What IS he spending all his money on??

[GoldenCoral]

DP and I have a mutual agreement on the finances that anything comes IN gets split straight down the middle. We both pay the same ammount of bills and both have, in theory the exact same ammount of disposable money at the end of the week.
What I don't understand is, DP is ALWAYS skint. He sometimes has like £17 in his bank account or he'll say he has £3 to last the entire week. Why then, am I managing to save £20 a week in a savings account as well as keeping a £200 safety net in my bank account AND having bits of spare money for clothes etc.
We've worked it out over and over again and the calculations are right. But DP is very secretivive and lies alot. If he looked me in the eye and said "I don't undertstand it" it could well be that he knows EXACTLY what is going on but won't admit it. He has been in lots of debt before. My mum has just asked me "so what DOES he spend his money on?" and I really don't know. He works all day, never goes out on a night, never goes anywhere without me, where COULD the money be going? It doesn't make any sense? He "should" have almost £90 disposable income AFTER EVERYTHING ELSE at the end of the week. So where does it all go?

He has a very basic bank account with no overdraft. He has no credit cards as far as I know but he did tell me he'd recently applied for one to "test his current credit score". He uses his bank card (visa) online for things.

TBH I would agree with the above poster that what he spends his money on is no concern of anyone but him.

The only time it becomes your business is if and when it negatively impacts you or your family - eg if he can no longer pay in his share of the family expenditure, or cover his share of joint purchases.

When I move in with my DF we will have a similar arrangement and I would not take kindly to him quizzing me about what I spend my money on.

Lunches at work? Very easy to rack up a fair amount if he buys lunch every day.

Hi, if hes still contributing to everything the same as you I dont think you need to worry, sounds like he is just balancing his account on 0 rather than +200.
For the holiday, could you set up a similar system where you both put in £20 as soon as you get paid? then you wont need to stress about it.

But is there something else worrying you? The lack of trust and the lying? What do you think is going on?

sounds bad to me. if he's secretive an lies a lot there's more going on than just maths over money. you mentioned he used to gamble, did he get treatment/therapy for this? if not i'd suspect quite a bit of his money goes down the bookies or on slot machines.

£90 a week isn't that much to waste in the general scheme of things. The problem here is the inequality between you, and the fact he claims not to know where it's gone. If you could identify how many snacks, porn films, WOW cheats (or whatever) he was buying, then you could work out a plan.

Assuming you've tried all this and got nowhere, I tend to agree you should carry on saving for your holiday and go without him. A lot of people - myself included - have very complicated feelings about money. It can take hard consequences to get enough logic into us, where we understand that buying A means no B, iyswim.

The only method of saving that's ever worked for me is the tin-on-the-mantelpiece method. Somehow, if I feel it's my choice how much to put in (and it's "only spare change" anyway), I can do it without getting all stressed.

Applying for a credit card to "test his current credit score" is a foolish thing to do. If it is declined it will just add more points against a bad credit rating. I suspect he has applied for and got one or more of those credit cards such as Capital One aimed at people with poor credit ratings (they charge exorbitant interest rates). He could have the statements sent to his place of work, so you won't see them. Dunno what he is spending money on apart from high repayments possibly to fund online gambling.

Is DP discharged from his bankruptcy? It takes at least seven years to clear the bad credit rating. This could have implications on your own credit rating so if you have not looked into this please do get some advice. I really don't want to scare you, but bailiffs do turn up sometimes.

You could apply to a credit rating agency such as Experian, (much as I hate the scheming vultures) to see what financial transactions have been taken out on your address. You can do it online for a nominal fee.

Is DP concerned about where his money goes? Does he have an online banking facility so he can see the transactions? If not try and set it up. Don't be fobbed off if he says, 'it's not allowed for this type of account' 'cos it is.

OP, I can see you are really worried.

On the other hand I would quite like to have £90 'pocket money' per week and no one ask me what I have spent it on.

Sorry, I should have explained I meant it's easy to get through £90 without noticing: 2 Starbucks coffees, 2 pints & a burger each day would do it.

Also, there's a difference between being ostrich-like about money [guilty] and being secretive. I don't know which applies here. If you're pretty sure he's the emotionally-can't-handle-money, ostrich type, then it's worth trying a few tricks like the tin for holiday money. Otoh, if he's getting all cross about your questions, then he could be hiding a gambling problem or similar.

Stopping off for a "massage" on the way home from work?

Heh, Eurostar, that turned out to be how XH#2 managed to 'lose' £60 every single weekday ... lapdancers.

Obviously this is much more complex, but in terms of saving f a hol, as you have both agreed to do, I would suggest altering the way you handle money.
As soon as income comes in, jpintly put the holiday amount into an account that has no debit card on it, and then, once all the other commitments are answered, divide up your 'disposable'. The problem with saving atm is that it comes out of the 'dispoasable', rather than being 'deducted' before 'disposable' is identified. If you're saving for a hoiday that amount should never become 'disposable' in the first place.