do have bit of happiness every day.

Great advice thankyou, am taking notes.

hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes.

Yes be prepared for the fact that once you stop calling him and caring where he is, he will start being a lot more interested in what you're up to. Do not tell him more than details about the kids. Is none of his business and cool indifference is the very most he deserves. And try not to make any more angry phonecalls. I know it's hard, especially when you are under such pressure, but try really hard to rose above him, do not let him see he still upsets you.