fed up

[moanyhole]

dh is a recovering compulsive gambler and alcoholic, i wont go into what he did to put us all at risk with the gambling in particular, but he is in recovery for the pat 18 months and attends several AA and GA meetings. he is doing really well, but with these meetings i have no life, because im at home with the children, ds and dd while he is at his meetings. no money for a babysitter and bf anyway. he is either at a meeting or working, and if he is not i am working. we spend no time togather because of all of this, he wants me to go to AL Anon meetings and i have but it seems our lives are still being ruled by hiss addictions and for a couple in our mid 30s we have no life. ah im just fed up. i was toying with having a 3rd, but that'd be crazy really, have had 4 losses and im not 100% sure the stress of another would be good for DH.
im such a moanymum atm, i should be grateful he is making such an effort and i know if he didnt go to these meetings he'd be grinking and gambling again. im just fed up.

Bless you sounds like yur really going through it at the moment! Does your dh know how you feel, what about your family/friends are they any help?

could he not have 1 meeting a week for each and someone at the end of the phone for support if he needs it, maybe even just drop 1 every other week so you can go out? im guessing if he wasnt at the meetings he would be in the bookies or the pub anyway?
you must be a really strong person to have stuck by him through all of this, i didnt

Moany..don't feel bad for feeling resentful of the meetings. The 'programme' is meant to take over their lives - that's how it works.

What people often forget are those left behind, usually the spouse. It can be very very hard on a marriage when one partner starts going to meetings. You think the giving up the addiction is the solution but it's just the beginning. It's very easy to feel resentful that he's having all of this 'me' time while you are stuck at home on your own.

I would take up his suggestion of going to Al-anon meetings. They are very useful in understanding your own position within the marriage, and the addiction. And being in touch with others who understand can also help you to understand what your dh is dealing with.

At times it can feel like he's part of some secret society that you're not allowed to join. And he doesn't want you to join either.

Maybe you need to get yourself to some meetings (you can take baby if you are bf and some meetings have creches), and also schedule some time just the two of you. You don't have to go out of the house. Just arrange a nice evening in with a takeaway, or prepare a meal together and a good movie. Or just talk. But consciously do it.

sorry for taking so long to reply,
well things are improved a bit. i just had a meltdown with dh last night and we had a big heart to heart.
im going to go to a meeting every week from now on, either Gam Anon or Al Anon. DH says he has to keep up the meetings as much as he is going now because if he dosent he will be back to his old ways- which is fair enough.
he has taken today off and is going to the GP this morning to organise the snip- we had a huge heart to heart about that too, and have decided that another child on top of our stresses atm wouldnt be a wise decision, after our losses we are blessed with dd and ds and we are in our mid to late thirties. there is relief in that decision.
we are going out for lunch today too and are going to try and do this regularly.
i really thought once DH faced up to his addictions that it would be plain sailing- this recover business aint easy, but hopefully we will get there.
thanks for the advice everyone, if anyone has been through this and had a solid marriage at the end of it id love to hear their story.
despite it all, DH is a very good man and even though i feel like bashing him with a frying pan im very proud of him too.