Husband has child with other woman

[0124oconn]

I have managed to confirm what I always suspected after finding a photo of a girl with my husband. We have been toghether for 16 years - married 10 with no children. He had an affair several years ago and we seem to have rebuilt everything but finding this photo means I can't continue to bury my head in the sand and pretend that everthing is OK. I want my marriage to work but it obviously is not and I am sick of being lied to. Anyone got any advice.

Wow. Leave.

I think you need to end this marriage for both your sakes. TBH I am getting the impression that you have been doing everything in your power to hang on to this man even though you no longer love or like him, but because you can't bear to give up or be seen to 'lose', and after this much time you can push his guilt buttons. Are you, in fact, hanging on to him to punish him indefinitely for his affair? Whichever the answer, this is an awful way to live, it will corrode you completely. Make as clean a break as you can, and start building the life you want.

Is this child a result of the affair or is she from a relationship after the affair? i.e no sex = no child with you so...

I'm curious as to how a partner can hide something like this from the person they live with.

Could you elaborate on your suspicions, and what he told you he was doing whilst you think he was with this child?

how long ago was said affair? How old is child? Are you sure this is child from original affair if the child is only 4 or 5 now? Or is it an old photo?

also you have nothing to lose by asking him outright. who is the pic, why did hbe not tell you. Who went on the day out. Gicve him a chance to come clean with the whole story.

If you get denial or bullshit then kick him straight out the door.

You have invested 16 years to a liar quite possibly.

I think you need to know the truth, confront him with the photo.

oh sweet jesus, 0124 I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this.

Similar thing happened with an ex-colleague of mine... but she was the OW. Out of the blue the father of her DD turned up unannounced at our office, having got the address from an email she'd sent him that the W had discovered.

The W wanted to know that this woman was not going to break up her family. she wasn't, the baby's father was certainly not involved with the OW, he'd had his fun, but she got pg.

If your DH didn't want to be with you, and had someone else up his sleeve, with a DC, believe me, he'd have gone before now.

Hoping you are OK and wishing you all the best.

16 years? did you never want children together? both of you? How old are you now? It is most certainly possible for a man to have a little family and the wife not to know, for years. I dont know how he got away with it either.....

At 37, you still have time to have children on your own or with someone else if you want.

Sorry to ask a sensitive question but are you sure you don't mind not having children?
Perhaps you suppress your desire to have children in order to keep him happy? Does he worth such a sacrifice?

thats what I was thinking. Amongst my circle of couple friends that dont have children, I always get the impression that one half isnt completely sure. Please think long and hard what you really want yourself. I mean, is he getting the best of both worlds?