Dh has told me he has a drink problem and wants to see a counsellor. Any advice please?

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He is a binge drinker and has done it for years. He has never admitted to having a problem before and has always tried to play it down.

I would like to know from people who have been through this what would you recommend? There is a local organisation which offers counselling, but also what about AA?

Hi. I can't say that I have been through this but I am seeing a counsellor at the moment for a different reason. However, we have discussed alcohol in my sessions and maybe this will be helpful to you.

My counsellor is of the opinion that AA is far too rigid - he disagrees that 'once an alcoholic always an alcoholic' and thinks that being in control of what you drink is much healthier, much the same as being in control of other aspects in your life.

By banning something completely, it makes it all the more interesting but it also makes it a continuing issue. For example, would your DH want to avoid social situations in the future because he 'wasn't allowed' to drink?

Is he intending to give up drink immediately? If he is then all the best to him but if not, maybe he could keep a drink diary so he can actually see just how many units he is consuming - that alone could be a reality check for him. Whilst he may well be fit and healthy now, excessive drink will affect him in the future of that you can be sure.

For those reasons I would suggest that he seeks counselling rather than the AA. It may well be worth him paying a visit to his GP in the meantime for a health check. I hope it all goes well for you both.

Would he be willing to go to an AA meeting as well as counselling?. Counselling may be just a short term measure and once such counselling ceases he may go back to the old ways/habits. He needs to show actions as well as words. Words are cheap.

If he has an ongoing problem with alcohol he should not be drinking alcohol at all; alcoholics do not have the ability to drink any alcohol socially. Alcohol is a cruel mistress and such people cannot control their drink; its the other way around.
If you drink alcohol with him stop this behaviour as it can be seen as enabling behaviour. Make your home an alcohol free one. You also play a role here.

Just as importantly here what about your own self; you need support too. Al-anon can be helpful and are specifically for family members/friends of problem drinkers. I would suggest you make contact with them and read their literature.

My DH is an alcoholic and AA has transformed our lives. He has been sober for just over 3 years with the support of AA. I personally agree that alcoholics cannot and should not drink; allowing a problem drinker to drink "socially" leads to dangerous situations.

What we have found is that after 3 years DH is now more than happy to spend time at social occasions where alcohol is present. He knows what to do if he fancies a drink, and has developed all sorts of strategies for coping.

Personally, I'd avoid organisations that claim that social drinking can be learned. If he was capable of it he would be doing it already, wouldn't he?

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I received fantastic help from an NHS service called CAT (Community Alcohol Team). I was referred to them through my GP. The only condition (that I remember) was that I understood that I could not drink again once I started the programme. Would DH be prepared for this?

At CAT I had an outpatient medical detox so I could safely withdraw from alcohol, group therapy 3 times a week and weekly CBT. It was intensive for the first 6 weeks and then tailed off to just one weekly one-to-one counselling session. At these sessions I learnt how to live a sober life.

I did try AA before I went to my GP but I didn't like the sociable atmosphere and wasn't ready for it. I know loads of people who have recovered through AA though, so definitely wouldn't discount it.

Hope this helps. Anything else you want to know, please ask.

Thank you all for the replies.

I had a discussion with him about it today and he said he no longer feels he can control it. He has been through a period of accepting that his behaviour is problematic, but thinking that he could limit it. Today he said that this was not the case.

He said that he becomes completely selfish on drink and reaches a stage where he does not care about the consequences and the effect on his family. He said he does not want this to happen any more.

He also acknowleged that there appears to be a cyclical pattern to it.

Attilla - I hardly drink any more and will happily not drink around him and will get rid of the drink in the house.

I think he might go to AA - I'm guessing that the sociable thing is something that might attract him to it as he is worried about what he will do to replace the social aspect of drinking.