lost

[dontknowwheretoturn]

i owe money to a family member and they want it back by the end of next week. my dh does not know about it and i dont have it (nor does he) my credit rating is not great and i am self employed without proper accountant accounts. i desp need a loan but my dh must never know. i am in sooo much trouble i have not slept for days and feel constantly sick. please help me someone.............i know i have done wrong and i need to sort this asap
have posted in money but as this will destroy my marriage (whatever you say it will, its hanging by a thread already) thought it should go here to.

Is it alot of money you owe? Could your family member not be slightly more sympathetic?

they need it, thats that. i would ask my dm but she is elderly and not well and would tell my step dad who would tell his family and on and on. am trying to owrk but am in such a state. self inflicted i know

Why can't you tell your DH? I think you're going to have to tell him...

if i tell him, my marriage is over and if it is over it will be my fault and i will have to leave and if i leave, i leave the kids. i could just vanish, god knows i have thought about it

I suggest, then, that you either speak with your family member and explain the situation and it that gets you nowhere you will need to speak with your bank. I can't see a way for you to get the money safely any other way.

I find it very disturbing that you say that your marriage will be over if your dh finds out - surely that can't be right? Why don't you just come clean to everybody? Tell your dh and family that you have a problem and that you are going to go to debt counselling - tell your family member that you don't have the money, but that you are willing to help them with stuff (free of charge), until you've raised the money - help them with babysitting, cook a meal or two for them, help out with laundry etc.

Did your husband give you an ultimatum in regard to you borrowing money? He is going to find out about it - why not tell him before he finds out? Let him blow his top, allow him to cool down and then sit down with him and discuss how you are going to solve this problem now and in the future.

i think your dh is going to find out anyway - surely better that you tell him than for him to find out from family members.

If he has in the past given you an ultimatum and you have gone against that then he has every right to be angry and you knew that before you borrowed the money.

Have you spoken to your local Citizens Advice Bureau? They can give confidential legal and financial advice and might be able to help you.

please whatever you do, do not take out a dodgy god-knows-how-high-interest-rate loan in order to repay this loan. There are some really nasty companies out there who'll give you the money in a second, but you'll be paying it back for years and they will never leave you in peace. Please try the CAB.

Are you worried your husband will be upset about the simple fact that you borrowed money, or about what you borrowed it for?