Sleep on the sofa?

[Elka]

Hello.

DH has been 'off sex' ever since I got pregnant with our second child some 10 months ago - it was the same with our first, so no surprises there (I appreciate some of the reticence, though we both know there's no medical reason for abstaining. It's a psychological thing with DH.)
Having discussed things frankly with DH, it occured to me that he has been 'off sex' since at least when I got pregnant with baby no.1, which brings us back to April 2005.
When I realised this, and that this had been discussed before over the years, it occured to me that perhaps I've been too patient. Having discussed the possible reasons for his lack of physical intimacy (is he gay? is he seeing someone else? am I no longer attractive to him? is the problem physical?), I've been very clear about what I would like, and DH has agreed and is aware that he has been less than forthcoming in his expressions of intimacy.
With this in mind, while I've suggested/asked that he might see a GP for advice, he has long ago suggested getting more exercise, cutting back on cigarettes (10/day) and drink (1 bottle over a week). Five years later, this tactic has obviously not worked.
Which brings me to my query: I want more intimacy in my relationship with my husband, I miss him and 'it'. We are married, and I am committed to our marriage, but I will not go through life without physical intimacy. So: Would it be out of order for me to sleep on the sofa? The way I see it, as long as I sleep in the marital bed, I am agreeing with the status quo, that there is nothing wrong, when of course there is.
Any thoughts?

Sleeping on the sofa is something that i do when I think the relationship has reached a final point and I can't take it anymore, it usually brings dh to his senses and after a few day's he'll come down to talk and get me back in to the bed.

The glitch with this is that you have to be aware that your dh may not do anything. He may just accept you sleeping on the sofa, take it as a way out. This is only going to lead to further downward spiral in your marriage. Are you willing to take the risk?

I don't think sleeping on the sofa is going to solve anything tbh.

You really need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him what you've just said in your OP.

Hope you get it sorted.

the sofa won't achieve or change anything.

you need to find out why he has changed, does he have difficulty viewing yu as a sexual partner now that you are a mother? was he present at the births of your children? do you get time alone together when you are not in mummy and daddy mode?

I think you probably have been too patient. It's an important issue for you, and he needs to know how upset it is making you. Once he understands that, if he really loves you, he will take steps to address it, with your help.

I speak as someone who went off sex herself, BTW. Don't want to go into anymore detail here, but seriously, resentment will grow between you if you don't get this sorted. I wish you all the best.