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Original poster

vasectomy. what does he need to know.

18 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/04/2010 23:57

i think its high time DH bit the bullet and had this done. im 38, with a complete family and he is 45 and says he feels the same.

the onus has always been on me to take the pill. i stopped that a year ago and feel heaps better for it, so we have been using condoms. i dont mind, but last weekend he had to go hunting on top of the kitchen cupboards in the dark with a hard on because we had hidden them out of the shopping delivery from the kids

he says he hasnt done it cos he thought i wasnt sure 100% about having more kids, and while its true it all feels a bit final, my youngest is 13 and my eldest is 18. i dont think i could do all that again at my age. i had kids young, i think im over that part of my life now and want to enjoy the here and now without the constraints another baby would bring. plus im just starting a career path, which ive no intention of breaking for another baby!

so - what does he do? i think he is scared tbh...do i just make chicken noises at him till he goes

OP posts:

Boco · 16/04/2010 00:01

Just go to the gp and make an appointment! Dp had it done about 6 weeks ago. We went together - it took about ten minutes and didn't hurt. Afterwards it was mildly uncomfortable for a day - by the sounds of it no worse than period pain for us. It really was very easy and painless.

There was a moment walking down the street immediately afterwards when he was worried that everything might fall out of the hole - but it didn't.

PigeonPie · 16/04/2010 08:02

PP marks place as she thinks her DH needs the info too!

StepSideways · 16/04/2010 08:28

Well of course he's scared, thats an important part of his body which is going to be interfered with, unless he's remarkably thick skinned I wouldn't go for chicken noises, some men can have it done and not have any particular hang up about it, but trying to force him to have an operation like that it about as ethical as pushing someone into having an abortion.

The idea of having a vasectomy may make him feel incomplete, like he's no longer actually a man, considering how old your kids are he may well not want more kids, but regardless may feel.. im finding it hard to articulate here... but basically there's a difference between not wanting more kids and being willing to lose the ability to do so..

mumwifemaggie · 16/04/2010 09:11

After my 2 DC I decided I didn't want another one, DH always wanted another so I decided I'd be the one to be sterilized. I'd had problems with the pill and wanted something non hormonal. Anyway, long story short, we had another DD a year and a half after the sterilization. She's a complete blessing and I wouldn't wish it any other way. After she was born I made my DH go for the snip. It took him a year to buck up the nerve but he did it for me. His op took over an hour and he was in agony for about 3 weeks afterwards. I felt really bad that I'd made him do this but I didn't think I could go thru with having another baby. I don't think I'd do it this way again if we had the choice!

deaddei · 16/04/2010 09:18

My dh had one when he was 45, and although we'd discussed it- I'd been on the pill for 20 odd years- it took another couple of years for him to go and have one. I didn't nag him so much as point out that another child would be a disaster, I was sick of being on the pill, and felt it was his turn to take some responsibility for contraception.
He cried afterwards- not so much from discomfort, but because he was scared- he'd never been in hospital before and certainly had not had anything invasive.
No complications- (the surgeon was a Mr Dick!) and no regrets.
But it IS a big thing for men as it's probably the first operation they'll have.

Malificence · 16/04/2010 10:01

DH had his last summer, he found the procedure OK but then had severe pain and massive swelling after a couple of days and was off work for a week (in agony), he was back to normal within about 3 weeks.

Apparently the left vas tube feels a lot worse than the right , no matter which order they are cut - the doctor told him he didn't know why that should be but it's always the case.

There are a few techniques and the most effective is when the ends of the vas are buried in the scrotal tissue after cutting, our consultant had not had any failures in over 10 years, which was reassuring.
It took DH a long time to get clear, don't believe the 20 ejaculation speil, it's more like 50 - for some reason men over 40 take longer to clear.
Vasectomy information.com has a lot of useful and very graphic pictures and marie stopes has a video of a vasectomy.

Men just aren't used to their bits being invaded in the way we women are, so it is a big deal for them.

ThisIsSpatchcocked · 16/04/2010 10:24

Just dont forget to get the followup clearance tests done!! they say you should protect for at least a year until the tests are clear!!

LadyLapsang · 16/04/2010 10:41

Hi there,

If what you say is true, that he was not 100% certain about having more children then he needs to think about this first. If, on the other hand you are totally certain that you don't want any more, you can choose to get sterilized yourself. Though agree it would an easier op for him & it seems that you have taken the bulk of the responsibility for contraception so far, so that seems fairer.
When he goes to see the GP he will need to be sure his family is complete and in the event of a marital breakdown he will not want to father a child with a new partner otherwise I very much doubt he will be referred.
On the practical side my husband had a day or two off work & they did the op in a lovely new wing, better than the private patient wing, whilst us mums had to put up with much more basic facilities in the same hospital for maternity care.

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/04/2010 12:38

thanks for all this info ladies - i think ill show him this thread and so he can see the cold hard facts for himself and then decide.

i wont be getting it done as i cannot take any time off sick at the min - ive got to have a clear sick record prior to getting my start date for the police, and i thought for a women the procedure was much more invasive? not that that would bother me, but i just cannot take time off yet.

ill show him this (if he wants any info! maybe he is better not knowing!)

OP posts:

LadyLapsang · 16/04/2010 13:10

Your right, sterilization is more invasive for a women, but if he is undecided upon such a permanent course of action then you will both have to think again. Maybe you could consider other forms of contraceptive, mini pill, cap, coil etc.

doggiesayswoof · 16/04/2010 13:25

I know individual anecdotes are not much use here, but DH had his vasectomy last year (he was 40) and it was a great decision for us

He was sore afterwards - not just uncomfortable - for about a week. He was warned that some men get a lot more swelling than others and there is a small chance of infection. He didn't experience this.

There is some information out there about men who have persistent pain for years afterwards - but if you ask the medics they will probably deny this happens. DH was a bit concerned about reading this (very vague unsubstantiated stuff on the web) but he went ahead anyway and no problems so far.

It is really really good not having to use condoms or worry about contraception failing.

doggiesayswoof · 16/04/2010 13:29

I would suggest though that he probably shouldn't watch a video of the procedure online - that would put anybody off...

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/04/2010 22:41

i think you are misunderstanding ladylapsang

he is sure

he thought that i wasnt. thats what had stopped him. (as i said in my OP.)

he doesnt want more kids at all, but he thought i might, so he didnt do anything. im absolutely certain i dont want any more so i think we are safe

OP posts:

wilbur · 16/04/2010 22:47

Some quotes from dh about his vasectomy:

"when he takes his specimen in to be tested afterwards, he'll have to ring a bell and announce what he's bringing in in front of a load of old dears..... when he's lying on the slab, they will frame his penis in operating theatre scrubs and then people will stand around and look at it while The Scissor Sisters is playing on the radio.... they will rummage around his balls a lot and pull on things... sadly, a pretty girl does not come and shave you"

Does that help?

Original poster

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/04/2010 23:58

somethings gotta give though..and having been on the pill for 20 years its his turn.

actually really didnt realise that some men have problems afterwards, i wouldnt wish that on him so i guess we have some thinking to do.

OP posts:

wilbur · 17/04/2010 13:59

On a more serious note - dh had no problems afterwards - 2 very swollen balls (of which he was perversely proud ) for about 24 hrs, but pain totally fine with a bit of paracetamol. And it has massivly improved our sex life - I was unable to take the pill due to blood clotting issues, and am mildly allergic to latex so other forms of contraception not great. We are now free to be spontaneous and just not worry, it's bliss and dh is much happier too.

Malificence · 17/04/2010 14:19

Vicar, it's worth a few days of discomfort, DH was just unlucky, but he got to spend a week with his feet up on the sofa being looked after by a very guilty-feeling me.
Nobody else we know has had that level of pain/swelling , most blokes seem to be fine after a couple of days.
A tip we found out (too late unfortunately) was to support the scrotum with a large sanitary towel and wear the tightest pants or swimming trunks. DH wears boxers and didn't wear them in bed the first couple of nights.
DH found doing the test samples far more difficult, he just couldn't "produce" into a plastic tub, the last time we used a non-spermicidal condom and cheated!

Karmann · 17/04/2010 14:40

It certaanly makes life easier. Unfortunately my H is one of the ones that has had constant pain since having it done about 15 years ago. He's been to the GP and they told him it is caused by scar tissue.

Mind you, given his recent behaviour if he didn't already have a pain in his balls he'd have a worse one by now!

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