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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

boyfriend has left me...

29 replies

Robin2010 · 15/04/2010 19:13

Hi, my name is Robin. I am six months pregnant and I have broken up with my boyfriend a month ago...his best friend wants to date me and says he doesn't mind that I am pregnant, is this a good idea? his dad is also showing an interest and not sure how I feel about that...I am 20 going to be 21 soon, I HAVE a son, a year and half old. Help!!! thanks

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 15/04/2010 19:14

Robin.....welcome ...but really,i think you'll be better off alone.no man needed really

mrsboogie · 15/04/2010 19:19

who's dad? good lord! I don't think you should be dating anyone, let alone these blokes' dads.

Presumably you have now been left holding the baby by two men now? You need to concentrate on your kids and stop bringing new men into their lives.

I realise that this sounds very patronising and you must put me right if I have the wrong end of the stick but you are very young and any mistakes you make now will stay with you and your kids for ever.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 15/04/2010 19:20
Biscuit
Indith · 15/04/2010 19:20
Biscuit
mrsboogie · 15/04/2010 19:34

what?

poshwellies · 15/04/2010 19:38

I wouldn't be jumping into a new relationship now or anytime soon.

You have a lot to deal with at your age-focus on your ds and the one on the way.

lifesabeach · 15/04/2010 19:49

personally i would focus on something far more important-your unborn child and yourself.the love you give and receive from him/her will always far outweigh the love from anybody else. what ever you choose to do, be happy and enjoy being a great mum

LisaD1 · 15/04/2010 19:57

I honestly think you should step back from all relationships at the moment and concentrate on the people that matter, you, your DS and unborn child.

You are only young and will have plenty of time to find a decent man. Don't rush things.

Original poster
Robin2010 · 16/04/2010 02:38

Hi, it's me robin, I have been reading the responses and thanks to all. it gets lonely sometimes and tiring. the older guy says he can help me out and be there for me. He said he doesn't care if I am pregnant and that I owe it to my baby and young son to give someone a chance, my tummy is pretty big right now, my first son was almost nine pounds. It is very confusing...i think the dad is 47 or around there, maybe a bit younger, hes a nice guy, been divorced for four years. Any more advice? I am surprised it doesnt bother him that I am pregand, he teased me the other day and said I couldnt get any more pregnant so that was a good thing?? not sure what he meant. Robin

OP posts:
ZacharyQuack · 16/04/2010 02:47

Is "date" a euphemism for "shag"?

BitOfFun · 16/04/2010 02:54

See if there are any forums here?

Original poster
Robin2010 · 17/04/2010 14:09

I am six months pregnant why would a guy want to have sex with me, with my tummy so big? and I dont look that great, doesnt make sense to me or am I wrong? its not his baby!! that would be sick wouldnt it or maybe he does really care about me? help!!! robin

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 17/04/2010 14:12

maybe he's trying to recapture his youth?
also,he's old enough to know that this time next year he'll have caught himself a young girlfriend who is now totally dependent on him,so he can do as he likes with her

robin....do you have your own place?

gothicmama · 17/04/2010 14:14

from what you have said Robin it sounds like he is trying to take advantage of you - keep strong , have you got any friends or family close by who could support you?

GypsyMoth · 17/04/2010 14:16

also,please be aware that there are men out there who do target young women with children,for their own sick reasons

cluckyduck · 17/04/2010 14:50

Do not go near either of these men.

Concentrate on your children, and yourself.

DuelingFanjo · 17/04/2010 14:57
Biscuit
Original poster
Robin2010 · 27/04/2010 19:58

Hi thanks to everyone for your responses, I am trying to be strong, but the older guy came over with flowers and took me out to dinner and bought some stuff for the baby etc. and said he could fix things around my apartment etc. he said that he wants to be in love with someone not just have sex and for him its about communication, not sex...he said he prefers to use the word intimacy, and that I should give someone a chance, hes coming over this weekend to talk about all this, I am nervous but feel obligated to listen, am I doing the right thing?? gosh, so confusing...

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 27/04/2010 20:06

Robin, you are not "obligated" to this man for anything. Please listen to your gut instinct; I suspect you are not emotionally able to make a clear decision at this time.

If you do not want to be involved with this man then tell him (politely but firmly) that you are not interested in him. The longer you leave it the more leverage he has to say, "but I spent a fortune on you and now you tell me you're not interested" ....

Now, repeat after me - NO means NO!

Good luck for the future

AnyFucker · 27/04/2010 20:14

stop taking gifts and other inducements from this man

he sounds seriously strange, tbh and is trying to influence you by buying stuff and talking a load of claptrap

Original poster
Robin2010 · 28/04/2010 12:14

Hi, thanks for getting back. He does seem like a nice guy and I am not having a good relationship with my dad, so he's not help right now. This older guy called and said he might be in love with me but understands that it might not work. He said he wants to "make love" to me and not f _ me, he said bluntly. Will having sex with him harm the baby in any way? just asking, didn't say I would do it...but feeling vulnerable right now. He said I need comfort and reassurance right now, not head games. Wow...he just seems to know what to say...guess I have to choose.
Thanks, if any one has more ideas thats great.
Robin

OP posts:
TheFantasticFixit · 28/04/2010 12:46

Robin, seriously get a grip. You are responsible for two children and you are thinking about sleeping with a man who you don't even particularly like.. while pregnant with his son's child? Dear god, what are you thinking?!

Stop it all now. Get yourself together and tell this older man to piss off. There is something MORE than strange that he wants to be with his son's ex pregnant ex girlfriend. Stop letting him buy you stuff and start seeing through the bullshit of what he is saying to you. If it sounds too good to be true then usually it is!

And finally, ask yourself, at 20, do you want to be with a man approaching 50?

You are better than this.

Polynomial · 28/04/2010 13:06

Robin, you are at a very low point, and this far older man is looking to take advantage and is full of bullsh*t.

Think of your self-respect and say no.

To be blunt he sounds like a dirtyoldman pervert

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 28/04/2010 13:06

As gently as I can say this Robin, has anyone ever described you as a "vulnerable adult"?
Have you ever had any learning disabilities diagnosed, or any social worker involvement?

Can I suggest you have a confidential talk with your midwives and health professionals, who you must be seeing about your pregnancy. Tell them what you have told us and listen to their judgement.

You are being targetted by an extremely predatory man.

justallovertheplace · 28/04/2010 13:08

Riiiight

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